Crystal "my girlfriend"

[Slappow1]

Hello this is my first post. I am addicted to speed "meth" always hated that word . I'm from a small town in the u.s.
I started using at 15 weed,powder,hard,alcohol ,& speed. Eventually just weed and my life partner crystal. See I'm 31 so I've used speed longer than life without it.16 years seems unreal but its brought on many many traumatic experiences . Most my friends are dead or in prison .
I started smoking then snorting & eating it at 24 started regular I.v use.
I'm tired of speed in my life it is a horrible drug . But I don't remember how sober feels. How or can I stop using and have emotions or will I remain angry and reclusive .
I have no insurance and I'll need inpatient treatment are there state or national funded programs?
I live in tn.
I guess I'm just looking for feedback from a longterm meth user that has beat the odds and is now 1+ yrs sober. How did you deal with the longterm psychological damage? How did you begin your sobriety ?
I've seen many stop for a day,a week, or month always to relapse. Thank you for any info.

 

[zyrow]

Sounds like it's time for you to slay the dragon my friend. The dragon being your meth habit. It's only a symptom of something bigger, as much as you think you love Crystal.

Firstly, the Sober Living community here should offer great advice and support to get you started on a path to a better life.

Secondly, buy these books ASAP, read them thoroughly. They are written from a very wise doctor at Harvard University. His views oppose the 12 steps, not that anything is wrong with the 12 steps, but honestly going to those meetings makes me want to use even more. So start on your path to sobriety by reading these books well: Breaking Addiction & The Heart of Addiction. Also I would advise reading this before deciding on what rehab you go to : The Sober Truth


A tribute song to you my friend, may you slay this dragon! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdoLE2MDEvY

Impellitteri - "Slay the Dragon"

You've got ashes on the tip of your finger
You've got secrets in the back of your mind
You've been searching for the meaning of evil
'Cause you're attracted to the darkness of life
You've been playing with the words of a liar
And you're tired of the war that you rage
You've been hanging on the edge of the fire
And your pride has got you locked in a cage

You, you got to find the peace of mind that you've been looking' for
You, you got to fight to have the life that you've been searching' for

(You gotta' slay the dragon, You gotta' kill the beast)
(You gotta' slay the dragon, You gotta' kill the beast)

Running' through the night trying' to feel alright and it's time you want to burn
Carry all the weight of your love and hate, will the tables ever turn?
Running' down the road with a heavy load, trying' to leave the world behind
Listen to the voice 'cause you have a choice and it's time to draw the line

When you've reached the end of the road
And you find a hole in your soul
I believe it's time to slay the beast

You're still counting on the change of the seasons
You've been waiting for the passage of time
While your loneliness has taken you hostage
You've been hiding in a circle of lies

You, you got to find the peace of mind that you've been looking' for
You, you got to fight to have the life that you've been searching' for

(You gotta' slay the dragon, You gotta' kill the beast)
(You gotta' slay the dragon, You gotta' kill the beast)

Running' through the night trying' to feel alright and this time you want to burn
Carry all the weight of your love and hate, will the tables ever turn?
Running' down the road with a heavy load, trying' to leave the world behind
Listen to the voice 'cause you have a choice and it's time to draw the line

When you've reached the end of the road
And you find a hole in your soul
I believe it's time to slay the beast

You've got ashes on the tips of your fingers
You've got secrets in the back of your mind
You've been searching for the meaning of evil
'Cause you're attracted to the darkness of life
You've been playing with the words of a liar
And you're tired of the war that you rage
You've been hanging on the edge of desire
And your pride has got you locked in a cage

You gotta' slay the dragon
You gotta' kill the beast
You gotta' slay the dragon
You gotta' kill the beast

 

[dankplantgrower]

What state are you in and what county? Id call some inpatient detox facilities in your area and ask them if "county paid beds" are a thing and if not, are there state or federally funded programs that could assist in placement? Here in California, San Bernardino County, many rehab facilities set aside a certain % of beds that are paid for by the county. Patients who pay full price in cash or otherwise have priority, but countless numbers of poor people have gone through those doors without a dime out of pocket.

