It all went to hell tonight.
Zoolander is in Bumfuck, Idaho. I met up with my ex and I spoke out of turn. Ironically, my housies say I am calm. I floored my accelerator down the river with my tears flowing.
My ex held my hand before all this nonsense. He is very sick, mind and body. I brought him food, which he could not eat. He has a terrible fever and is sick to his stomach. He still held my hand. I snuggled him the way people in love should. He fell asleep in my arms. Usually when I sleep at his, I sleep in the other room. I tucked him into his own bed while checking his fever. I rubbed his back and he started adorably snoring.
And then I stuck my foot in my mouth. Fuck. I have a lot at stake with him. I have intense separation anxiety. Zoolander will just have to make me fall further for him, or he will need to understand. I pick up Zoolander from the airport on Sunday. He will hold me all night. If he could leave the state, we'd probably run to Vegas. Regrettably, he is on probation and cannot leave this shithole state without permission from his officer.
I am exhausted of men who do not snuggle me. My prerequisite in a partner is that he must snuggle me. I am a very affectionate person; I like being held. I'm not going to compromise on that anymore.
I have to make up my mind or give it all up for a snuggler that is not my ex or Zoolander. I have no fucking clue and I should get myself to a nunnery at this point.
Mariposa needs her heart back, snuggles included. No more FWB shit, I want love, and I will not settle.