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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

cutting

no offence but i just dont get self mutilation...i ad an accident about four years ago whilst workingon the roof of a commercial glasshouse,i slipped and landed ass first thru a sheet of glass and instinctively thru my arm out to stop my head going thru...it cut thru the tendons and 95% of the way thru my nerve in my wrist..i was lucky not to fall to the ground and possibly die, and luckier yet to still have an arm an use of it!!!(after surgeryand 6 months rehab that is)i have broken many bones,and had a few other mean accidents but honestly ive NEVER been in sooooo much pain in my entire fucking life!!!!!i now have no feeling in all but my 2 smallest fingers,pain everytime i knock my arm and a large scar as a reminder...please people find a different outlet for lifes problems
 
^ As you say you don't understand it ! Please stop making a personal perspective value judgement about other people !
I understand how it could upset you baffle or even annoy you, but you haven't lived the same life as anyone else and because of that can't conceive of what or why !
Just because you don't understand doesn't give you the right to try to ask/tell people to behave differently! All change comes from within , the best you will achieve is increasing the guilt factor and reinforcing the idea that society is looking down on you (cutters) !
So all in all if you cannot actively help or even be neutral, it would be preferable to remain silent and maybe think on the matter from a different perspective!
Thanks for reading this !:)
 
^ and this is why you are the most kick ass mod.

i was going to post anon, but i figure theres no harm in opening up as probably none of you do/ever will know who i am. soo, here goes.

ive struggled with 'depression' since i guess middle school. in highschool i think i pretty much got over it, or if not over it then i delt with it to the point where it was a non issue. the only times it seemed to rear its ugly head was when i was particularly torn up about something (gf issues mostly).

the first time i ever cut myself was my freshmen year. i had been feeling pretty low for a while... fought with my mom so much i moved in with my dad and moved out of the area. this was about 1/2 through the school year, so i was leaving all my friends and starting a new life in the middle of school. safe to say i was apprehensive, to say the least.

well, i found a gf fairly quick. lost my virginity to her, we got really close really quick, but it wasnt a healthy relationship. the first time she cheated on me it tore me the fuck up. i dont know where i got the idea for cutting (id never heard of it before) but i ended up breaking a disposable razor and using it to cut my arm. it felt incredible, the fucking release was like the first time i did OCs almost. blew me away.

things got better between us, and i didnt cut myself again for a long while. when we broke up, even, i didnt do it.

ive cut myself a few more times since then (i was never a 'heavy' cutter, but each time i would cut a significant amount of times...)

i guess lately ive been thinking about it more and more. ive come very close a couple times in the last few months (since ive come to school). tonight it seems like a strong strong possibility... usually ill just smoke a few bowls or take some vicodins, but i dont have either...

i really dont want to do it, would hate myself for it because it would represent the somewhat downward shift ive been on lately. ive realized shit hasnt been going well for a while, but still... i guess as long as i keep myself from doing anything physical i can keep faking myself into believing its all ok, ya know?

i dont know why im telling you all this. i will probably delete it pretty soon. maybe i just needed to get it all out there.
 
^ that's OK you can PM if you want to. anyway tis all good really, basically the only person that can help you is you, like fucking forgive yourself! If you catch my drift?

Much love!:) :D %)

Bloody hell when we were in my drinking den before I swear you were a sexy lady now I feel tricked but hey i won't hold it against you like !;)

I presume you do follow what I am on about re: drinking den ?
 
thanks man, ill pm you if i feel the need to later, im fine right now... just reminiscing bout long lost loves, ya know?

lol i think so. if you are in fact referring to the other thread in which you called me a woman haha

if not then dont take it personal, im slow as hell sometimes.
 
^ I am going to help my Zophey be a good boy for a while. He is needed more then he realizes and he needs to be sharp. So yes, I stole it from under his nose, lol. Nah Nah!
 
he deserves it anyways. did you guys really think i was a lady?

apparently im quite effeminate on the internet. (that rhymes heh)


well... almost
 
yea me too, not really worried about it, i do it all the time.

i still havent figured out most of the mods, but the ones who've got gender specific handles
 
i've cut my arms for years to release emotions that i refuse to feel.

but i've recently started taking antidepressants, and benzoadepines for my anxiety, so i haven't cut for a couple weeks.

my arms almost look good, if i do say so myself
 
i tries cutting myself recently, found it was pretty lame, and that there is alot better ways to deal with pain, talk to someone, other than a friend or a parent, sometimes a stranger is better tot alk to about your problems. see a shrink, helps me.
 
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