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Cutting v. 2

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^ Yeah I'm the same way. I've stopped for awhile now and I can't go back. I can't hide it anymore and I could have some serious consquences for it really. I don't think its ever anything you totally overcome. Just seconds ago I was thinking about something that was upsetting me and I saw the image of me cutting in my head, thats about as close as I usually let myself get.
I don't know about cutters ending up together, but I do know its far more common than a lot of people think. (Before this emo fad crap thats its cool or whatever the hell) It certianly makes me wonder what happened to my generation and a little younger that caused this. I'm not saying that it never happened before then, but the rates now are just alarming.
 
Pillthrill said:
I don't think its ever anything you totally overcome.
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I think you're right PT. One might stop doing it, but do the thoughts or the inclinations ever stop??

Pillthrill said:
It certainly makes me wonder what happened to my generation and a little younger that caused this. I'm not saying that it never happened before then, but the rates now are just alarming.
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I have definitely noticed this too PT. Along with the rates of drug use and abuse, and alcoholism etc etc. Today's society just seems to not be able to use the "conventional" coping methods that past generations have gotten by with. Mental illness is also (slowly) becoming more recognised and respected, so people might not be as inhibited to show physical signs of inner problems...if that makes sense?
 
i think along with any addiction it creates some sort of obsession.... im certainly not addicted to any of the substances i take relationally, but i still feel the obsession. you will probably feel the obsession for a very long time....

i hate the way my scars look, they make me feel tainted.... but also powerful, i feel like i can overcome anything!!
 
pearly.bubble said:
i think along with any addiction it creates some sort of obsession.... im certainly not addicted to any of the substances i take relationally, but i still feel the obsession. you will probably feel the obsession for a very long time....

i hate the way my scars look, they make me feel tainted.... but also powerful, i feel like i can overcome anything!!
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I know exactly what you mean about it being an obsession. I have a very addictive personality when it comes to behaviours and routines etc (as opposed to actual substances, except alcohol, I'm well and truly addicted to that!) so for me (and a lot of other people I presume) the cutting became very addictive very quickly. Incorporate that with the endorphins it releases, and there you have it, addicted.

Personally, I love my scars. I have a bit of a thing for scars though, they kinda turn me on. But I can understand how seeing them would remind you of how strong you can be to overcome your problems!
 
n3ophy7e said:
Personally, I love my scars. I have a bit of a thing for scars though, they kinda turn me on.
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Scars are hot, I'm gonna miss mine when they fade. But I think moving on's a good thing. You have to be your own guardian angel, thats the best thing you can do for yourself in that situation.
 
So I have a question.....have any of you actually cut yourselves to where its been near fatal?
 
^ thats a crazy question.......I am not sure about some of you. One of my first cuts nearly was, but thank God. I have a wonderful sister. She was able to find me in time. Ironic, huh? Everything happens for a reason.....but what.....ever wonder?
 
soul scientist said:
nope, thankfully.

The scars on my arms and legs have faded pretty well and I haven't injured myself in over a month... unfortunately my last stint involved put out a cigarette all the way on my wrist. While the skin has grown back it's an ugly shade of bright pink (very noticeable on brown skin) I have no idea if it will ever change into a normal color or if there are any ointments/creams/etc that can help it fade. even some sort of concealer for the short term.

I'm just thankful for the weather change. It was embarrassing to always wear a copper bangle that left green marks on my skin or a hoodie on a 90 degree day. i still feel like a fool for that burn :(
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In Australia there's a cream called Ungvita that's great for healing scarred skin and preventing scar tissue from forming as much. I'm not sure if you have it where you live? Have a look though, it's good stuff.

As for me, no, none of my self-harm acts have been life-threatening. I don't ever have the intention of dying when I cut etc.

I cut myself last night though. I don't know why. I was really drunk and I'm so fucking sick of drinking. I haven't started my naltrexone yet because I'm waiting for the September party season to be over. But I think I should just bloody start it now anyway.
 
OpInation said:
So I have a question.....have any of you actually cut yourselves to where its been near fatal?
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Nope, I've always been "chicken shit". Actually strangely it is kinda a source of shame, I mean what kind of cutter am I that I've never had stiches. Maybe a couple would have scarred less if I had some sort of medical attention. But that isn't to say I haven't had my other nearly fatal incidents.
 
OpInation said:
So I have a question.....have any of you actually cut yourselves to where its been near fatal?
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Yes I've cut to the point of near death...

*Triggering Graphic SI Images*

sorry hannah, but we cant have images like that in here, please, no triggering images.
<3

So yea those are just some examples...:p
 
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Pillthrill said:
I don't know about those images. Even with NSFW. We will see what the mods think.
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PIP has removed the images as they may be triggers for those who cut or are thinking of cutting, and he is right to have done so.

I request respectfully that graphic images of self-harm not be posted even under tags.

Please, everyone, be kind to yourselves, and know that while wounds heal and pain goes away, cutting is an extremely hazardous activity. My hope is that you will find a coping mechanism that will not further break your heart.
 
Okay, it would appear that I've fallen in to a bit of a rutt lately...

I've stopped eating (for nearly 3 weeks) but that's a different story.

I've also started drinking every night again, to the point of passing out. That is also a different story.

The relevant point is that I've cut myself the last 2 nights in a row. Tonight I did it twice.

I feel like such a hypocrite because I've given others support and advice in the TDS threads, then I go and relapse in this fashion.

Now it's my turn to ask for advice...

How did you stop yourself from doing it? Like, what were the things you said to yourself in your head? I seem to have no control of my own actions at the moment...
 
^ Wish I had the anwer. For me, its just 100% I just can't. For now its working.

Although, I woke up this morning, morning came too early again and I'm having trouble sleeping which makes me so frustrated and always tired. As soon as I woke up, for the above reasons I just wanted to cut the hell out of my arm. Really, what the freaking hell is wrong with me that because of something as stupid as that my first inclination was just to go off the deep end. I'm starting to think I'm more fucked up than I even thought I was...
 
Pillthrill said:
^ Wish I had the answer. For me, its just 100% I just can't. For now its working.

Although, I woke up this morning, morning came too early again and I'm having trouble sleeping which makes me so frustrated and always tired. As soon as I woke up, for the above reasons I just wanted to cut the hell out of my arm. Really, what the freaking hell is wrong with me that because of something as stupid as that my first inclination was just to go off the deep end. I'm starting to think I'm more fucked up than I even thought I was...
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No, you are NOT more fucked up than you thought. But sometimes, despite the past, your thoughts and thought-patterns can still be very confronting. Especially if you've been managing them for a solid period of time.

I have also been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. So maybe that's contributing to my inability to cope with every-day life...
 
Well its not going to get any better. My boss has no consideration for my schedule at this point.
I can't seem to shake it. I think about it all the time...even when I'm at the daycare. My wrist just seems to ache to be cut....:( I don't know how much longer I can not do it.
 
You have to believe it will get better PT. You've been doing so well, just keep reminding yourself of how strong you are.
 
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