First off, I am so grateful for all of those that are reading. Whether you are reading to provide me with a bit of advice, or some knowledgeable facts, I thank you with a true heart.
I have posted my condition in another forum which I will copy and paste here to give a brief sum:
Hi all who is reading this,
I have posted once before, and I really hope this is the last time I will be needing to start a new post in this forum. First off before I explain my situation, I would like you to know that I am very grateful for you taking your time to read my story. If you are experienced one way or the other with my subject, you are most likely to understand that in hard times like this, sometimes people around you aren't so supportive about this even if you have not already destroyed the relationship.
It was extremely stupid of me, to never got educated about withdrawals... same goes with trusting my friend about some things. I always had this "thing" around for the past two years out of the three I know this guy, and I have always known it is some sort of opiate made from opium. It has never been a problem. Because my family are living abroad, I regularly make trips for 1~2 months about 3~4 times of a year totally clean. It is difficult to get ANYTHING at where I was in Asia.
So upon returning to the states in the end of January, I broke up with my gf, and poor decisions followed. I broke up with her about 2 weeks 3 weeks in, and ever since I been on a downward fall. Somehow the opiates that I was smoking unconsciously increased in amounts since I somehow felt less anxiety as well as give a damn about losing her.
I have been bad, and had at one point once been what someone would call a "player" for a bit, and really decided that I just wanna settle down. That was why when I met my ex, I was so into it... I gave my heart, and thought that she was "the one". That was why I was so heart broken when she left me... The reasons she left me is totally unrelated to the opiates, just wanted to make that clear. Even on Suboxone right now at the moment, I can still feel tears emerging in my eyes when I rethink about how I felt when I lost her.
Anyways back to the subject. The opiate use increased gradually and noticeably. I recall around 2 months back at around March time, I had often got really "sick" out of nowhere and just simply had absolute no motivation to go to school or work. I had a wonderful life, loving family, caring friends, and a bright future in front of me. Everything... and I meant almost everything had got affected one way or the other. It is only until about 1~2 months ago beginning of April where I realized that me getting sick and my smoking pattern couldn't be a coincident. Tears drowning my eyes, insomnia, and me feeling CRAZY moodswings even once to a point where I was thinking... "what is the point of living anymore, I am such a ????up?" I did some research and realized about this problem, never told to me before, was directly related to my opiate use.
The friend that introduced this thing to me, is currently with one of my best girl friend. I knew her about 6, 7 years ago, and because of this trusted him. I still even till today believe, he doesn't know how bad it could be. I have talked to my good girl friend about this before, and she wasn't too serious about this issue until she recently took a trip to the east coast and went one week without anything to smoke. I am glad for her that until now, she hasn't smoked, and its been more than 2, 3 weeks now. She is physically off.
-----------------------------
Now let me cut to the point. After losing many friends and family, I really understood that I need a change. Was prescribed Clonodine before, and was not able to maintain staying off just with that. Today I went to the doctor and finally got the Suboxone.
To my surprise, one hour through using one of the film, the withdrawal symptoms did not fully go away. I have been reading online for a long time and believe I am pretty knowledgeable of it already. Most people feel a dramatic change in 15-20 minutes through. I was then put on a second one at 1 hour, and felt much better and completely normal at about 1.5 hours.
I know my doctor is one of those that wants to put me on a long term, and try to make money. There are many signs and save some time I'll just skip it, but I'm sure. I asked him to prescribe me clonodine along with it because my BP was still very high after I stabilized. He then said, there are clonodine in the Suboxone, opened up the package found the manual and pointed at the Noloxine and said, oh I'm sorry, no clonodine, but noloxine is the same thing. I KNOW HE IS BULL.
So I'm gonna play along and stock up as much subs as possible in case of friends that need it or if some day I relapse and do not need to see this dude again. He wants weekly office visits, and thats $100 a day!
-----------------
about one hours ago my mood swung and here's my current status:
I have really nobody that really understands or know about my problem in real life, and I live alone studying abroad. My mom knew something was wrong few weeks ago and got very worried. I am so sick of repetitive being a FCUCK UP since child and caused so much trouble for his parents... (totaled 2 cars, got numerous big fines, expelled from two schools, community college for 4 years, and much more embarassing things!)
but luckily for me.... my family has a strong financial background, and I am currently 22... I am writing this with tears in my eyes... I believe I can still be saved. I only took the 4mg of subs and it is about 18 hours since my first dose. I spent time searching online when it is possible to take opiates without starting the withdrawal process all over again. I'm not gonna lie. I believe this is the only place I can be 100% honest, and I also believe this is the place where I can get a true caring heart to give me some advice and accompany me through this hardship. I lost most of my friends in real life already. Including my god brother who was so disappointed in me that he does not want to speak with me anymore.
Because my parents' business are in Asia, I have just sent out an email which I also wrote with tears bursting out. I told my mother how much I missed her and that I am not mentally well at the moment. I do feel very lonely and weak. I asked her to the very least have me back to be under close care and not only mentally but also physically recover.
