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Dealing with irrationally angry housemate?

munki

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2000
Messages
625
Location
wa
So, I have had this much younger housemate for over a year (she is only 20), let's call her M, and while things have generally have been pretty good, with her keeping to herself and generally paying her portion of bills on time, the last few months have turned into a downward slide. For one thing, she moved a friend of hers into her room, without informing anyone else in the house that this girl was going to be living here. I had let the bills slide a couple months and finally added them up two months ago with each person's portion clearly written out, and M wrote a nasty "WTF" and other assorted negativities on it. She then only gave me about $35 of the $140 that the bill total was.

Since I didn't want the bills to slide anymore I compiled the bills again for this month, and split it 6 ways, every bill clearly noted, and put a deadline on it for two weeks from when I had written it. I saw M look at this with no remark. Her friend paid for her own portion of the bills before the due date, as well as the other housemates. A week past the due date I found out from her friend that M had thought her friend had paid for both of their portions so I sent a text about hoping there wasn't a misunderstanding and informed her what her new bill total was.

This ensued a complete shitstorm of literally 50 deranged texts from M in an hour's period all proclaiming what a surprise it was, who the fuck am I to tell her this, that she should move because its so expensive to live here (its not), she's hardly ever here, so on and so forth. Her mom sent me a check so bills are fine now, but she told me that night that if I didn't "want to get hurt" I am not to talk to her about bills before noon. It is nearly laughable that she actually threatened me considering she weighs about 40 pounds less than me, and is half a foot shorter, so I have little fear from her. She's just a huge shit talker.

The other housemates want me to kick her out, but I would like to have a sit-down to tell how unacceptable it was for her to throw a tantrum over something that is a fact of being a grownup and living away from mommy and daddy and most especially for threatening me with violence. They would be present for this conversation. Unfortunately I don't know how to go about it without her screaming over everybody (her method of being dominant over others). I just want to have a rational discussion.

Oh, BTW, it sounds like an abusive relationship between M and her friend. M will send multiple texts asking her what she is doing if she comes up to chat for more than five minutes. M tells this friend that M is the only one who cares about her. I think M actually expects her friend to pay for everything! And there was a the ten hour shower that occurred a couple weeks ago when M gave herself alcohol poisoning and was vomiting all night, and her way of covering it up was to leave the shower running the entire time. That water bill is going to be outrageous~!

Anyhow...any tips on dealing with crazy angry people?
 
So, I have had this much younger housemate for over a year (she is only 20), let's call her M, and while things have generally have been pretty good, with her keeping to herself and generally paying her portion of bills on time, the last few months have turned into a downward slide. For one thing, she moved a friend of hers into her room, without informing anyone else in the house that this girl was going to be living here. I had let the bills slide a couple months and finally added them up two months ago with each person's portion clearly written out, and M wrote a nasty "WTF" and other assorted negativities on it. She then only gave me about $35 of the $140 that the bill total was.

Since I didn't want the bills to slide anymore I compiled the bills again for this month, and split it 6 ways, every bill clearly noted, and put a deadline on it for two weeks from when I had written it. I saw M look at this with no remark. Her friend paid for her own portion of the bills before the due date, as well as the other housemates. A week past the due date I found out from her friend that M had thought her friend had paid for both of their portions so I sent a text about hoping there wasn't a misunderstanding and informed her what her new bill total was.

This ensued a complete shitstorm of literally 50 deranged texts from M in an hour's period all proclaiming what a surprise it was, who the fuck am I to tell her this, that she should move because its so expensive to live here (its not), she's hardly ever here, so on and so forth. Her mom sent me a check so bills are fine now, but she told me that night that if I didn't "want to get hurt" I am not to talk to her about bills before noon. It is nearly laughable that she actually threatened me considering she weighs about 40 pounds less than me, and is half a foot shorter, so I have little fear from her. She's just a huge shit talker.

The other housemates want me to kick her out, but I would like to have a sit-down to tell how unacceptable it was for her to throw a tantrum over something that is a fact of being a grownup and living away from mommy and daddy and most especially for threatening me with violence. They would be present for this conversation. Unfortunately I don't know how to go about it without her screaming over everybody (her method of being dominant over others). I just want to have a rational discussion.

Oh, BTW, it sounds like an abusive relationship between M and her friend. M will send multiple texts asking her what she is doing if she comes up to chat for more than five minutes. M tells this friend that M is the only one who cares about her. I think M actually expects her friend to pay for everything! And there was a the ten hour shower that occurred a couple weeks ago when M gave herself alcohol poisoning and was vomiting all night, and her way of covering it up was to leave the shower running the entire time. That water bill is going to be outrageous~!

Anyhow...any tips on dealing with crazy angry people?

chuck her out now, she doesn't sound like you would get anywhere if you talked to her. find a replacement.

what kind of contract has she got???
 
