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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Cutting v. 2

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Thank you so much LW, you really are a true friend.
Your help will never be forgotten <3
*hugs*
 
thanks DFRS:) <3 it's the very least i could have done for n3o:)

hey n3o, i had a hurl out the car window when i was driving back home just before hehehe. i went to the bakery before i saw my friends and the pie didn't sit too well...

i'm happy you're feeling better today:D
 
We are better now. It was a misunderstanding, his stress from work and me making a big deal out of it.

I am trying to get into therapy but with no luck. Missed my p.doc appt the other day because I was high...

I did get a # for "First resources" apparently they can get me out of my parent's house, help me find a job, be able to keep me on my meds, help me with coping....
Sean is VERY MUCH on board with it! He has said a million times that living here is a bad for me. But I'm afraid that I can't make it on my own.
Stop eating all together, fall headfirst into depression, go drug crazy like I did this week. So fucked up I can't function and then off myself..

I have cut more than I have in a long time. I taped one of them closed cuz it was bad. I'll have it covered with a band-aid when Sean comes so he can't SEE it. When I talked to him I told him I did, he said gently that he figured I did... he didn't seem angry or disappointed since we were fighting. But hopefully it will be passed over and won't ruin our Valentine's Day.
 
drug_wench said:
i suggest no shooting at all then - no wonder it hurts if ur using blunt needles
if the tip broke off inside ur vein u cud b one very sick chick
this is esp a danger if u use those diabetic needles
and u dont want to go back to doing something u feel u hav to hide from sean - that wud not b a gd thing!
stay strong pillthrill - i understand needle cravings but i use clean needles evry time and whether paul likes it or not he knows!
i cant tell u not to go there cos that wud b hypocritical but plz try to think of the consequences of wat u cud b doing in using needles
take care, sweetie
Click to expand...

No I didn't go back and I'm not. I hide nothing from Sean. And I'm not because I spent 4 days out of my skull high, and I have to pay for it. I'm detoxing and maybe even w/d-ing I can't hell. No, no no needles. But yeah blunt needles hurt lol. You could tell when they were too blunt because you would have to put SO much force to get it under the skin.
 
n3ophy7e said:
PT, DO NOT DO IT. You need to talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. It's not fair on him if you cut yourself in order to send him a message about how you're feeling inside. You need to give him a chance to know how you're feeling by telling him. He wants you to be happy sweetheart <3
Click to expand...

I didn't. I just told him I didn't him I really didn't know what to do.
He told me that I'm sorry loses its meaning becuase I say it all the time. I said I would work on it. But I also told him that I was told that everything was ALWAYS 100% my fault, with family and relationships. If I didnt' say sorry ALL the time, bad things will happen. I'll work on it, but really its just out of fear. If I'm not sorry enough I'm afraid of what will happen. Will he leave me, ya know.
 
intuition tells me that i am simply inadequate once more
once again
?

i care

it's nice for that to be returned
must i whisper the whimpering fearful voice that hisses words

of insatiable insecurities

"they don't care. i feel cold. i am cold?"

psychosomatic irreversible loss of warmth from the extremities of my body
the head, the hands, the fingers, the feet-
perhaps i just need a jacket.

but

the bite of despair in this cold wind that comes from the dark
gently fades as i near your warmth

sorry if this seems misplaced
i just wanted to put it somewhere. i thought the cutting thread would be fitting because, well, i wrote this after i cut myself
 
I feel like cutting again. But I can't. I can't being called "emo" because of it as well.
 
Cyrus, thanks for sharing your words <3
How are you at the moment? Have you still been cutting?


PT, I have the same attitude at the moment, "I can't and I won't". Stay strong honey <3
 
Just passed my one year anniversary of the last time I cut.

I seriously just haven't been thinking about it for such a long time, I just remembered today it was like 5 weeks ago!!

Feels good; now if I could just stop using...


Good luck to everyone still struggling <3 <3 <3
 
Idk Sean and I were fighting, again. He had a few beer and I said I felt cutting but didn't.
He said he was coping so... do it if I want to.
I said, "no I won't it doesn't help that much and leaves another nasty scar."
He was like, "You just figuring it out."
I have explained it all to him but sometimes he can still be an ass.
 
God i just want to slice my fucking arms open.

I am so fucking sick of everything.

I just want to hurt myself, break my hand again, punch a wall, cut my wrists, fucking anything IM SICK OF EVERYTHING.

And i fucking hate posting here aswell

Fucking cunt thread
 
hayzz I feel you on the hating posting in here thing :(
On the previous page when I had a low moment I felt like such a weak piece of shit for posting my issues in here :(
But we're NOT weak!!
Just because you're feeling low/angry/frustrated doesn't mean you need to take it out on yourself. The feeling will fade. The scars will NOT fade. It's not worth it.
Just hang in there sweetheart <3
 
wats going on hayzzz?
(u dont hav to answer that)
u can PM me if u want to vent about something - im not a cutter but i hav some understanding of why ppl self-harm....and im a gd listener
sometimes someone to listen is all u need...
 
Thankyou for the concern.

I'm okay.

I didn't do anything rash. I want to, but, well, I also hate scars and it's summer atm so i will find another outlet for my anger.

I'm just going to block everything out and focus on what's really important in the next few months, without losing the plot. :)
 
Want to...but won't...

Stay strong, all, but please don't beat yourself up if you do it. ((hugs)) What a fucking cycle this is.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Cyrus, thanks for sharing your words <3
How are you at the moment? Have you still been cutting?


PT, I have the same attitude at the moment, "I can't and I won't". Stay strong honey <3
Click to expand...

ah. i wrote that for my ladyfriend after i had made 9 gashes on my left leg and 9 on my right. i didn't feel it. but she saw it- two days ago when i was changing my pants and i was confronted about it. needless to say the confrontation made me cry but opened up opportunity for communication (normally i'm very introverted. it's odd, i am more inclined to tell complete strangers these things rather than the people i am closest too. what fear is this?) and things have gotten better and less turbulent for me internally. i haven't cut since then however.

now i feel alright, but i think more distress might come today because my girlfriend feels obliged to hang out with her ex. and her ex was abusive, yet somehow still feels like he needs her and tries to command her (and verbally abuse her) as if they were still dating. i'm understanding of her reasons to see him but i'm not trusting of her ex, and if he even raises his voice at her or a hand... ugh. it makes me absolutely sick.

she still wants to be friends with him? :!:!:!:!:!:!:!

my girl is completely against violence of any sort and thinks that it isn't justifiable in any sense and says she'd leave me if i ever fought over her- but trying to talk things out with this man would be like trying to talk to a brickwall. well, a brick wall would at least have a slight echo from the sound waves hitting the surface. it's so befuddling and restricting to me. i want to beat the shit out of this kid for what he has done to her and i, for what he has done to so many others; and even though i want to, i'm much more inclined towards keeping our relationship intact. i think she's right sometimes, violence is unnecessary, but i know if i were to confront him and try to talk to him about things he'd just try his hardest to provoke me into fighting him (and subsequently... well, yeah.)

so i don't want to fight anyone else. i'll just take that shit out on myself. before i started cutting i would go outside and start fights with people just to get my ass beat. sometimes they wouldn't be successful either and then well at least i got some pain put into my body. this is usually only when i feel that despair- normally i can manage my stress by working out or writing... but sometimes it just doesn't cut it
 
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