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Daily Personal Affirmations Log Vs IM THE SHIT & NOT a piece a.. not playing me. NOPE

i will not become like the guy in 'wake in fright' . i really should not have watched that movie when i was already in the grips of feelings of impending doom and immense pressure and stress. i would also not recommend watching adam curtis documentaries when in the grips of existential nightmare.

lots of negatives in such a positive beautiful thread, its just that kind of day today :/
 
There are so many more interesting things to worry about than how I look when I walk out the door.=D
 
I am moving forward in my life for the first time I'm years. I'm rushed with feelings I haven't had for awhile and am humbled that I feel its not yet over for me. I'm going to fight as hard as I can so I can beat this addiction and get a grip on my life. Time to love myself for once.
 
I'm not getting it all right at the moment but I'm making progress in the right direction.

I've been cleaning out my yard both literally and emotionally, it's odd how the 2 things seem to go together for me. I've managed to reassemble my beloved 1964 scooter and get it running again, it seemed to give me the energy to start addressing some deeper issues with my personal relationships.

I really feel progress this week, I seem to have been stuck up my own arse in a rut of pointless self pity and self loathing for sometime and only just realised :)
 
I get that, Allein. Sometimes I will ferociously clean my house and it is obvious that I am trying to ferociously clean off the mental layers t get to some stuff I had so far buried that I didn't even realize it was going on. What I love about those times is that the benefit is double--you deal with some issues AND you get a clean house. Or garden in your case.
 
I know this isn't the music thread but this record sums things up for me, I've been a fan of Paul Weller since my teens

Paul Weller - Brand New Start

I'm gonna clear out my head
I'm gonna get myself straight
I know it's never too late
To make a brand new start

I'm gonna kick down the door
I'm gonna get myself in
I'm gonna fix up the yard
And not fall back again

I'm gonna clear up my earth
And build a heaven on the ground
Not something distant an' unfound
But something real to me
But something real to me

All that I can I can be
All that I am I can see
All that is mine is in my hands
So to myself I call

There's somewhere else I should be
There's someone else I can see
There's something more I can find
It's only up to me

I'm gonna clean up my earth
And build a heaven on the ground
Not something distant an' unfound
But something real to me
But something real to me

I'm gonna clean up my head
I'm gonna get myself straight
I feel it's never too late
To make a brand new start
 
I won't lie today was basically the top of the mountain in terms of shittiness and decision making time. All I see in front of me though...... beautiful; and that was my one worry. I actually started writing music again today for the first time in way too long, & that's my measurement for happiness. If I'm not writing, I'm not happy. Let's do this shit!
 
I must remember that I've traveled miles to get where I am at. No I'm not content where I am in life and my recovery but compared to 8months ago or even just 2 months ago, I have made huge strides. I am sober, I am employed, I have made exercise a daily habit. Even while in that darkest place I always held it together enough that my son never went without or was ignored. I am doing extremely well for a guy that was trapped in the dark and cold void last year this time. I need to accept that I am much stronger and braver than I give myself credit for.
 
cousinskeeter said:
I won't lie today was basically the top of the mountain in terms of shittiness and decision making time. All I see in front of me though...... beautiful; and that was my one worry. I actually started writing music again today for the first time in way too long, & that's my measurement for happiness. If I'm not writing, I'm not happy. Let's do this shit!
Click to expand...
Being able to write music again is definitely a good sign of healing. I have not been able to play my guitar since I stopped taking stimulants last July. I feel like I will know I'm on the the other side once I can pick my guitar up, tune it to open D, grab my slide and let those sweet delta blues flow again.
 
It's ok to be Owain.

Waking up in the morning and being Owain is not a crime.

Waking up in the morning and being Owain is nothing to be ashamed of.

Waking up in the morning and being Owain means I have the chance to try and make someome else's lfe better, when I do that I feel better and like my life has a meaning to it. Even if it's someting as small as making that supermarket worker half-way though their 12 hour shift laugh and distract them from watching the clcock for five minte.

Every little helps, and just being Owain enables me to tke part in a massive amount of these activities.

It's ok being Owain.
 
^There are quite a few people in the world that are happy that you wake up Owain.:)<3

I am strong enough to go through this tough time.
 
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