Degraves St in Autumn

[psycosynthesis]

Slender hands watch
each other across the table.

Between coffee, and
a haze of smoke.

His vision is averted
her regret is sideways.

They are slanted,
Both:

Towards a blunt,
ignored truth.
which lingers
unspoken in the air.

Like the smog
of tobacco, it is a truth
that is enticing
and repelling at once.

Silent confessions
and slow decisions
are the uncomfortable courses

Of this lunch.

 

[New]

I like it...it lets the reader know of how much nothing is going on in a split-second, and I think that's really cool.

 

[psycosynthesis]

Cheers man. I was trying to capture the sense of the ephemeral with this piece and hearing you say that makes me happy that I achieved it!

 

[New]

^Yeah, I was reading it, and I wondered why it ended so quickly...that's cool that you succeeded in doing what you tried to do.

 

[katmeow]

I didn't see that you'd posted this here. I love what you've managed to capture with this piece. The structure is perfect for the topic.

Well done

 

[(Wordy)]

Yep, kudos on this one: an urban meditation on how truth travels.

You've pared it down to the bare essentials, which I admire.

 

[aphrodite-84]

This is very good. I like how you use opposites of what should be happening in order to make that exact point.

**His vision is averted
her regret is sideways.**

Like nothing is being straight as they should. I love this part and the whole piece. Nice work.

 

[psycosynthesis]

Thanks to all of you!

 

[Raz]

It seems quite noirish....I likes it!

 

[exoiced]

Intelligent and balanced, somehow there is a symmetry in there, a yin and a yang.

 

[hoptis]

Kudos