The rundown both times I went to inpatient rehab. First I called in and asked for a county bed. You will be scheduled for a phone interview when a rep will call you asking about drug history, medication you may be taking, past hospitalizations, and any allergies to common medication. After the phone interview, you are put on a list behind other addicts who have been waiting in line like you. I was to call in every single morning, state my name, and ask for "bed credit." After you do this enough days, and have more bed credits than either the people behind you, or ahead of you who havent called in daily. You will be called in and asked to report to the rehab facility with 7 days worth of clothes. Sadly, it was 4-6 weeks wait because of the sheer amount of addicts in my area. You may have it better in your area though. And the wait may damn well be worth it.


There is likely to be a lot of psychological damage you will not be able to reverse after a lifetime of meth use. Thats just how it is with this drug. I have permanent paranoia issues and occasionally hear things Im sure arent there from meth, even when Im clean from meth for substantial amounts of time. However, your mental condition will certainly improve at least some once you quit this shit. The one thing you must know is, rehab WONT work for you unless youre 100% 100% 100% ready to give the shit up. And with that said, if youre 100% ready to give meth up, you can do it without rehab if you really put your mind to it. If you think you need it tough Im certainly not discouraging you. You will learn a lot of coping skills in there. This is not only me experience but Ive heard from dozens of other addicts as well. Good luck. Crystal is such a bitch

 

[jaishivaya]

Hey buddy. I've have the same problem. My friend is addicted and can't get out. Atleast you admit to your addiction and you are aware that changes need to be made. You're headed toward the right direction.

Instead of I.V. or using meth, stop and just use coke. Slow yourself down with the usage and switch to binging style. If you binge once a month or once every two months you can get yourself out of the daily routine. Stop the daily routine. The daily routine is what kills you. When I used meth I thought coke was a joke because it was so weak and the addiction feeling was weaker than meth. I thought this was a good thing. You've experienced the hardest most addicting drug out there. Switching to something easier and more expensive will help you deter your usage of uppers. They call meth "shit" for a reason you know cause it makes you feel shitty. I think just as long as you stop uppers you'd be good. Start smoking some bud and love the cannabis. This helped me quit. You can also eat some mushrooms like 2~3 grams of this stuff will help you get to an elevated state of awareness make make you realize the err in your ways of thinking.

First step is awareness. Become aware of yourself. Your mind. What you think. Who you are. How you act. Why you do it. What makes you do it. Where is the energy coming from.
Second step is watch yourself. Watch yourself feel when you do it. How do you feel when you do it. Focus on how you feel every step of the way. Keep note of your reactions, your body, your mind.
Third step as you stop using it. Watch yourself. How do you feel. Channel that energy onto something else like smoking cigarettes. Be aware of urges. Watch how the urges change how you feel and how you think.

Don't just mindlessly take drugs. Don't let the addiction take control over you. Take control of your addiction by becoming aware of it's existence. Change comes from within. Only you can make yourself change. No one else can.

These are simple meditation techniques of the Bodhisattva.

Switch your daily routine into something like smoking pot and drinking. Get rid of all your friends who do meth. You will not be able to quit if your friends also do meth. This may mean you may need to move to a different city to start fresh. Meth is a bad drug. Remember that. I say OK to all drugs, even coke, but Meth is on a different scale. I even think heroine is OK, but I also think good weed is stronger than heroine. So switch to organics. Eat some mushrooms. Get enlightened and move on. Smoke lots of bud. Bud won't ruin your life, but meth will.

Take this feeling of wanting to quit and run with it. Don't stop. Now is your chance to quit. Now is your chance to move on.
Find meaning in your life. Find purpose. What helped me was making my life long goal to help people, serve people, worship people.

I wish the best of luck with you and I hope you make the right decision on moving forward with your life.

