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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Describe stimulant addiction hell to the innocent out there.. in one sentence.

One day you look in the mirror and can't remember the last time you did... last month, last year, year before? and you don't recognise the person looking back at you with the colourless skin & haunted eyes. It's too late.
 
Life went from ups and downs, to ups or downs, till it was all downs. And then you die. That's why we puff lie...
Not an addict, but an occasional user. Probably no difference if you take time out of it. You know what they say, not even once.
 
The fact that I didn't end up in a mental institution once throughout my time consistently abusing amphetamines is a fucking miracle. It was one of the worst periods of my life, where I'd go days without eating or sleeping, I'd constantly think I was going to die, I was paranoid all the time, and yet somehow I could not stop. I always felt like there was a way to make it work like it used to the first few times. I will never touch that shit again. I can't even take a sip of coffee now without that dread.
 
to be honest ive not experience alot of what most people here have - but i smoked a shit load of cannibis from my early teens up to about 23 to hide alot of messed up emotion (dont ask...)

it became the easiest barrier ever. it was all good until i started taking off my friends and bringing it home for myself. then worse when id found a dealer 5 mins away. quick phone call - gear on demand. simple.

then i think 3 years ago my chest caved in (from a dodgy bag of weed no idea wtf but as it was there i smoked it all anyway) i had to suddenly stop and it was then i realised how much i was dependant on it. i could go afew days or a week but i always knew i could have it whenever - but then to find i couldnt have any whatsoever...

had all this emotional shit locked in my brain that had been hidden for years everything came back and i felt insane (fuck thats just cannibis... i expect id be mentally dead if i took anything else)

but once id conquered the first few months i realised something - that i dont have an identity. id lost who i was. i was me sure - but there was no feeling of myself. everything was nothing. i couldnt even laugh properly. i couldnt relax cuz all id known was smoking cannibis. everything i did was really based around it.

look its fuckin corny i know but the only way i started finding myself again and becoming me again was to be creative. (i was always that kinda kid anyway) draw write read whatever. when i was doing sonething creative it took my mind off everything (in terms of my emotions not just the drug abuse) nothing ive ever done creativly means anything to anyone and is generally crap amaturish shite but its helped me remember who i am.

not that im all okay cuz now whenever im stressed or pissed off or bored or just wanna relive a memory of when i used to smoke all day and night ill just pop some pills.

but i realised the first time i started laughing 'normally'. id only ever laughed when i was stoned. thats when i realised that my abuse of drugs had stolen what it is to be normal and have fun with friends be you and enjoy life without chemicals. tbh it still trips me out when i laugh normally now my first thought is (im laughing sober!!!)

the only reason i take pills now is just because i enjoy feeling high it feels safe and secure... so obviously ive still got loadsa shit yo deal with but... im 10 times better than i was

i find it sad now though - i see my best friend smoking away and sometimes i ask myself 'why are we friends?' we used to have fun now we dont. we dont because he just wants to smoke weed stay indoors and watch tv. he never admits it but i know thats the reason whenever we go anywhere he wants to leave asap so he can get back and have a 'cheeky joint' before his wife gets back home. i feel sorry for him... but i never say anything im no better really - its just sometimes its like im watchin my old self... anyway

in a sentance...

drugs steal your identity, you will lose who you are'
 
^ right. It steals your soul, turns you into a robot. I love it though, I just have some serious issues coping with all the energy sometimes. My body has so much energy that im not getting rid of that i channel it into my head, but that causes me to become real crazy. Like if i wasnt tweeking i would be asleep. Im talking to people I dont usually talk to just so I have an excuse to type. I feel really weird, not like myself. And I know when im sober ill look at these posts and be horrified at how much information im sharing on this post. Its not normal, its not natural, in the long run its a nightmare. But in my case my
surrounds is greatly affecting my high, in a negative way. Once you get into that solitary mindset tweek its hard to break out of it. Very antisocial, euphoric one minute then super depressed, but its like i almost welcome the feeling of sadness at this point. feels good to cry, feels good to dance, feels good to
feel again, even if for a brief moment. I feel like im going crazy, theres no one to talk to. I miss my girlfriend so badly, im starting to hallucinate now probably because of the sleep dep. i remember the first time i tried addys, it was amazing. the first time i tried meth was even better, i dont care what people say they are pretty much the same fucking thing. i cannot believe doctors give this shit to people. but comparing the first dose to what im feeling now really makes me wish I never got into a relationship with this fucking drug. I'm really worried, I dont think this is gonna end well, I really dont see a life without these substances. Its a pretty scary thought when you really think about it. I honestly think im hooked, lol now im geekin and now im sad. wtf is wrong with me??? i dont even want to post this fucking mess of a story, its fucking fueled by drug induced ranting, but i have a feeling if i was at a party or something itd be sick. im not used to being alone with myself for this long. lol fuckkkkk
 
If finally picked a mood, after polishing off that second 40 im dubsteppin it up, feel like I have a real 'dont give a fuck' attitude. this could be very dangerous on the road or in public. this is the kind of mindset that puts you in jail. im glad im aware of this, im gonna drink more and smoke a cigg, hopefully ill fucking settle down before sunrise.
 
man im so hungover today, I apologize for posting all this stupid shit. taking a break for a bit :p
 
I'm a heroin addict and been through a lot of shit like most folk, but the years when I was heavy into speed were a lot worse I think.
As soon as I finished work on Friday afternoon me & my mates would start bombing speed. We would continually dose throughout the weekend.I generally wouldn't sleep from Thursday night until Monday night.
Not sleeping & eating for days was not good for my mental and physical health. I lost a lot of weight and was getting very paranoid indeed. I thought folk were talking about me and laughing at me. I would keep turning my head sharply cos I kept seeing things in the corner of my eyes that were not there.
The comedown during the week was awful as I felt so depressed and alone.
As with all things, moderation is the key.
 
It's like swimming against the riped tide, walking the wrong direction in the fast lane of the freeway, waking from sweetest dream to find yourslef in the midle of a... Nightmare.
 
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