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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

cutters - you are not alone. (merged)

^^^^ i agree completely, guineyPig. i have somehow managed to hide my self harm dependency for over a decade from the people that were close to me. One reason: i don't want to worry them. second reason: i don't want to discuss it with them, and go through the shame of discussing it with them.
 
I've cut myself sometimes on opiates -- mostly because it's so interesting to do so and experience no pain from it.
 
digging and searching for the bone with tweezers is as illogical as the worlds mysterious ways.

so who decides whats the "right" way to escape and "deal"?

gr8 thread, its amazing to read so many personal stories.

i cant rid myself from the creeping feeling i had as an 8 year old.. "the destructive act is nothing compared to its initial, insane thought"

i truly believed i was ALONE with a mind bursting and a heart racing, as anything sharp glinted in a tempting way.

never be arrogant enough to believe you are the only one. you never are.

excuse my ramblings, im on a mind-stimulating overload, with dozens of web pages open and questioning.

good mornin'
 
Back to the drawing board

Until last night it had been about 14 months since the last time I cut myself, and now I'm back to wearing long sleeves. Just like that. :(

I'm full of so much anger and violence lately...and the fucked up part is, I don't even really know what I'm angry at. I just want to hurt the world, and I want to hurt myself. I don't know...I guess this is kind of pointless, but I wanted to write it down somewhere I guess. I'm pissed off at myself, and a bit concerned.

Anyway...we'll see what happens I guess. if nothing else I get a lot of art done when I get like this... :\ :(
 
until the other week it was something like 3 or 4 months til I'd last cut. And then I got on a booze and painkiller fuelled rant with my mother and ended up hacking two great big bits out of my arm. Well, big enough.

It hurts and I don't usually mind people seeing scars, but the cuts....so I've been hiding it with a suit jacket. Stylish.

And I was doing so well X_X
 
guest said:
Say it was your cat. Don't hide the scars of anguish.
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I have been having this problem with scars recently too. I lifeguard and most of the time people end up asking where I got my scars. I always find myself saying a cat attack. I feel really dumb saying it.. and I think they know I'm lying. But, I don't know what else to say without telling them the truth.

I would just go by the truth but every time I've told someone close to me the truth about my cutting they either get freaked out or try to cover up the fact that they're freaked out.

It's this fear that keeps me from doing it as much anymore. I've tried to reason in my mind that the cutting relief isn't worth the looks and the dissapointment of my friends and family (in particular my mother:().
 
i want to stop.... well thats what i tell myself anyway, i know i dont want to...

its the only way my heart stops aching, its the only way i can calm myself down.

i hate myself for it when my friends see, i do it on the top of my arms... so i never wear singlets.
when my friends do see, its an accident, like my tshirt sleeve flew up or was moved or something.

i look the next day at the damage, im not proud, but i smile. it makes me feel good that i dont have to resort to drugs to be content with myself and all my problems.
i have gone too hard at times and scared myself.

the last time i cut was last night, i wanted to go the full way and really end it... but this was the better option. its kinda as though cutting saves my life. as i have said before, cutting is the closest to suicide i can get without dying. its my own secret, personal, satisfaction. my own way out of the world for that split second.

it doesnt hurt. it feels amazing for me, it sends tingles all over me. it relaxes me.

some people go shopping to deal with their problems........ i cut.
 
guest said:
Sometimes I cut my penis when I get depressed. Unfortunately, I managed to half-circumcise myself last night, after I got incredibly depressed about my girlfriend leaving me. I feel devestated.
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You're sick and twisted.

guest said:
People who cut themselves are attention seekers. It's such an overt way of showing your pain, come on...
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You've obviously never been there yourself have you! People cut to calm their pain, to make themselves feel better, for whatever reason, but not all are attention seekers. Leave these poor people alone if you are going to accuse them of being attention seekers. It takes a lot of fuckin courage to admit you cut urself!

codez_raver said:
Removed for personal reasons
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What the..?




My temptation to cut/burn lately is getting harder and harder to resist..
 
Oh and about getting rid of scars, there are some sorts of cream that you can get at the chemist/pharmacy. I have never used it but am looking for one now. Will let you know if it's any good ;)

xxx
 
^^^i wouldn't waste your money. i haven't found anything but time to get rid of scars :\
 
^^Shit yeah!

I got this stuff yesterday that is meant to help fade away your scars and stretch marks, ageing skin, uneven skin tone and dehydrated skin. It's called Bio-Oil, not sure if it'll work.

animal_cookie, it gives me an excuse to shop ;)
 
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