Venting Desire to get lit is always on my mind

[Axemancometh]

If you use a bunch of different drugs indiscriminately then you know what I'm talking about. I am not (nor have I been) truly 'addicted' to any particular thing - except for the idea of getting fucked up all the time. Stressful day at work? 'I'd kill for some drugs fr' Normal boring period of idleness? 'some drugs would hit right about now' Good day? 'let's get fucked up on the weekend' Inconvenience? 'brooo lemme get high' To be honest, I'm thinking about going to the gas station and copping a few beers right now - and I'm gonna!

I even dream about drugs - including ones I haven't actually done. One in about five dreams are drug-related for me. All hobbies I have are made more interesting and therefore performed solely under the influence. I think I'm gonna turn into a drug soon. I straight swiped some of my grandfather's zolpiclone once, while another time at the clinic I peeked at a bottle of Ativan and it was speaking to me like the one ring.

You wanna know what the worst consequence of this is? I legit go to the doctor's with the anticipation of getting a script; I don't see the clinic as a health centre anymore, but rather a licensed plug. I abuse nearly every prescription that I'm given: Zoloft? feels like speed and makes my chest feel all warm - take twice the daily dose and feel the mania by 4pm; Balcofen? You already know we're popping at least three for my 'neck pain' (which was real) - I almost died mixing that shit; and you best mf believe what my intentions were when I went in talking about 'getting medication for my ADHD'. (tho I'm more careful with stims)

All my homies are either in the same situation, or will say some stupid shit like 'ooh don't make me barge in and narcan your ass' (face punch-able statement).

I'm not gonna tell my family because they're gonna make me go to rehab and treat me like I'm a full-blown street-demon (no offence to the unhoused folks here) who tries to sell anything and everything in their possession for dope money - because they did that very same thing when I was caught with pot in high school. I'm not gonna tell my family doctor because I'm gonna get profiled as a serial drug abuser for the rest of my life. (I already did so with the campus clinic and they did the exact same thing)

This isn't a super dire situation - I'm not on the verge of scoring a shit ton of dope right now and murdering my chemical receptors. The number one thing keeping me from going all out all the time is money. Spending money in general pisses me off, so not wanting to blow everything on dragon-chasing is a very powerful barrier to me. This is a direct consequence of my youthful follies and I understand that feeling will likely follow me the rest of my life or until I have a psychotic break and am forced to get a chemical lobotomy. I really just gotta chill is what. (and maybe get a beer)

 

[M!$TER-ED]

It is really a shame how society is so misinformed about drug use and drug users. We can thank our government for the lies and propaganda concerning drug use. When government made drug possession and usage a criminal offense and morally wrong, all in the false name of drugs being harmful, society and the jumped on the bandwagon to put users in prison away from "good society".

To think at one time drug use and even addiction was considered a health concern not a criminal act defiance in society.

 

[Slightly_Paranoid13]

I can relate to that. Especially in my earlier days. Before I believed in God, I figured you might as well do what you got to do in order to feel okay. I've been thru some shit. I've seen and heard things that still haunt me today. I've been addicted to almost every addictive substance out there except speed. I had a really bad trip one night and that changed everything. I still feel that need to get fucked up, but it's about 1/10 of what it used to be. I have an honest relationship with my higher power and the things I take now, I actually need and have prescriptions for. There is one thing I use in place of alcohol because I don't like it but I try to be responsible with it and treat it like alcohol. I don't know if you believe in a spiritual realm but it's real and is more real than the physical realm we live in. There are spiritual reactions that happen from the decisions that we make. Talk to anyone who's truly recovered from alcohol, opiates, or benzo's and ask them if they believe in Heaven/Hell/God/Devil. In a nutshell, they've seen and lived in Hell so they know there's a Heaven. I still slip up at times and make mistakes but am trying hard these days to not get in trouble but being an addict, I got to test the boundaries.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Everyone has the path of their choosing, whether you believe in god, higher power or whatever it is your choice and your life. There is no right or wrong way to live, however that is not true about consequences. Society creates rules and boundaries that in order to be a part of society these must be obeyed or you are punished, forced to live outside of society in jails and prisons.
Nonetheless there is no right or wrong to live only consequences to contend with.