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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

cutting

*possibly triggering post*


I really fucking want to cut so bad its unreal.

Im just sat here in my own little world fighting this war in my head that i hope i win.

It's been 5 weeks since my last cut and these urges just get stronger and stronger - i want to stop, but it seems that this is about the longest i can ever get before everything gets on top of me and becomes too much. I dont even know whats set this off - nothings happened, ive just been sat on here chilling out all day.

Why do I get the feeling im going to loose this battle?
 
try doing something to distract yourself. take a really hot shower. go for a walk. call someone. play one of those mindless games on line. spin around in circles and get really dizzy.

these sorts of things work for a short period of time, i don't know of any long term suggestions :\
 
It's been more than a year since I've hurt myself. I'm restarting that timer. Someone messaged me today, maybe it was the fact that I never had any closure with her, the feelings just overwhelmed me and I ripped into myself. Just one. Rip. It was a struggle between "I don't want to feel" and "I want to feel" but alternating ripping into myself and downing opiates obviously wouldn't produce any results, so I went for the nearer object of harm. The throbbing seems to have calmed me somewhat, and I'm going to sleep it off. Pretty sure I'll be fine and dandy tomorrow (albeit sore), or at least feel some semblance of being comfortably numb.

Gee, I rarely ever make such outbursts, much less posts, but this just hit home. Thank you for this thread =)
 
I just make little shallow cuts over top of each other to take my mind off the agony in my ears and kidneys (only started recently) it helps a little but I feel disgusted with myself. using pain to combat pain. fuck I can't wait till friday when I can get some fucking morphine and don't have to do this anymore, at least not until I run out of money again.
 
I havent cut in about 5 years and havent really felt the need to in that time but something is telling me to do it. I feel like piercing every part of my body. Im going to do it. fuck it.

The reason being that I am trying to quit smoking pot today, people think its piss easy but I can tell you now its harder than an IV meth habit to quit. I have this overwhelming urge to hurt myself and be a complete emo, ive realised that I am obviousely in fact emo inside. BTW I dont cut to be emo or for attention, like most of you would know that release is what im after.

I just hope I dont get addicted to cutting like i have with drugs and just about everything else I like. I cant even enjoy something, anything without it overtaking my life to the point of destruction.
 
So. I seem to have this thing
where i generally freak out and go retarded emo
mostly in a monthish radius around my birthday
which is dumb
but i have come to expect it
so i emo about for a quarter of the year trying not to mangle my arm off or some shit
then i cut myself up and drink furiously for a month or so
then it is generally ok

i think it sorta builds up over the year

anyhow, the point is sitting around waiting for it to get much pisses me off
so this year I will try setting a date.
one set day where i can lie around and bleed in a bathtub
it will be great
november 21? sounds good as any
 
^ There must be some reason why your birthday acts as a trigger. Can you identify what it is? Family stuff perhaps?
 
Ouch....nov 21 was the day my stepdad died. I've been cut free for a few weeks now under threat of my hours being cut at work cuz my open wounds are a "health hazard" according to them. Duno how long that's gonna last though...just switch sites..
 
Used to cut quite alot until they keloided and became too bloody conspicuous. Switched the heating up needles under a lighter and shoving them in.. it isn't as good as cutting but is less obvious and then theres the added risk of hitting bones/blood vessels which makes it all the more fun for me.
 
^ I swear, I feel as if I don't deserve you guys and girls in TDS. I depend on all of you daily. I really hate that all of us can't meet up at the BL meetup, because of distance and whatever. I am just thankful we still can help each other and be as close as we are. I am still so disappointed in myself and I can't seem to kick the abandoned feeling out of my heart from my recent break up with my ex fiance. I am really taking things day for day, but with the love of TDS and my baby girls, I will make it through the day and hopefully many more. Thanks everyone here, I love my family here. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, I need it. *gives kiss and group hug*
 
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