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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

cutters - you are not alone. (merged)

i agree that most people cut for themselves not attention seeking. you wouldnt know a real cutter, because theyd never let it show. noone knows i cut.
 
*hugs all*

I've pretty much stopped cutting, I'll have lapses maybe every 3 months. It's probably a good thing, I've basically stopped because I don't have so much rage in me anymore, I don't hate myself violently anymore. When I hate myself these days it's only with a half-hearted sense of hopelessness... At least my scars have started fading, though I'm not sure if I'd have the guts to wear short-sleeved tops around people I didn't know too well...
 
I never really understood the appeal in self injury until I actually did it. I don't really ever do anything serious, pretty small, shallow, cuts on my leg a few inches above my knee. I'm really not entirely sure why I do it, but I know it helps. I think a lot of it is the catharsis. I read that some people do it to verify their emotional or mental pain, to show that it's actually real, and I guess I identify with that the most. Sometimes it does worry me that I might get carried away and fuck myself up really badly, though. Also the whole addiction aspect is probably the worst. I haven't been doing it for too long and when I did it was rare, but lately it's been like once a week, which is more than I really think I should do it.
 
I made a rude comment here. "does anyone use garden sheers to cut themself, well sometimes i tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree". i am sorry and ashamed at my comment, since then i have grown up a bit. if there is anything i can do do help anyone here, i am a very good listener my msn is [email protected] or send me a pm.
 
I've been cutting since I was about 5, I came from a very abusive family (both verbal and physical), I found a razor when I was little and put nearly 20 pretty deep cuts on my body. I really don't remember much of this though, most of my childhood is a blur (crackhead dad beating the shit out of me everyday). Im 18 now and I usually end up cutting at least once a day before school and work, sometimes I do it once at night as well. I normally cut my chest, legs, and occasionally delt region. I used to use my forarms but got tired of questioning where I got the cuts (No one except the people reading this will ever find out I gaurantee it) so I switched to less noticable (and more painful) regions.
If you ever met me in person you wouldn't have a fucking clue I do this, most people will tell you that I smile to much and am always happy.
 
A friend of mine has woke up twice within the same week with new cuts on her arms and stomach. Well, I guess they're more like scratches but they're obviously self-inflicted. She always tells me she doesn't remember where she gets her scratches and switches the subject quickly.

I worry because I know how awful of a place she must be in. I've openly spoke to her about my cutting, and have been assured that she doesn't have a history of it.

Anyway, my question is, is it possible to be an unconscious cutter? Or do you think she just cuts when she's completely inebriated?
 
AmorRoark said:
Anyway, my question is, is it possible to be an unconscious cutter? Or do you think she just cuts when she's completely inebriated?
Click to expand...

as of late, i tend to want to cut the most when i am really drunk. maybe she is the same way? for me, i can control my emotions and such while sober very well. but as i begin to get drunk, the front i put up begins to crumble and the depression creeps in. its not the alcohol persay, because i feel this way normally, i just suppress it. the alcohol brings it out :\

i don't know about unconsciously scratching yourself. i suppose it is possible, while she is dreaming or something. people can hit and sleepwalk and talk whilst asleep. i'll have to see if i can ind anything about that because its an interesting concept.
 
I've done it a couple of times. Minor scratches but Always When I'm Drunk. It's in there but I don't like to let it come out. And I don't usually feel the urge except when I'm drunk and with my husband who I don't have a very good relationship with.


For me I think it is plain and simple self hate.

It's sad. It makes me sad that I hurt myself. Isn't that depressing to you guys? Self inflicted wounds? What happened to us that made us want to hurt ourselves so much? (Rhetorical question I guess.)
 
Yeah, I've gotten myself pretty heavily back into it again recently. All because of such little things.
Wish I didn't need a vice to fill my life all the time. :(
 
crippled on my bathroom floor
dropping sharp objects
watching as they bounce
off of my dirty, tiled floor

and I lay there in my emptiness
curled up, young and beautiful
dripping, dripping, dripping
I wish I could catch each
drip and put it back inside of me
so I could cry it out instead

but it doesn’t work that way
at least not inside this head
 
I quit one time after the razor slipped and this one cut bled for 3 days, it obviously wasn't gushing the whole time, but it was too deep, like the skin had spread too far to close up. All of a sudden I was like, what am i doing!? I don't want all these scars! I don't need all these scars! I don't deserve all these scars! and I quit, and got vitamin E

Here's my point:

VITAMIN E

its awesome for scars, you can take vitamin pills, but its best to just spread liquid on at night, its really thick and gel like, and sticky! so if you put in on your arms, like sleep with a long sleeve shirt and just stick the sleeves to your sticky arms, cus you don't want that mess in your bed! But it works amazingly well!!

I can still see that scar, but it went from angry purple/red and raised and just got lighter and flatter, and is now just white and flat and not very noticeable.

You can get it at the drug store, its enexpensive, it works wonders. You have to use it regularly, but you will see results soon! good luck, much luv!
 
it may have already been posted but http://www.recoveryourlife.com is a very good place for ppl who self-injure...i started a topic awhile back about my SI and someone reffered me to here. *warning* there is alot of triggering material...and sometimes everyone whos posting seems like they've all run out of hope of stopping....just browse lightly is all.
 
I used to cut myself a lot for about two years. A friend helped to pull me out though. Taught me a lot about the world outside of my own pain and helped me gain an appreciation and forgiveness for my life. Something I never really had. I have scars that will never go away, but I don't hide them anymore. I cut myself about two months ago and before that it had been about 3.5 years. I still break down, I have just had to teach myself to spill out my tension in different ways. You just have to.

<3
 
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