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Dating someone with bipolar disorder

wizekrak

wizekrak

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 20, 2000
Messages
4,250
Hey bluelight, so here's the deal. I've been dating this amazing girl for about a week now. A mutual friend
Wanted to set us up thinking we would be great matches for each other and they were pretty much right. We get along great, same interests and totally sexually compatible. Basically I couldnt ask for more in a woman, though we don't know each other super well yet.

So I think she's great. But yesterday she told me she is bipolar but has been on meds for quite some time and her combination works really well for her. This isnt a problem for me at all as she keeps on top of her regimen and you would have no idea she had the diagnosis.

I have an extended family member with bipolar and she abused the hell out of her ex husband and her current one too. Total manipulation and self serving behavior. Granted I'm a healthcare professional so I'm familiar with psychiatric illness and it's management. So I guess my question is to anyone who has dated someone with bipolar who is well managed with meds or who may be bipolar themselves, any tips, things to watch for, or causes for concern? She's an amazing girl in everyway I just want to be careful I guess. She has many close friends and holds down life responsibilities well so I'm not too worried or anything. Just want to make sure I'm not walking in to shit storm.
 
I think those with a mild mania are easier to manage and understand.

Those manics that reach the level of a diagnosed disorder might not make for good longterm relationship material.
 
I would say that there is a lot more hope for this relationship than one with someone who's borderline. I dated a girl once who was bi-polar and it didn't go super well, but, to be perfectly honest, I think the girl had a lot more going on than just being bi-polar. I'm no expert, but there had to have been something else...
 
verso said:
I would say that there is a lot more hope for this relationship than one with someone who's borderline. I dated a girl once who was bi-polar and it didn't go super well, but, to be perfectly honest, I think the girl had a lot more going on than just being bi-polar. I'm no expert, but there had to have been something else...
Click to expand...

borderline often is comorbid with bipolar around 50% of the time. truesay
 
I personally think it may be best to stay away from this overly complicated type. You really seem to have fallen into a pattern of picking less than stable female companions/compatriots.

At least that is the impression I get from reading your posts over the years.

Why do you think your love life is such an unstable mess? I know it is hard to find someone to be real with, but this seems like such a bad cycle you have created for yourself.

Maybe I am completely off base. Forgive me and these assumptions if I am.
 
Which comes first? The neorological imbalance to the extreme, or the semi-histrionic personality style?

Maybe they both mature at the same time? Of course one's social circles growing up feed and shape the latter I bet.
 
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wize, dammit, I've been so busy and neglected your FB messages. I'm sorry. And then i see this. I'll just lay it out for ya, even if I'm trying to keep you single for my own pleasure. ;)

I don't think I would do it, personally. You have no time invested with her, so you can cut your losses before having any issues. 3 months down the road it will be a lot harder to let go, and this forum is filled with too many bad bipolar stories.

Just my two cents. Perhaps try to go into it veryyyyyyyy slowllyyyyyyyyyyy.
 
if she is on meds and they work for her, go for it! i see little risk.

geez, i didnt even realise bipolar was a turn off, maybe thats why ive been single for so long =D
 
It can make for a bumpy ride. A lot of people prefer stability paired with predictability in their love life.

Some people like the drama, including talking about it. It makes for good reading, but not good interpersonal living in my personal experience.

If you want to take on the challenge of wrangling with your love for days, months, or years, I say go for it. Otherwise, stear clear and hopefully something or someone more suitable--even if unfamiliar--will slip into view on the road ahead.

:)
 
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I dated a bipolar guy once and he was craaaaaaazy. When he wasn't manic it was fine but when he was he'd turn into a totally different person that I could not relate to. I think he had a pretty severe case of it though.
 
If she is staying on her meds and the meds are working very well then her diagnosis really shouldn't matter. You're going to have to see how she acts and how she treats you in the long run. If she's doing so well that she's hardly symptomatic or has gone into remission then, as I said, the diagnosis really shouldn't matter. If she goes off of her meds and she becomes symptomatic, and she doesn't treat you too well, and she becomes too difficult to be around, then you may want to reconsider remaining in the relationship.

Example: I have bipolar type I but have been in remission for four years. I take my medications every day and I have displayed absolutely no symptoms for four years. Unless people have known me from before when I wasn't doing well, they have a very difficult time accepting that I have bipolar disorder; they just don't want to believe me because, to them, they can't see anything 'wrong' with me. Nobody really gives a shit when I tell them my diagnosis because, to them, I'm 'just like them'. I'm not acting crazy. I'm not lashing out at people or behaving recklessly. I'm not bothering or hurting anyone. The woman I'm involved with knew me and had dated me from before when I wasn't doing so well, but now that I've been on my meds and in remission she has no issue being involved with me. She regularly states how much of a different, better person I am now that I've chosen to remain in treatment.

If this woman is doing as well as I have been and she's going to stay in treatment then you really shouldn't have anything to worry about. It's when and if she stops taking the meds or becomes really ill that you will have to worry or reassess the relationship that you have with her.

Edit:

Google Books has a free preview of "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" (books.google.com then search for the book title). I recommend reading the preview and possibly purchasing the book for yourself.
 
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Indeed. She wants to slow things down since we moved way too fast in the first week. Plus I'm really busy with finals coming up in two weeks so we agreed to kinda hit the reset button on things. Basically she needs to keep things pretty balanced for her own sanity and over the last week she hasn't been able to get all the things done she needs to, which I totally understand. I don't want to mess up her life at all or all the hard work she puts in to staying in remission. So basically gonna play it by ear for the next little while and see how things go. If things workout then great, if they don't then they don't. But I'm everything and more she looks for in a guy, which is pretty nice.
 
That's cool.

Good luck then on the journey ahead. I'm rooting for yah.

:)
 
I am very familiar with all of these disorders. The semi-histrionic personality, borderline and all this other nonsense should be thrown out the window at this time. The guy simply said that this friend of his is bi-polar. If the girl is taking a medication combo that actually works for her, that is outstanding. I don't know that many people who are bipolar that have found a cocktail that works. Like he said with his family, the nonsense went on for years. It seems as though she has it under control. There are also different levels of the diagnosis. I am a full believer in looking into ones past to see the future. The only way it doesn't repeat itself is if you make a conscious effort to make changes in your life, which it seems she has and is open to talk about it. The worst is stage is always when someone won't admit they have a problem. Another thing to consider, the crazier the person, the better off you will be in bed. All of these conditions stem from sex one way or another and in my experience, it takes one to know one. Birds of a feather flock together, even if the guys won't admit that. Another thing to consider when dating someone is the Myers-Briggs personality test. To correctly assess someones personality flaws, you must understand what personality you are even dealing with.
 
It's not hate it's just that the contents of your mind aren't accessible to everyone so people who aren't going the million-miles-a-minute required to keep up have no fucking clue what's going on up there and it can be scary for the uninitiated.
 
My spider sense tells me I'm probably out of luck on this one. Probably one of those cases of lightning in a bottle, ha. Any physical contact has been getting progressively less sexual in nature since she said she wanted to cool things. But for the next couple weeks I'm super busy so gives me time to assess things objectively and see if this situation is something I want to pursue or if its better left as just friends. If nothing else I got some amazing sex out of it and another person to add to my collection of weirdos. And Lysis, our deal still stands, let me know if you're ever in my town, haha.
 
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