Training Log Cycle 3 Planning/Log

Ended up missing like five days of everything (gym, diet, PEDs) due to being sick. Dropped some weight because food was making me incredibly nauseous, and I also had diarrhea.

Have been back at it for four days now. Started superdrol at 12mg every 16 hours. No sides yet. I didn't lose any strength due to being sick and depleted, 5hough. The momentum of things is carrying me forward.

Libido went crazy again even just from taking five days off and then pinning a bit extra this week. Orgasms are so intense I actually get worried I could pass out. I usually am more submissive, or at least have been historically, but all of my recent fantasies have been dominant.

Going through some financial stuff again for a couple weeks. I was planning to order more and drive the DHB dose up, but that may not happen. At least not until the end of the cycle.
 
Tren will happen in time, I promise. I also want to run a gram of test for a stretch just to see how it feels.

Well it has been a year now since I first started pinning test and I'm sitting at essentially the same BF% now at 160 that I was then at 140. So I pretty much put on 20 quality pounds in a year. It may not be all muscle, but I'm still just as lean. I do think I could have eventually hit this weight and bodyfat naturally, but it would have taken years and I would have had to get significantly stronger. And the crispness and vascualrity could never have came naturally. Steroids definitely make it easier in a way, especially still gaining on a less-than-perfect diet, but I think if I want to hit 180 at this bodyfat it will take a ton of discipline. I think 170 at 10% is doable inaccurate year from now. That's the goal.

Gyno lumps have really shrunken down close to nothing, which makes the addict in me think "well if just not doing any anadrol for 4-6 months straightens it out, then why not do anadrol again?" Strength has not jumped yet on sdrol. 3-4 days on drol and it kicks hard, so I guess we will see if this is really "super anadrol."
 
Staying elsewhere for four straight nights so yesterday it was:
300 Sust
300 DHB
300 mast

And then today I took 25mg anadrol (now have two pills left in my stash instead of 3) and 12mg superdrol as my pre. Only did pump stuff since I had to cram a session in at a gym I haven't been to before, but I have NEVER felt a pump like that.

The only downside is that I'm losing weight due to this job I'm working over the weekend and how draining it is. Even stuffing my face. But I look right and, well, like I'm on steroids.
 
Lol. Don't worry about the weight loss. Just gonna be fluid and digestive tract content. You're on enough gear you won't lose muscle. Waist is tighter I bet.
 
Ya, ab veins are popping.

So man oh man this big injection I took on last Friday (well I did one in each quad but the right one was most of it) has really gotten painful in the past 24 hours. So several days later. And I feel a low-grade fever that, and i have no backing for this other than intuition, feels like it's related. Fever responds to ibuprofen. But my whole quad is super sore. Agonizing to sit down, put pants on, etc.
 
Hot compress. Alternate ibuprofen and Tylenol. Watch the redness to make sure it's not growing. Keep an eye for red streaks to be on the lookout for blood poisoning. You know, shit we watched out for as junkies lol.
 
Well I'm finally recovered from that pip disaster. It took a solid 9-10 days before I was able to squat properly, put on shoes/pants normally, and so on. Around the 5-8 day point I was seriously worried that I had PERMANENTLY messed my leg up. Hands down the worst pip I have ever had. It never got red or hugely swollen or anything, it just knotted and the bruised feeling was extremely intense. But ya, I laugh at guys on forums saying to "train through the pain" in such a situation or that warming up properly could make squatting possible. I was walking around like a pirate with a wooden leg. If I had to squat to save my dying family, they would have died. And because i was walking like that, the first day I really could put weight on that leg and bend my knee, my stride felt compromised and wobbly because all of the other muscles in that leg had taken the time off too.

I've stopped everything but test and have just taken 250 or so of sustanon the past two weeks. And this and next week I plan to do the same, as I am so busy with work right now that I'm just hanging tight. I'm going to place a new order and drive the doses up a bit.

