Lucas23
Bluelighter
I see this expression used often on BL. I had not seen it or heard it before I came to these forums. My interest lies in two things:
To opiate users:
1) do you know you are "nodding"?
2) how do people around you, who are not aware that you're high, describe what you look like when you are "nodding"?
I was a major opiate user. My use lasted about 30 months, purely for recreational purposes, and my doses incrased substantially over that time period. About 18 months into my addiction i was approached by someone at work who said i was "zoning out" at meetings. I was dosing about 400 mgs of oxycodone a day at this point. My work colleague described me as "staring into space for about 8 seconds and then SNAP i was back in the room". The interesting aspect is that i had no idea i was doing it. None. At about this time my wife started complaining about me "zoning out". Again, i had no idea. I thought i was just high. It wasn't my goal to "nod" and i became very concerned when word got out at my job that i was "falling asleep at client meetings".
Armed with the knowledge that people were starting to become aware of something going on i did what most addicts would do. I did my best to hide it. By 24 months into my addiction i was dosing about 800 mg a day mixing oxycodone and opana. I concentrated very hard at wok and around people to ensure that i wouldn't "nod". But again, i had no idea when it would happen or what it looked like. And again, my brain was the same one that convinced itself that i could easily taper off whenever i wanted. I was delusional. People said i "looked tired". Clearly, i should have decreased my dosage. But i was a compulsive addict and that was never a real option, unless i couldn't cop.
Within the last couple months when my body started to break down i became aware that i was "nodding". Not all the time. Only sometimes.
So, back to my initial question. To oxy users out there who are in the business of hiding your addiction, is "nodding" something that you're aware of or is it just an expression? How have people around you described what you look like without being aware you were dosed?
Btw, my addiction peaked at 1.2 grams per day of oxycodone (endocets 10/325) and Opana (40 mgs). I still have my job. No one found out. I'm 9 weeks on subs. And, miracle of all miracles, my liver is fine.
To opiate users:
1) do you know you are "nodding"?
2) how do people around you, who are not aware that you're high, describe what you look like when you are "nodding"?
I was a major opiate user. My use lasted about 30 months, purely for recreational purposes, and my doses incrased substantially over that time period. About 18 months into my addiction i was approached by someone at work who said i was "zoning out" at meetings. I was dosing about 400 mgs of oxycodone a day at this point. My work colleague described me as "staring into space for about 8 seconds and then SNAP i was back in the room". The interesting aspect is that i had no idea i was doing it. None. At about this time my wife started complaining about me "zoning out". Again, i had no idea. I thought i was just high. It wasn't my goal to "nod" and i became very concerned when word got out at my job that i was "falling asleep at client meetings".
Armed with the knowledge that people were starting to become aware of something going on i did what most addicts would do. I did my best to hide it. By 24 months into my addiction i was dosing about 800 mg a day mixing oxycodone and opana. I concentrated very hard at wok and around people to ensure that i wouldn't "nod". But again, i had no idea when it would happen or what it looked like. And again, my brain was the same one that convinced itself that i could easily taper off whenever i wanted. I was delusional. People said i "looked tired". Clearly, i should have decreased my dosage. But i was a compulsive addict and that was never a real option, unless i couldn't cop.
Within the last couple months when my body started to break down i became aware that i was "nodding". Not all the time. Only sometimes.
So, back to my initial question. To oxy users out there who are in the business of hiding your addiction, is "nodding" something that you're aware of or is it just an expression? How have people around you described what you look like without being aware you were dosed?
Btw, my addiction peaked at 1.2 grams per day of oxycodone (endocets 10/325) and Opana (40 mgs). I still have my job. No one found out. I'm 9 weeks on subs. And, miracle of all miracles, my liver is fine.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
