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Describe stimulant addiction hell to the innocent out there.. in one sentence.

T

terraincognita

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
15
In one sentence, describe the experience -no- the lifestyle of heavy stimulant addiction to ones fortunate enough to not understand it. There are some places mans not ment to go.
(plz specify DOC)


My own,

I have an evil twin, who will always sabotage all that i have grown, and worked to become as a human being...but i'd choose chaos over realising that theres no twin, its me....and i've just spent the last 4 years doing everything i can to strip apart my life apart piece by piece, and making sure that it stays that way.
 
Speed is a snowball down a hill, and how big of a hill changes but its the same result, in the end you SMASH into something and crash.

When you can't shit with out doing a line I think you are reaching the bottom of the hill. (this will happen)
 
It's like having a baby you don't love; it wakes you up with its crying, it steals all your energy and your time with its needs, and you thought it would be the miracle of your life and that it would give you purpose, motivation, and pleasure -- but all you can do is watch it grow with detachment.
 
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^ thats the bottom line. Im at the point of being comepletely consumed by my addiction, all i can do is try to find a way out of psychological slavery..trying to figure it out so i can fix it. but at the end of the day, it has completley fucked all my shit up. Im told im lucky, i still hav a house n family who care (im 19), but having anything positive in my life just means my drugs will have something to devastate. living under a bridge seems a much better alternative. I live my shame and regret...
 
Each day is a frazzled, hazey dream bringing a reinvented belief of the identical, recycling thought that "Today will be the day I get high enough to make my life what I had imagined it to be yesterday" , along with an inescapable delusion which captures me better than an Image in a Photograph.
 
lol stimulants are not subtle at all. First you feel great, then you feel awful like a rubber band that's been stretched too far in one direction and snapped back in the opposite direction. One of the worst things about stimulant abuse is the feeling of power that washes over you; suddenly, you can do whatever is in your hands. You feel enthusiastic, potent, and self-confident to the extent that while you're high, you honestly believe you're capable of accomplishing whatever needs to be done -- any situation that might arise -- it will be dealt with. Then, you realize several hours later, you've wasted so much time on unimportant shit, and,now that your judgment is no longer clouded, it becomes very apparent that your true capabilities are much, much less than what your egocentric high had misled you to believe at the time.
 
part of stimulant addiction hell is that it inevitably leads to other drugs, I don't take stimulants unless I have benzos or opiates, over the long run I've ended up addicted to all three! now that is hell, a good day is knowing that I have all my scripts and know I won't run out early and have to buy off the street. basically feeling normal becomes the high you seek.

basically stimulants will seduce you and before you know it you will have been up for days and nights without sleep or food curled up in the fetal position in your room after having alphabetized your dvd collection staring at the monsters in your carpet fibers praying to god your heart doesn't explode and that you aren't permanently crazy... a miracle occurs... you find some benzos, enough to knock you out and get some sleep. you wake up feel like hell and start the whole charade all over again. when you know the refill dates of at least six or seven of your friends adderall scripts you know you're screwed... specially when you crave those days when you can binge on amphetamine all day and night like they were the most sacred thing in the world... everything seems so important until you find yourself typing incomprehensibly on a public forum about drugs....


that's a sentence on stimulants by the way.
 
I can't sleep but I am fucking exhausted, my muscles are locked and tense in agony and I am starving to death but the thought of even a glass of water makes me want to puke up whatever bile is in my stomach.
 
NewRisingSun60 said:
Each day is a frazzled, hazey dream bringing a reinvented belief of the identical, recycling thought that "Today will be the day I get high enough to make my life what I had imagined it to be yesterday" , along with an inescapable delusion which captures me better than an Image in a Photograph.
Click to expand...

^thisthisthisthisthis.
 
Not to put it down, this is from someone who has suffered a stim infatuation ever since I've been trying for years to lay off and kick the opiates.

But it always seemed to me that tweakers and amp bingers had it easy. Can't get drug? Go to bed. The amps are physically addictive (to what extent I don't know 100% but it's FAR less than benzos or opiates) but the W/D seems to me to be just sleeping for a week (observed many a time). I can understand the lack of dopamine/serotonin mentally fucking you up but with opiates there's that AND a horrifically, disgustingly unpleasant body giddiness (giddiness is NOT the right word more like "want to rip my flesh off and dismember myselfiness), lack of the sleep you crave so so so bad, and a host of others.

The worst is of course the psychoses, the I've been up for days QUICK is that the FSB/CIA/MOSSAD in my window?!!? Shit that turns people batshit. I have been there, but only a little. I love coke. I do huge amounts just to achieve the maximum ringers, riding the line of seizure and brute pleasure. I've been getting into RC stims, the less jittery the better. But these aren't my go-to's. I always want benzos or opes (CANT HAVE ANYMORE, fuck) to end it when I'm done. I'd rather be out $50 for that amazing 5 minutes of coke (followed by a 30 min so so high and then crizash) than go hours and days. I hear meth may change my mind, but it's not available and I'm in no hurry. I guess this coincides with the point someone made about stims leading to benzos n' opiates.... I remember I used to not even look twice at even coke unless I had dope or benzos to bring me off gently. Now with tolerance I just muscle it out a lot of the time.