I applied for a promotion with my company last week and I swear it was the kind of thing I wouldn't have had the confidence to do if i wasn't on gear. It would be an extremely demanding job physically and mentally if I get it, and I'd go from managing a team of five to a team of around fifteen. But the money would be awesome. So we will see. Still waiting on the call for the interview, but I don't think that happens until the posting officially comes down tomorrow.
 
Guys, I actually could use some advice on my job situation. As mentioned before, I signed up for a job posting with the same company but at a different location. 25% pay increase. Closer to home. I'd be leading a team of 6-7. The problem is that it's in an area I'm not trained for and it's going to be very demanding. No clue how good the training and resources would be. But I would be given overtime if I needed it out the gate to figure the job out. And I have a good relationship with the upper managers at that location (one is a gay guy who constantly tells me how he likes that I take care of my body). I'm fairly confident that I'm going to be offered this job in a week or so based on the texts a different senior manager has been sending me.

The fear is obviously sinking because I can't adapt well/fast enough even though I'd give it my all. And sinking means falling down to entry level and well below the threshold for my monthly bills.

My current boss is telling me that she thinks I'd sink, but I wonder if she's just afraid to lose me as her trusted backup.

Part of me wants to accept the job, run a serious cycle that has me super confident and energized, and just take control of this team and dominate. Part of me sees that as foolish and I should stay where I am at.
 
RedLeader said:
Part of me wants to accept the job, run a serious cycle that has me super confident and energized, and just take control of this team and dominate. Part of me sees that as foolish and I should stay where I am at.
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I'm sure you could adapt to a new job mate, everyone has this fear when going for something out of their comfort zone, but you learn through the experience and people are generally comfortable giving time for things to come together in the new role.

But what you say about 'dominating' has me thinking that you're looking at this all wrong. Managing and leading people is never about dominating, it's about empowering them to do the work themselves and providing support, guidance and direction where required. Technically speaking that's what being an 'alpha' is - being a quasi-empath - and is one reason a lot of those discussions about leading, like on YouTube, make me cringe so badly.
 
CFC said:
But what you say about 'dominating' has me thinking that you're looking at this all wrong. Managing and leading people is never about dominating, it's about empowering them to do the work themselves and providing support, guidance and direction where required. Technically speaking that's what being an 'alpha' is - being a quasi-empath - and is one reason a lot of those discussions about leading, like on YouTube, make me cringe so badly.
Click to expand...

Oh ya, I didn't mean to sound like a cringey person at all, but I can see how that could be interpreted that way not really knowing me. I meant dominate on a personal level. Taking control of my finances, health, well-being and such. Synonymous with succeeding. I'm very much subscribed to the methods of leadership you laid out. Lead in the ways that I've wanted to be led. It's just not in my personality to want to dominate other people in the power games stuff. And I hate authority so I would never want others to feel like I'm their authority. Just using my skills to help the group do it's best. Test and whatnot just gives me more confidence in my ability to do just that.
 
I'm not saying you're coming across as cringe, I just meant that if you subscribed to some of those ideas that are so popular right now about how to 'lead' and if that's what's making you think you wouldn't be suited to the new role, then think again. From what you say you sound like someone who would enjoy leading others, pulling them together into a team and directing them to get the best out of them. But all those skills take some time to develop and the only way to know for sure is to go for it man :)
 
Go for it! You need something good as it seems like you've had it a bit rough lately. You'll make it.
 
People who hate authority tend to be some of the better leaders I?ve seen. It keeps them in a ?team? mindset and the authority is a lot less likely to go to their head. Makes for a lot more respect and higher productivity.

Obviously gear does impact mood, drive, etc but I?d also focus on honing some of those mindsets in general as I don?t think it?s a particularly good thing to use gear in order to be able to ?take control? of aspects of people?s lives or things along those lines
 
I think a lot about what swim said regarding being nicer and calmer as a person, even if the anger/rage exists, to stay far removed from any stereotypes. And, of course, for my own mental peace and personal development. As I get bigger and bigger, the accusations will only get more frequent and I want to have a reputation at work for being the opposite of what people think of BBers. So that's now where I put my mind when I feel the rage at work, and I calm right down.