The way to deal with this is to kick her out. It's not going to get better and eventually this chick is going to leave you with some big bills. Don't engage her in argument, just kick her ass out. Kick her friend out too. It got past the manageable point when she moved her friend in without telling anyone.
 
sounds like she is extremely immature i dont see her taking part in rational discussions and if that doesnt work out i say kick her out you dont owe her anything
 
I have been in a similar situation, though I was the one that left. I signed off my portion of the lease and I kept it voluntary. I wasn't the immature one. I couldn't stand the thin walls and former roommate kept having dudes over from the bar indiscriminately. Former roommate ripped me off for a few hundred as well. Now, I live with 2 housemates that are wonderful people in a big house where we do not get in each others' way. We hang out when our schedules permit, and I think we'll even throw a party next weekend.

I recommend either leaving or kicking M (and whomever she moved into your house) out. As someone said above, it's not important to engage her into an argument - that could backfire for you badly. You don't want an assault charge out of this. Since you seem to have a stable household otherwise, I'd go with your housemates' wishes to kick her out. If she's not paying the bills, has violated other housemates by moving someone else in without permission... I know I'd be pissed.

Fair game to kick her out. Your housemates may get angry or upset with you if you don't. Keep your household stable by telling M to GTFO - give her a few days or whatever notice is required where you live, and discuss the fact that you are so doing with your other housemates. If your collective situation is working out for the rest of you, stay courteous, follow the law, and keep your cool. :)

Living with housemates requires a high level of communication. It's not always easy, but if you show your housemates a basic level of respect and get the untrustworthy a-holes out, you'll have a very happy home. :)
 
Man, that's crazy. Makes me thankful I've only lived with men who I can kick out at any time. lol

I would get rid of her too, especially if she's starting to threaten you. If you're feeling generous, sit her down and explain that you're going to have to act if she doesn't start coming up with her portion. It sucks for the friend who you say is paying his? her? portion. I'd say replace her with the friend, but that will just mean she will be around the house, and I wouldn't trust my personal belongings around someone who is so irrational that they would threaten me.
 
So, things came to a head last wednesday, with her sending at least 70 deranged text messages. I texted her: "I can evict you in person, or over text, your choice". This is not my ideal method of communicating but we have very opposite schedules so I hardly ever see her. This ensued a storm of texts to every member in the house, and everyone was getting caught up in her vortex of insanity. I was ready to boot out by last weekend, but then her mom spoke with me on the phone, so I rescinded the immediate kickout to thirty days notice. Her mom acknowledged that she was being a spoiled little brat about the bills, but at the same time seemed to be making excuses for her daughter's behavior, like how she is grouchy in the mornings, works a low paying job, etc. I don't care about excuses! There are certain behaviors which are completely unacceptable. This woman has also repeatedly gotten into abusive relationships with men who beat the shit out of her and her kids, so I don't really have much respect for someone's opinions who has obviously made so many poor choices. I know that is being judgmental, but her mom is probably a huge part in how screwed up this girl is! My beau's daughter is around my housemate's age, and is NOTHING like her, so age and immaturity are not the only reasons.

She denies ever threatening me, even though another housemate definitely overheard her threat. She claims its all a conspiracy to get her kicked out. She even said her friend didn't hear her threaten me, but her friend was not in the room when she did, and other housemate definitely overheard it and has my back.

She is making herself scarce, but still its kinda uncomfortable to have her in the house. Luckily their room is in the downstairs of the house, so I rarely have to see her, even when she is home. Rent is due today, so hopefully everything will be paid without me having to "remind" anyone.
 
Rent is due today, so hopefully everything will be paid without me having to "remind" anyone.

Everyone should pay their rent on time. I would have zero fucking tolerance for anyone who did not. I suggest you contact the rent board or a mediator. Nonpayment of rent is an absolute violation of any agreement that may exist, but it has to be done according to procedure. Basically, tell the rent board what you stated in this thread - that she's not paying rent, not making an effort to pay rent, moved in another person without notification, etc... even though I am not a lawyer, I know those are very firm grounds for eviction.

If you think she or her unauthorized subtenant would harm you or your property, you know who to contact - as tough as it is to get the authorities involved, it's even tougher to pick up the pieces after you have been hurt or robbed.

Save every text message out there, document everything, and start looking for a new roommate, IMO. If one of them pays for the next 30 days (and you were a lot nicer about that than I would have been) they're paying for a 1-person occupancy absent another agreement. There are a lot of people who are nice, respectful, and who would like to live in a place with other nice and respectful people.
 
Kudos to you for taking the time to do all the running around to get rent. Damn, girl, that's such a PITA.

Is she on drugs or was she drunk? That would drive me insane, but I think finding a good roommate is so much rarer than finding a bad one. The 30 days was probably a good idea. I know by me you can't just kick someone out. Is she on the lease? It might be harder to get rid of her if she's on the lease.
 
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