cutters - you are not alone. (merged)

to go with the topic of how to get the marks not to show...


im flat friggin broke so i need a job. most of the places here that i could get hired quickly at (resteraunts... hardware stores...etc etc etc) require you to wear a uniform with short sleaves so......

i can always take my cutting to a different spot, but how can i get rid of the scars that are already there? any ideas???????
 
^ Scars are scars, they remain there forever....
I dunno, you could try tatoos??
Or plastic surgery...
 
why does pain have to feel so fucking good?

why does dragging something sharp (even if doesnt cut) across my skin feel so good?

why does digging into cuts feel so fucking good?
 
I cut sometimes when I just can't handle a whirlwind of emotions. The emotions are torturing me and the only way out for me is to cut. After I feel better, seeing the blood and all. But, the next day, when I wake up and see the scar I feel so ashamed of myself and hide it from everyone. I'm trying to find better ways to cope when my emotions take over - I can't even identify these feelings. They just put me in a trance-like state and I have to cut. I really want to stop. And I am seeing a therapist about it. So, I hope others will understand what it's like and if they cut, please get some help to stop.
 
Don't know how much I can say that hasn't already been said, I agree with those people who say that they do it for the rush or so they can focus on pain in a particular place and maybe control it.

For me it was about two things: firstly, I'm absolutely terrified of boredom. I can't handle it at all. I'd literally rather be in pain than feel nothing. At least you know you're alive. In this strange suburban world I so often can't tell. It also gives you a lot of perspective on your problems, makes everything else easier to deal with.

Secondly, I am, by nature, a risk taker. I love adrenalin and all the other chemicals that go with it. If I don't do things that provide me that rush I end up getting some sort of guy pms and doing stupid, stupid shit (like trying to rally my front wheel drive car in the rain while drunk) that really is so much worse. I don't do things like this deliberately, I just lose control. Better to confront and deal with these feelings than to end up wrapped around a telegraph pole, or worse, another car.

Not that I'm in any way advocating cutting. I look at the scars on my arms and every day wish I'd learnt earlier how to deal with these things. Cutting is an immature (immature as in "not developed", not "childish") way to deal with issues and is only a temporary solution anyway. For those of you who want to stop I'd reccomend looking at exactly why you do it and finding some other way to get the same effect. For me sports like snowboarding and downhill mountain biking provide similar feelings (though admittedly still coming with great risk) but also provide a sense of achievement. These are things that I can escape to but that I can also be proud of when I push myself harder/higher/faster.

I must admit that if I get too drunk I still occaisionally wake up with burns and bloody limbs but I'm a shitload better since I learned to divert these emotions elsewhere.

^^ "I cut sometimes when I just can't handle a whirlwind of emotions." I've never felt more clear than when doing 60km/h down a bush track. Even e doesn't provide me that sort purity or connection with the things around me. I always feel calmer and more able to face anything another person can throw at me after this sort of experience.

Good luck everyone.
 
animal_cookie said:
bearing in mind i attend college in the middle of nowhere and can't go to a dermatologist, does anyone have any suggestions? i was thinking a little of that green cover up stuff for acne and foundation perhaps? could i mix a foundation that matches my skin tone with a liquid bandaid? does tanning help?

Just make sure it's healed so it wont get infected hon. I always used a thick white facial highlighter followed by a foundation to hide cuts. Sometimes clinique consealer and foundation stick (city? stick or something). But seeing as how yours are burns, If it all isn't semi healed it could end up looking pretty nasty.
 
Ecstacy and Cutting

Can anybody relate to this:

Towards the end of my honeymoon with E, I became somewhat depressed. It was around this time that i started cutting... After a night out rolling, i had an especially hard comedown. Perhaps it was a particularly rough comedown due to the fact that my roll turned bad when a girl whom i was close to, and liked a lot started making out with this other guy, in front of me. I was filled with jelousy. As the E wore off i became more and more emotional, and without even thinking about it, i had begun digging into my arm with my key, drawing blood. One of my friends saw this and flipped out, and made me stop.
This was my first experience with cutting.... over a year ago, and i still cut to this day. (although very rarely now) Perhaps there is a link between SI and Low Seritonin levels?
 
sigh. just slipped for the third time in two days. two days ago was the first time in two years upon gettig close with my best friend. dunno what to do, im afraid of losing contrl again.
 
thanks for the reply mini sari :) a little bit of make-up worked just fine. the burns were old and just scars showing. but i was in a mock wedding party for my friend's, parent's 50th anniversary. i didn't want my scars to taint an otherwise perfect evening celebrating love.

i think quitting is extremely hard, just like quitting anything that is addicting. prior to burning myself, i hadn't cut in over a year. and prior to that, it had been two years. its just so easy to fall back on what you know when your life is going out of control.

and i find it harder to beat cutting (vs other addictions) because most people do not have others to talk to when they feel the urge to cut. alcoholics and recovering drug addicts have a network of people who they can call for help usually. this board, along with a few other sites linked somewhere in this thread, are the only places i can turn.

and feel free to PM and ask for my screen name if you ever need something a bit more personal than a message board to talk to :)
 
Cutting is said to be a form of getting attention. This is untrue. Cutters cut because there is something inside that is tormenting them and they need to put their pain into something visible and tangible.
 