Anyway, I actually was offered a different job. It's at the location close to home (so the same one where the aforementioned job would be). It's to be second-in-line on a team of about fifteen. And it won't require as much training because I know most of the tasks. The pay will depend on how much OT I am offered, but it will be roughly a $3 increase per hour over my current job. Plus savings on transportation and the opportunity cost of ten hours per week on a bus. It will be third shift, so I'm going to try and work like 9pm-5am and go to the gym right after. Be one of those 5am freaks.

Now I just have two other issues that are really stressing me out in life that I need to try and resolve. It's hard to be excited for the new job with those two things still stressing me out. There's always something, right?
 
So I guess one of the guys on the team I will be co-leading really wanted the job I was instead given. Senior management even warned me to "anticipate bad blood" from this guy. Essentially he's lazy and easily distracted but has been on that team for ten years and does, as aresult, know everything well. But they pick me, who works my ass off but needs to be trained up for this team and has only been with the company two years. So I'm going to be walking into a situation where there will be resentment toward me (and the greater situation) from this guy and his friends. Any thoughts on how I should best try and make things work?
 
Make efforts to befriend and flatter everyone else, so he can't easily undermine your position by slating you behind your back. Once that's secure and he sees he can't push you around, go out of your way a couple times to show you respect him, maybe agreeing openly with something he says or complimenting him, and hopefully the resentment will then evaporate.
 
So I'm one week into the new job. Worked 63 hours in six days of third shift. The team has actually been very kind to me, including the guy I beat out. I feel like they are desperate for a leader who will help make the job environment less miserable. The job itself is really hard. Not intellectually, but just the sheer amount of work that is expected of us. We are not given enough hours to stay organized, but senior management does not want to hear that. Management tells us to be very hard on the team and "encourage them to be more productive," yet there is a union and it does protect the slower workers, so it's one big struggle.

If I work 60+ hours per week, I actually will make more (via OT) than the salaried senior managers, but I don't know if I want that. But after 11 hours of work I convince myself to go home and sleep....get up three hours before work and go to the gym...then I sleep right until work. So I need to force myself to go to the gym after work because that is easier still than trying to force myself out of bed.

Still, I've managed three days in a row again. I stopped the DHB several weeks ago to reset pip and never started back up (due to hectic life) but I kept doing test at 300/wk. I know, dangerous territory. And I started back on superdrol this week as a pre. As soon as I stopped DHB the rage/anger I was feeling went away, so surely it was causing it. If I choose to fall into B&C, then I will probably order a blast in a couple weeks and start it once I am settled into the new job. Still have to secure a new lease on my apartment too, which I hope to achieve this week. I'm tempted to move into a studio to save money (living alone in a 2BR right now), but there are no close studios and I dont have a license, so I imagine it would start to suck living far from work. My current apartment is a fifteen minute walk from my new job (amazing how that worked out).

I've been stuck in this mentality for years now (even after getting clean and sober from hard drugs) that I will never be able to get out of debt. That I'd end up moving overseas or something. There are student loans, credit cards, overdrafts accounts, medical bills....I never intended to outlive heroin and thus threw all caution to the wind. It's bad and I'm all alone in this world. But this job, if I can make it last, might allow me to make progress. At least to improve my credit and such. So I am now obsessed with trying to live poor to get out of debt.

Still want to compete next March in the Animal cage at the Arnold (I live in Columbus). AMRAP bodyweight bench. I need to start focusing on that in my training because I do think I could work up to 25+ by then. Haven't weighed myself lately but I'd guess 155-160. Strengh is still the same but I'm definitely not as pumped/crisp as I was a few weeks ago.
 
Just keep grinding man. Glad to hear that you're union so that you do get some decent treatment.
Weigh the benefits of living close to work in a more expensive apt vs further away but cheaper. Write out the expense change that would come about and also factor in time. You're doing great man. We're slaves to a different needle now lol. You're making the right decision to "cruise" right now til things are settled down a bit.
 
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