I guess to keep it concise(ish) and yes, I am kicking/have kicked off off a 2 day run on 4-MEC, 4-FA, and probably coke, maybe mdpv and 2-cI.... I wouldn't wish serious opiate withdrawal on my worst enemies (but I would wish death upon them) and benzo withdrawal is psychologically brutal if you can remedy the seizures.

I guess I just don't take it as seriously, of course I'm a long time doper and short time speeder so... who knows
 
well i have had a serious stimulant (smoking meth, crack and iv cocaine) and opiate addiction (iv h).

the stimulant social scene was complete madness. someone is suicidal, someone trying to sell a bike, there is always some cat, some baby, people going in and out. ahhhh! craziness. Anyway, the seizures were a problem, but worse was the gradual permanent psychosis. Shadow people on the roof, homeless people camping out back, staring at me through the window, people with guns always chasing me, even when I wasn't high on the drug. Oh God, I was a piece of work, a complete wreck.
I looked like Skeleta, had to wear makeup to disguise my ashen color, my nails were yellowed and had lines that indicated lack of proper nutrition.

I was looking too sketchy to even work. A grand mal seizure, either from the stimulant use itself or forgetting to take enough benzos, which I used, along w alcohol and opiates to balance out the stims. On stims, I could not be function and last long.

On opiates alone, I could seemingly still be a moral, productive, somewhat healthy individual, if I hadnt kept getting in trouble with the law and had fewer car accidents.
 
in 1 sentence

At first, exhilarating beyond what's expected, then your addictive voice takes over and it becomes hell on earth. For more on the addictive voice please see: www.rational.org crash course on AVRT
 
Read the lower bold text for my sentence describing my use (not what I call addiction yet.) of methamphetamine.
Also: One of the issues I find on stimulants is that I overthink things and my posts are often constructed in a poor manner and with bad grammar, spelling, punctuation and format... especially talking on the subject of meth as I've spent hours researching the substance.

Note: Before reading, this please note I have not proof read the below post and have been making changes throughout...

In the short time I have used meth, I can agree with some of these posts already, having used less than a gram in my lifetime, of all amphetamine stimulants put together, ADHD meds and meth.

Whilst I have only ever consumed such a small amount, It has shown me the potential for addiction, especially if you are smoking the stuff, It becomes a fun activity rather than just dosing for the euphoria you actually find pleasure in the method of consumption, this is a dangerous thing if you are in a situation with access to it and are bored, you'll end up doing it more and more just because it's something fun to do. I've been talking online to people, they've said goodnight at 10.30pm and the next morning I get a message from them, almost continuing the conversation as it left off - It felt like it had been an hour or two, but 7 hours had passed.

There is no fun in snorting or orally taking it, If you are using this roa and must keep using meth (addiction or not)... stick to your method, unless you have extremely strong willpower. It's just not on the same level.

As I am aware of the potential for addiction, I'm finding I keep telling myself that I CANNOT let this get out of control (and that thought in the back of my mind that is saying "Finish what you have and set limits if you must" - I think it's a bit unrealistic to say never again, because I can't even promise myself that whilst on or feeling like taking some.

Ok, and the only positive that may lie in all of this for me:
Now, I suspect I may have Adult ADHD, this was suspected when i was a child but never diagnosed - let's just say I left schooling at age 13. A small oral dose of meth (10-20mg) clears up all of the symptoms I exhibit of adult ADHD. I'm not going to list them all, but I am noticeably a better person socially and less aggressive, I can talk things out, and things that used to get to the point of a being in a full blown rage are now easily controllable. I am calm and feel in control of my emotions and thoughts. I'm able to focus on one thought, I now realize that I have without knowing been unable to control my thoughts and often what I say, interrupting conversations and people before they finish their sentences etc.

That is all I can really put in the post about the positives I have had. There is a voice in the back of my head as well, saying "Maybe you're just making reasons up to condone or justify to yourself/others taking meth".
I have had others opinions on the matter, except sugar coating it by mentioning use of dexamphetamine (which I have used, and with the same positives, have not used long term not sure about the side effects that medical users experience.)

Just wrapping up, I had also forgot to mention I have been diagnosed with severe depression (I have found this has been linked to Adult ADHD too), and was on 60mg cymbalta which only had negative effects for me, including daily IBS and seeming to make more apparent my above mentioned symptoms. I am better off without it, completely clean and sober or on amphetamines or otherwise.

PS: I wrote this post 48 or so hours into what I consider a fairly heavy meth binge. That said, throughout this time I've only had 100-120mg and that is smoking it. I do have the willpower to stop (I haven't smoked any for 4~ hours now. I have had a little sleep during this time, 4 hours on the friday night (awake since 7am thurs), and another 3-4hrs on saturday, it's now sunday 1:30AM and the time between redosing is very noticeable, I'm not tired but definitely on my way down and wanting some more. I have set my limits and try my best to take care of myself in both hygeine and harm reduction.

Also, I've noticed on what I consider a non medical/adhd dose of (~60+mg) that my posts on bluelight are too long, I'll sit here overthinking everything I'm typing, this post took 25~ minutes from start to finish. I have not noticed this at a medical dose.
 
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