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Deleting Me Off This and That

Hanging with Friends More than You

What do you do if your boyfriend or girlfriend, rather hang out with their friends, more than hang out with you, and never make time for you? Like you live far apart, and you always hear that they are hanging with their friends, and then you have to wait to hang out with them, and that could take from a week to a month, but yet they tell you they hang with their friends every other day, if not every single day. How would you feel if your partner did this to you?
 
Well, theres a big unknown in this dilemma. Just how far away does he live from you? And just how far away does his friends live from him?

If you have a long distance relationship, and his friends are local, then this is understandable from his viewpoint. That's one of the many downsides of a long distance relationship and among the many reasons I don't think they work.

If however you are all relatively close. And you're just as close to him as they are. Then I agree. Relationships come before friends. Hr should make an effort to spend time with you even if it means sacrificing some time with his friends. Ideally if he can he should incorporate you in with his friends. But if that's not viable. Then I agree you should come first. That my belief on the matter. Love stands at a higher priority than friendship. Ideally you shouldn't have to sacrifice one for the other. But if it came down to it. Then that's when it's time to decide just how serious and how much you love your significant other.
 
How old are you? But if its a long distance relationship it may just be something you have to deal with because you may always feel this way without accessibility to her like they have. But if she cares, she should also prioritize you especially when it comes time to see eachother. I can tell you now you cant make someone care, so if shes being nonchalant or not showing she cares or generally not showing effort. Than you need to distance yourself because ur emotionally involved.
Whether u understand this response or not, its going to be one of the most helpful.
P.S. this knowledge is from experience lol...trying to save u the pain I once felt
 
mikumiku said:
Have you ever wanted your Boyfriend, Fiance, Husband to be your protector, body guard, be over protective of you, worried about you, like if you got attacked by someone and your partner found out, wouldn't you want your partner to go after them and kick their ass for hurting you, but yet your partner refuses to do that, because it was your battle to be fought, not theirs to be fought? Wouldn't you want that type of guy that wants to protect you and be your body guard etc.


Like me, I like going to concerts, and I will go into the mosh pit, where people push you around and have fun. And I was thinking if I went to a concert and into the mosh pit, my Boyfriend has told me, he won't go into the mosh pit with me, nor will he be on the side lines watching over me, to make sure I am alright. He rather be in the back, and if I get hurt in the mosh pit, thats my own fault. He is not going to battle my fights and go and kick the guys ass for hurting me, etc. To me, hearing him say that hurts me. I thought any man would want to protect their women.


But what do you think?
Click to expand...

I'm a straight female and I will say the following first disclosing I haven't read the replies to this thread yet.

I entirely sympathize with you. Yes, I must confess I do want to feel like my boyfriend or husband wants to protect me. That's not to say I don't feel like I can take care of myself, I do. But I also know I'm not as strong as 99% of men so my strategy is to avoid needing to defend myself all together. But having said that. Having a boyfriend or husband who wants to and will protect me the way you describe I something I want too. I dont want him to fight battles of mine that I've asked him not too. And I wouldn't expect him to get into a physical altercation with another female beyond the extent of protecting me from harm. Because I dont believe men should hit women for any reason unless no other course of action is possible to prevent himself or someone he's protecting from being hurt themselves.

But as for protecting me from harm from men, yes, I do want and expect him to protect me. I do want to feel safer having him around. That's just how I feel. I dont know how common that is among other women, I've never asked. But my intuition is that it'd be fairly common.

I want the man I'm with to be the type of man who protects his loves ones just as I'd do my best to protect mine. And a man is better equipped to deal with physical altercations with other men than I am. So in that event id expect him to protect me and feel very hurt, like you, if he felt the way you say your man does. I must confess I'd feel like like he doesn't consider me good enough as a girlfriend.

I wouldn't expect him or want him to get violent with a woman who attacked me. Cause like I said I don't think men should hit women. Ideally no one should hit anyone but that's not reality. I would expect him to want to try and protect me from this hypothetical other woman, but not by hurting her unless perhaps I were an extremely unusual situation where such force is the only option.

On the other hand if a man tried to start any kind of physical altercation with me I would expect and hope he would defend me with as much force as necessary. I wouldn't want him to go overboard. But I would understand if he did. Because I feel the same way you do. I want to feel like my man is a bit like my bodyguard. That if we're walking alone I want to feel safer because he's there. And while I don't want anyone to get hurt. I do admit to liking the idea of my boyfriend wanting to punch any man who says disrespectful things about me. I'm not sure id want him to actually do it, but I like the idea of him wanting to do it.

That's my full, honest opinion. I can't help it but that is how I feel about the matter.

Some might call it old fashioned, archaic. Some might say it's hypocritical for me to feel this way while considering myself to be a feminist. I'm not sure id agree with any of that, but that's a discussion for another time.

Mikumiku, it's up to you how you want to deal with this, if it's a deal breaker for you or something you can live with. I dont think it'd be a deal breaker for me, but that's just me. All I can tell you is that from what I think you're saying, I do understand and I feel the same way myself. I don't know if most women feel this way. But I'd be quite surprised if a lot, or perhaps even most women didn't feel the same way even if they might not be willing to admit it.

UPDATE: I have read the thread in full now, couple things ill add.

I would never intentionally put myself in harms way and especially not with the expectation that my lover might get hurt because of it. Nor would I expect him or want him to defend me in a physical fight that I started unless the other person used unacceptably disproportionate force in response.