Om Shakti Om

 

[phactor]

^^^

Using more drugs doesn't often solve an addicts issues. Frankly, we tend to substitue one addiction for the other. Addiction is addiction, and can manifest in many ways and behaviors. Nothing personal, but your suggestion could be dangerous.


OP:

Don't be afraid to Try NA

http://www.na.org/

CMA

http://www.crystalmeth.org/

AA also works

There is also SMART (but there are not many Face to Face meetings)

Contact your state's social service agencies. It might help if you let us know what state you reside in. Its good you realize you need inpatient. Getting clean is a ton of work and for me, I have to be willing to go to any lengths. Occasionally I will want to use or crave something, but its pretty fleeting.

 

[xburtonchic]

@jaishivaya - As a heroin addict of 3 yrs attempting to get clean, I would like to respectfully disagree with you when you say that heroin is "okay". I'm willing to bet you haven't come into close contact with heroin addiction, up close and personal. Heroin is just as hard a drug and just as addictive as meth, but with a legitimate physical component added on as a cosmic joke of some sort. Heroin is not "okay", I'm sorry but I just can't not say anything when you just essentially told the OP that it's okay for him to do literally any other drug - they're all okay, just not meth. If the OP took your advice to heart, and started taking a substance that is equally as addictive or worse in order to fight their meth addiction, they would very likely find themselves with a brand new addiction to deal with. I'm sorry if this comes off as condescending or anything, I don't mean it to, but I mean harm reduction is the idea here and I feel like that part of your post could potentially do a lot more harm than good. That being said, you had a lot of valuable advice in your post... awareness and mindfulness and all that are HUGE tools in my recovery and I can't say enough about how important they are when trying to get clean

Anyway OP, like other people have told you, you should def gather state/county resources and see if there are any beds you can get into. I suggest finding a rehab facility with a detox period attached to it. I don't think you'll need a full on detox, but I also think it's important to let your body recover fully before jumping into a program. Nothing you do is going to be effective or sink in the way it needs to while you're crashing. Or, if you're able to, take a few days for yourself to crash before you check in. That's my suggestion. Good luck!!

 

[jaishivaya]

^^^ Thanks Xburtonchic. You're absolutely right. Thanks for posting in and giving additional advice. Heroin is just as bad and addicting. I always thought strong weed was stronger than heroin. I guess my point was to stay away from addicting substances like cigarettes, uppers, and other hard drugs. Weed is less likely to get addicted to, but you don't have the strong withdrawals you get from H.

My recommendation to quitting anything is getting off the daily habitual pattern of drug use and give yourself days, weeks, months of breaks at a time to get control over your life.

 

[BlueSaffron]

If you think strong weed is stronger than heroin, you must've had some pretty shitty heroin

Seriously though... heroin is SUPER addictive. No one understands just how addictive til they're in the middle of the shit and it's too late to just turn around and go home. It makes you feel like everything's okay. Not just okay, fucking wonderful. It's an incredibly dangerous feeling to have available at the snap of your fingers, and it's very, very hard to let go of and go back to the real world where you have to work for your happiness. Just sayin'.

 

[Slappow1]

I live in a small town in Tennessee . I have to get over the fear of people if that makes sense. I don't talk on the phone . I try to avoid going in stores. It is a trip I'm 31 year old man. I shouldn't be this old. I've never posted stuff on the internet much . Stalked bluelight for a while now lol. Just thanks for the info and support. I haven't committed to sobriety but my doses have been way less and I'm looking into mental help .

 

[jaishivaya]

Slappow1 try looking for some meaning in your life. I've had my own journey in life that included a lot of psychedelics, uppers, downers, alcohol, etc. I'm the same age as you brother. My outlook on life changed when my goal in life was to find meaning in it. You can't go to church or follow people around to find out what works for you. You have to find out what that is on your own. That's your journey in life. You're doing your own thing in Tennessee, and the rest of the world keeps turning doing their own dance. We're all here to live and experience life. Just make the most out of your own situation and spend the rest of your life helping others.

Love, Serve and Remember.

Jai Ma.