I had a lot in my life before, I lost a lot, not really just through opiate... its fairly new to me, but I believe with the on and offs it has to had some affects on me before just that I didn't notice. I just got accepted to transfer to a business school which I will be able to complete study if I am well.... in 1~1.5 years. I need to be on top of everything. I already screwed up this semester and my teachers were lenient enough to understand I was going through a lot and are willing to give me incomplete instead of Fs so I could repair at a later date. It is now June 4th, and I told mom that I want to be able to return at the latest June 19th.
I'm so afraid of relapse, and I'm not saying its 100% impossible. I will try to stay off it as long as possible, and if any form of opiates taken, will try to space out as long as possible... and if anything unexpected happens taper off.... and my last resort is to be sent somewhere where opiates are nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get. I'll fight till death for a week then I will be reborn again.
That's just my newest thoughts.
For all that spends time reading, thank you. I spent time reading others, and rarely I responded, mainly because I am still not successful in it myself. For those of you that cares... I am truly thanking you with a grateful heart.
--------------------
now I have a few question. Since I have my last resort in two weeks to be sent to Asia where I will absolutely have NO access to anything drug related.
1. If I take any form of opiates when I hit the 96 hours mark, and chill on it for at least 3~4 days, will I have any physical withdrawals showing?
2. I took 4mg of Suboxone approximately 20 hours ago, and had none since. Right now I am feeling slight chills and slight muscle discomfort but is 100% manageable. I hope to not have to take more since reading about the withdrawals from Subs. Will I be feeling much more discomfort and lose my mind again within the next 24 hours?
3. My best friend had the same issues. She was the one mentioned in my story above. She was to the east coast for a week, and got very sick, but I remembered around day 3 or 4 she told me she think its getting better. Ever since she only took a few puffs when she came back... and she tells me she doesn't need to do it anymore. She was sleeping a lot lately and I know for sure and so glad for her that she is recovering. Will I be able to do the same if I get pass the 3rd or 4th day mark?
4. Prior to the Suboxone induction, I even had thoughts such as "how to smoke subs" and was searching online. After I was stabilized, the thought barely ever crossed my mind again, as it sounds too dangerous and ridiculous comparing to opiates... Getting high on subs just seem like a whole new territory. Does this mean that I am able to actually control and get off the opiates dependency this time without relapse?
5. If I do relapse, I will taper down within 2 weeks as there is a deadline set for myself that way.. to be sent abroad for at least 2~3 weeks. If I however, relapse at the 96 hour mark will I be free of dependency? If so, how long of a break should I take before taking anymore opiates to avoid any dependency?
I have posted my condition in another forum which I will copy and paste here to give a brief sum:
Hi all who is reading this,
I have posted once before, and I really hope this is the last time I will be needing to start a new post in this forum. First off before I explain my situation, I would like you to know that I am very grateful for you taking your time to read my story. If you are experienced one way or the other with my subject, you are most likely to understand that in hard times like this, sometimes people around you aren't so supportive about this even if you have not already destroyed the relationship.
It was extremely stupid of me, to never got educated about withdrawals... same goes with trusting my friend about some things. I always had this "thing" around for the past two years out of the three I know this guy, and I have always known it is some sort of opiate made from opium. It has never been a problem. Because my family are living abroad, I regularly make trips for 1~2 months about 3~4 times of a year totally clean. It is difficult to get ANYTHING at where I was in Asia.
So upon returning to the states in the end of January, I broke up with my gf, and poor decisions followed. I broke up with her about 2 weeks 3 weeks in, and ever since I been on a downward fall. Somehow the opiates that I was smoking unconsciously increased in amounts since I somehow felt less anxiety as well as give a damn about losing her.
I have been bad, and had at one point once been what someone would call a "player" for a bit, and really decided that I just wanna settle down. That was why when I met my ex, I was so into it... I gave my heart, and thought that she was "the one". That was why I was so heart broken when she left me... The reasons she left me is totally unrelated to the opiates, just wanted to make that clear. Even on Suboxone right now at the moment, I can still feel tears emerging in my eyes when I rethink about how I felt when I lost her.
Anyways back to the subject. The opiate use increased gradually and noticeably. I recall around 2 months back at around March time, I had often got really "sick" out of nowhere and just simply had absolute no motivation to go to school or work. I had a wonderful life, loving family, caring friends, and a bright future in front of me. Everything... and I meant almost everything had got affected one way or the other. It is only until about 1~2 months ago beginning of April where I realized that me getting sick and my smoking pattern couldn't be a coincident. Tears drowning my eyes, insomnia, and me feeling CRAZY moodswings even once to a point where I was thinking... "what is the point of living anymore, I am such a ????up?" I did some research and realized about this problem, never told to me before, was directly related to my opiate use.
The friend that introduced this thing to me, is currently with one of my best girl friend. I knew her about 6, 7 years ago, and because of this trusted him. I still even till today believe, he doesn't know how bad it could be. I have talked to my good girl friend about this before, and she wasn't too serious about this issue until she recently took a trip to the east coast and went one week without anything to smoke. I am glad for her that until now, she hasn't smoked, and its been more than 2, 3 weeks now. She is physically off.