And finally, and I sure hope this is as irrelevant and unrelated as I think it is. Yes my dad abandoned me when I was very little shortly after several failed attempts to kill me while I was still in my mother, so yes I probably have daddy issues. I still think a lot, if not most women, straight women anyway, want the same thing I want on this subject. Daddy issues or no.

I tend to think it's just part of our DNA, part of our evolutionary imperatives brought about through our history as a species who's females must commit enormous time and effort into child rearing and protection and who's offspring require an unusually long time to be born and reach maturity. Making it desirable from an evolutionary perspective for females of the species to desire males who will protect them and their offspring. And desirable for males of the species to want to protect their children and the women who take care of them. Because failure in any aspect of that dynamic throughout most of our evolution would reduce the chance of the offspring surviving to an age where they can then reproduce themselves.

But hey, just cause I understand the reason doesn't mean I'm not a slave to my biological imperatives like everyone else.
 
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Bagseed said:
it sounds more like you want to get hurt in the pit so that your guy defends you to fulfill some weird fantasy of yours
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Yeah it sounds like a dream-come-true thing to me as well. If your boyfriend wants to run around the playboy mansion in his underwear while girls chased him and wanted you to shove them out of the way for him that wouldn't be fun would it? Or maybe it will to you.
 
JessFR said:
Well, theres a big unknown in this dilemma. Just how far away does he live from you? And just how far away does his friends live from him?

If you have a long distance relationship, and his friends are local, then this is understandable from his viewpoint. That's one of the many downsides of a long distance relationship and among the many reasons I don't think they work.

If however you are all relatively close. And you're just as close to him as they are. Then I agree. Relationships come before friends. Hr should make an effort to spend time with you even if it means sacrificing some time with his friends. Ideally if he can he should incorporate you in with his friends. But if that's not viable. Then I agree you should come first. That my belief on the matter. Love stands at a higher priority than friendship. Ideally you shouldn't have to sacrifice one for the other. But if it came down to it. Then that's when it's time to decide just how serious and how much you love your significant other.
Click to expand...


Thats exactly how I feel, I put my relationship first, before my friends even family thats how much my partner means to me. We are in a long distance relationship living 40-50 miles a part, driving time around 45-1 hour-30 minutes drive time. Some of his friends lives nearby around 4 miles, others live about 20 miles from him.
 
MadeInChicago said:
How old are you? But if its a long distance relationship it may just be something you have to deal with because you may always feel this way without accessibility to her like they have. But if she cares, she should also prioritize you especially when it comes time to see eachother. I can tell you now you cant make someone care, so if shes being nonchalant or not showing she cares or generally not showing effort. Than you need to distance yourself because ur emotionally involved.
Whether u understand this response or not, its going to be one of the most helpful.
P.S. this knowledge is from experience lol...trying to save u the pain I once felt
Click to expand...


Him and I are both 28 years old. I have dealt with, him and I last hung out last week on Monday, since then he's hung out with his friends a handful of times between now and our last hang out, and that hurts me that he can hang with his friends more than me. I don't like waiting, while he says he can go out and have fun and I am at home waiting.
 
I have the same social priorities you do.

Priority 1: Children if you have them.
Very close priority 2, maybe even equal priority, I'm not sure myself yet: Your spouse.
Priority 3: Family.
Priority 4: Friends.

If you're a theist insert god where applicable. I do somewhat believe in god but not nearly to the extent or devotion that I wouldn't risk going to hell to protect priorities 1-3.
 
If I saw my Boyfriend in a mosh pit and he got attacked I would go to his aid and protect him from getting hurt, thats what I am trying to get at here.
 
there's a difference between getting banged around in a mosh pit and being attacked in a mosh pit.

you seem to have a very specific idea of how things should be and how other people should behave and you seem to get pretty upset when they don't. that's all you...

alasdair
 
Changing Too Much Good or Bad?

We have all heard that people should accept you for who you are, no matter what type of person you are. But when it comes to someone to ask you to change who you are because they don't like the way your being, should you change? When they themselves admit that they will never change but they expect you to change? Would you change or would you remain the same?
 
mikumiku said:
Him and I are both 28 years old. I have dealt with, him and I last hung out last week on Monday, since then he's hung out with his friends a handful of times between now and our last hang out, and that hurts me that he can hang with his friends more than me. I don't like waiting, while he says he can go out and have fun and I am at home waiting.
Click to expand...

Even though you guys might be dating seriously, you might not want to put all your eggs in one basket if youve made your feelings known to him (key part, some partners wont mention it) than don't have so much faith it will work out with this person. Doesnt mean your giving up, but if its one thing I learned. You should only care are much as they do, that way everyone stays on the same page & wont be blindsided by another persons actions.
 
mikumiku said:
What do you do if your boyfriend or girlfriend, rather hang out with their friends, more than hang out with you, and never make time for you? Like you live far apart, and you always hear that they are hanging with their friends, and then you have to wait to hang out with them, and that could take from a week to a month, but yet they tell you they hang with their friends every other day, if not every single day. How would you feel if your partner did this to you?
Click to expand...

your partner doesn't respect you and you dont respect yourself. why are you so ignorant of reality and the feedback others clearly give you through their actions. its kind of implausible that someone could be so ignorant but yet here we are. another thread another day loool

people think you are a troll because they find it so ridiculous- i'm not sure. i do believe people can be very ignorant and delude themselves

to me its possible that this is real and a troll would have upped the anti and come up with something less stale and obsessive to talk about ad infinitum. its just yawnworthy and thats why he only *insert whatever makes you think this is real here*'s you once a month
 
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