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December Getting/Staying Sober Thread v. Reflections.

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Hi all. Used to frequent BL a lot and I was heavily into smack and cocaine. Almost four years ago I went into treatment and have been sober ever since with the help of AA, and I've never been happier. I'm really happy to see that there is a sobriety area now. To all those struggling, just don't give up, and congrats to those who are doing the damn thing! It does get better! I'll definitely be following this thread
 
Day 4 complete. It maysound strange that I close each day by saying completed; but to me I look at each 24 hours as a mission not to use
 
I experienced a strange event today... after suffering most of the day struggling through the symptoms around 4:00 I started to feel better out of no where. It was like I was at 20 percent the jumped to 70 percent or better. I didn't expect it just out of no where I found myself not dwelling on it. I'm thankful for that moment. It was like something somewhere gave me hope. I needed it. Im so tired now but in a better way. I almost think I can sleep more than just the short burst of sleep I been getting. Anyone struggeling in the first few days fight through. Spoken by someone who just made 4 days after failing dozens of times on day 3. That spark of relief was the flicker of light to keep moving forward.
 
Ha.. thats what I call seeing the light at the end of the tunnel=D

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Keep going J rod:)
 
Day 113 for me. Thanks for all the support guys <3 I couldn't have done it without all of you! I don't have the time to comment individually tonight but I'm so proud and happy we're all in this together. Let's keep it going! This is a great month and a month to be happy in!
 
neversickanymore said:
Ha.. thats what I call seeing the light at the end of the tunnel=D

6517745793_b9b83ae87c_z.jpg


Keep going J rod:)
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Photo i took a few weeks ago.

The light is there! just keep heading towards it!


Been struggling a lot lately with making friends. I have my girlfriend which i met in recovery, however i haven't really met anyone else i see myself being good friends with and it really sucks. It's also difficult in that my girlfriend went to santa cruz for school, i see her every weekend at the very least, but its made me realize how little friends i have besides her. I suppose it's actually a good thing right now, because if she was still at arms length 24/7 and i don't make any new friends it could become codependent really quickly.

I have a really hard time putting myself out there and meeting people. I can talk real shit with people, things that matter in my life or the world that i know about - but i can't do small talk.. at all. I can't have simple mundane conversations with people 98% of the time. I don't know why... I just have nothing to say. Nothing comes to mind. This is by far the most difficult thing i have been struggling with, more difficult than not using itself. In my addiction it didn't matter - The people i was surrounded with, we always had common ground in drugs. Using, selling, whatever. Because of this and the fact that i did nothing that wasn't drug related from when i was 16 till 22 and video game addiction for years before that, i missed out developing key social skills i think. It really sucks. And if you can't have simple mundane small talk conversations with people just joking around shootin the shit, then you can't make friends. 98% of the time when i meet someone at a meeting or whatever i never get more then a minute or two past introducing ourselves before I'm not really saying much and they say something like "well good meeting you" and walk away.

I went to a new meeting tonight, haven't been to a meeting in a month or two cause i was getting discouraged, but i know that won't help either so i went to one tonight finally and met with my sponsor for the first time in a while earlier this week. started step 8 and whatnot so I'm back to working a program and i've been staying sober, but i really need to figure out social skills and make some friends cause I'm pretty badly depressed about this right now. :(

deleted everyones phone numbers when i got sober, and starting over from scratch is fucking hard when you have no social skills. :(
 
caseface99 said:
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And if you can't have simple mundane small talk conversations with people just joking around shootin the shit, then you can't make friends. 98% of the time when i meet someone at a meeting or whatever i never get more then a minute or two past introducing ourselves before I'm not really saying much and they say something like "well good meeting you" and walk away.
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As someone who used to have that same problem, let me tell you that reading books outside my comfort zone helped me out a lot with adapting to new people, jobs, etc. Going from pure science fiction to biography, to alternative history, to travel--put my brain in different zones, and gave me new perspectives. It really takes away the walls, or at least lowers them. Give it a shot, Face, if you have the time.
 
Day 5 complete. My head is foggy and my body hurts so bad I feel like I took a beating. This thing beat on me today but I made it. Home safe now. Im dying for solid sleep but im ok if I don't. I've accepted this part of tbe challenge. thankful for one more day.... and I was thinking I just may be able to pass a drug screen without cheating. Imagine that.
 
j_rod said:
Day 5 complete. My head is foggy and my body hurts so bad I feel like I took a beating. This thing beat on me today but I made it. Home safe now. Im dying for solid sleep but im ok if I don't. I've accepted this part of tbe challenge. thankful for one more day.... and I was thinking I just may be able to pass a drug screen without cheating. Imagine that.
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Hey man, I've talked about this before in detail, in other posts on BL, but you might consider brainwave entrainment to help w/ sleep. I've created a few of my own binaural and isochronic audio files that work for me that I'd be willing to upload to a server so you can download it. Just requires headphones and a quiet, peaceful environment--and it can help.

I'll be back online later tonight w/ a place to download the file.
 
OK, j_rod. Here's the link to download the audio file I recorded from specific parameters. My trial was ending w/ Neuro-Programmer 3, so I recorded all of my stuff in lossless 24-bit audio; I'm a purist, so even though I compressed to .mp3, it's still high quality, so the file is rather large, approx. 100mb. If this is too big, I will be happy to render at a lower fidelity (and smaller filesize). Actually I'm going to edit this post in a minute... It's taking a bit to upload.

I have others, too... even one that purportedly helps w/ cravings. Although I stopped using it because it didn't work too well. But this sleep-specific one never fails. Takes my racing distracted mind and gathers my thoughts up into a cloud that slowly evaporates into a clear, star-filled night sky, carrying it, and myself, away on spirit winds...

Just find a good pair of headphones (required for the binaural beat to work) and eliminate any distracting sounds and light, close your eyes, and listen at a comfortable volume. No need to make it loud. Just comfortable. As loud as if you had a box-fan sitting next to your bed on medium--works best for me.

Binaural beats in a nutshell: since human hearing at the lowest level drops significantly around 20hz, and we are trying to synchronize our own brain's frequency wavelengths to the program's, which slowly drops from a low alpha to high theta, and eventually into low theta (which is deep, deep REM sleep) we produce different frequency tones, pulses, in each channel (L & R), to which the brain automatically takes the difference and syncs to that freq. Say a 40hz and a 50hz pulse, would be perceived as 10hz (below the audible range) but voila, it works. My program plays with a slow transition from higher frequencies, w/ a "static" oscillating background that's really conducive to calming neurotic thought patterns and shit.

Enjoy.

ONE MORE THING...

There's a certain way I've trained myself to listen to binaural and isochronic beats. Don't take it all in. Focus on its eyes, and pay attention to its lips, but, without losing that "eye contact" use your peripheral vision to take in the rest of it. Kind of like when you meet a woman, and are attracted to her figure, but by all means intend to behave politely, and are not about to be caught lowering your eyes to her bodice, etc. For me, this is the perfect way to "shake hands" and sync up with the beats.

EDIT - That link, that file I uploaded, had another piece recorded within it. I was probably playing a cop-block vid during the recording, and it picked it up. I have a cleaner version that I'll reupload.
 
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