-----------------------------
Now let me cut to the point. After losing many friends and family, I really understood that I need a change. Was prescribed Clonodine before, and was not able to maintain staying off just with that. Today I went to the doctor and finally got the Suboxone.
To my surprise, one hour through using one of the film, the withdrawal symptoms did not fully go away. I have been reading online for a long time and believe I am pretty knowledgeable of it already. Most people feel a dramatic change in 15-20 minutes through. I was then put on a second one at 1 hour, and felt much better and completely normal at about 1.5 hours.
I know my doctor is one of those that wants to put me on a long term, and try to make money. There are many signs and save some time I'll just skip it, but I'm sure. I asked him to prescribe me clonodine along with it because my BP was still very high after I stabilized. He then said, there are clonodine in the Suboxone, opened up the package found the manual and pointed at the Noloxine and said, oh I'm sorry, no clonodine, but noloxine is the same thing. I KNOW HE IS BULL.
So I'm gonna play along and stock up as much subs as possible in case of friends that need it or if some day I relapse and do not need to see this dude again. He wants weekly office visits, and thats $100 a day!
-----------------
about one hours ago my mood swung and here's my current status:
I have really nobody that really understands or know about my problem in real life, and I live alone studying abroad. My mom knew something was wrong few weeks ago and got very worried. I am so sick of repetitive being a FCUCK UP since child and caused so much trouble for his parents... (totaled 2 cars, got numerous big fines, expelled from two schools, community college for 4 years, and much more embarassing things!)
but luckily for me.... my family has a strong financial background, and I am currently 22... I am writing this with tears in my eyes... I believe I can still be saved. I only took the 4mg of subs and it is about 18 hours since my first dose. I spent time searching online when it is possible to take opiates without starting the withdrawal process all over again. I'm not gonna lie. I believe this is the only place I can be 100% honest, and I also believe this is the place where I can get a true caring heart to give me some advice and accompany me through this hardship. I lost most of my friends in real life already. Including my god brother who was so disappointed in me that he does not want to speak with me anymore.
Because my parents' business are in Asia, I have just sent out an email which I also wrote with tears bursting out. I told my mother how much I missed her and that I am not mentally well at the moment. I do feel very lonely and weak. I asked her to the very least have me back to be under close care and not only mentally but also physically recover.
I had a lot in my life before, I lost a lot, not really just through opiate... its fairly new to me, but I believe with the on and offs it has to had some affects on me before just that I didn't notice. I just got accepted to transfer to a business school which I will be able to complete study if I am well.... in 1~1.5 years. I need to be on top of everything. I already screwed up this semester and my teachers were lenient enough to understand I was going through a lot and are willing to give me incomplete instead of Fs so I could repair at a later date. It is now June 4th, and I told mom that I want to be able to return at the latest June 19th.
I'm so afraid of relapse, and I'm not saying its 100% impossible. I will try to stay off it as long as possible, and if any form of opiates taken, will try to space out as long as possible... and if anything unexpected happens taper off.... and my last resort is to be sent somewhere where opiates are nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get. I'll fight till death for a week then I will be reborn again.
That's just my newest thoughts.
For all that spends time reading, thank you. I spent time reading others, and rarely I responded, mainly because I am still not successful in it myself. For those of you that cares... I am truly thanking you with a grateful heart.
--------------------
now I have a few question. Since I have my last resort in two weeks to be sent to Asia where I will absolutely have NO access to anything drug related.
1. If I take any form of opiates when I hit the 96 hours mark, and chill on it for at least 3~4 days, will I have any physical withdrawals showing?
2. I took 4mg of Suboxone approximately 20 hours ago, and had none since. Right now I am feeling slight chills and slight muscle discomfort but is 100% manageable. I hope to not have to take more since reading about the withdrawals from Subs. Will I be feeling much more discomfort and lose my mind again within the next 24 hours?
3. My best friend had the same issues. She was the one mentioned in my story above. She was to the east coast for a week, and got very sick, but I remembered around day 3 or 4 she told me she think its getting better. Ever since she only took a few puffs when she came back... and she tells me she doesn't need to do it anymore. She was sleeping a lot lately and I know for sure and so glad for her that she is recovering. Will I be able to do the same if I get pass the 3rd or 4th day mark?
4. Prior to the Suboxone induction, I even had thoughts such as "how to smoke subs" and was searching online. After I was stabilized, the thought barely ever crossed my mind again, as it sounds too dangerous and ridiculous comparing to opiates... Getting high on subs just seem like a whole new territory. Does this mean that I am able to actually control and get off the opiates dependency this time without relapse?
5. If I do relapse, I will taper down within 2 weeks as there is a deadline set for myself that way.. to be sent abroad for at least 2~3 weeks. If I however, relapse at the 96 hour mark will I be free of dependency? If so, how long of a break should I take before taking anymore opiates to avoid any dependency?