Gotta do something when you're quitting drugs right? Something that blunts all the pain, just for a moment brings some peace. I wish I had some heroin, but my own endorphins will do in a pinch.

It makes me wonder if all I ever did with drugs is run away from my first addiction. I don't think I ever learned proper coping skills at all - at least this way I'm not turning it all into the churning ball of pain and anger I've had the past week.
 
Ahhh, cutting. Man I haven't stopped doing that shit for more than four years. Lately I've been turning to cigarettes, though, b/c it's socially acceptable and I can wear short sleeves. Also, it's not so scary. Too bad about the health hazards, but every coping method has its down side eh? Blah.
 
Enlightened said:
Cutting is said to be a form of getting attention. This is untrue. Cutters cut because there is something inside that is tormenting them and they need to put their pain into something visible and tangible.

I'm sure that for some people it is not a form of attention-seeking, but for others I'm pretty sure it is.
 
Bad_Boy_Blue said:
I'm sure that for some people it is not a form of attention-seeking, but for others I'm pretty sure it is.

I'm sure for some it is
& I guesss if cuttin'
you might need the attention...
 
interesting article in today's guardian about SI:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,3604,1272404,00.html



The new guidelines on how to treat self-harmers will do little to increase public understanding

Nick Johnstone
Friday July 30, 2004
The Guardian

One evening when I was 19, I deliberately cut my arms with a razor blade. I didn't know it then, but this was to be the first of many acts of self-harm. A report published this week to much fanfare by the National Institute for Clinical Excellence (Nice) aims to set new clinical guidelines for NHS treatment of "intentional self-harm" by healthcare professionals such as GPs, social workers and psychiatrists. But, from the perspective of a recovered self-harmer, the guidelines are hopelessly off the mark.
Take this, the first one: "People who have self-harmed should be treated with the same care, respect and privacy as any patient." The language used contradicts the goals of the report, implying that self-harmers are somehow not like other patients and therefore not entitled to the same standards of treatment.

The report, which was researched by Nice in association with the National Collaborating Centre For Mental Health (which included input from the British Psychological Society, the Royal College of Psychiatrists, Mind and Manic Depression Fellowship), does draw attention to the often insensitive treatment self-harmers receive at accident and emergency units, but fails to take into account the opinions of those seeking treatment.

Most self-harmers would do anything to avoid seeking medical attention. In the four years that I regularly cut myself, I always had a tube of Savlon and a pack of Band-Aids to hand. A surf around self-harm websites will tell you that this kind of meticulous self-doctoring is common practice. Safeguarding against infection is also a way of avoiding healthcare professionals. During my battle with self-harm, I never sought out medical treatment nor did I broach the subject with the GPs and counsellors treating me for depression. Like most self-harmers, I kept my practice secretive and private.

Although Nice estimate that 170,000 people seek medical attention at A&E in Britain each year, they do not attempt to put a figure to the vast majority who never seek out medical attention. As a result, the impression given to healthcare professionals and the public is that all acts of self-harm require hospital treatment. This kind of sensationalistic sloppiness reinforces stereotypes of self-harmers as dangerous, out of control, crazy.

Granted, a small minority do inflict severe self-injury but most, the majority who are ignored by these new guidelines, cut, burn, scratch or pull their hair: minor acts of self-injurious behaviour that do not require medical attention.

In most cases, self-harm is an act of self-preservation, a way to cope with overwhelming mental pain. It is not an act of self-destruction, attention-seeking or time-wasting. The report, while acknowledging that self-harmers require "immediate psychiatric assessment", does not state the obvious, which is that self-harm is a morbid behaviour typical of depressive illness and other psychiatric disorders. As one disclaimer conveniently concedes, the report "does not seek to explain self-harm". With that approach, quite how NHS workers are going to overcome the widespread misin formation and ignorance surrounding the subject is anyone's guess.

Rash connections are made between self-harm and suicide. The report states: "Those who have self-harmed are 100 times more likely... to die by suicide in the subsequent year. One half of the 4,000 people who die by suicide each year will have self-harmed at some time in the past." This is rather like saying that smoking pot will eventually lead to crack addiction. If there is one stereotype that all self-harmers despise, it is that self-harm is a half-hearted suicide attempt.

The report misses the fundamental truth of self-harm: people do it to feel better, the injury triggering a release of endorphins, bringing a much-needed "high" in the midst of depression or other mental illness.

Another guideline that shows this report was composed by those treating, not those being treated, states: "Include family or friends if the service user wants their support during assessment and treatment." Considering most self-harmers live in terror of their family discovering their habit, this is bizarre. I only found the strength to tell my family eight years after I stopped. I doubt very much that self-harmers who find themselves in A&E will want their family present. But Nice seem to think that they would. So now it'll be standard practice to suggest it.

But the most absurd part of the report is the accompanying "Information for the Public" which tells a self-harmer what to expect when she or he seeks medical treatment. Apparently, if you feel the guidelines haven't been followed, you should: "Discuss your concerns with your GP or other healthcare professionals involved in your care." Considering most acts of self-harm are accompanied by a dissociative state - another glaring omission from this report - and resulting from acute mental distress, it's unlikely that any self-harmer will be remotely interested in citing the Nice report and crying "foul treatment".

· Nick Johnstone writes Blue notes, a fortnightly G2 column about living with depression

www.nickjohnstone.com
 
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