Opioids Crazy Tolerance + Tips To Make The Best Of What I Can "Get"

[RT24]

So I dunno, I've been considering posting this query for a while, as this past year my tolerance has gotten to a point where... well... I'd say it rivals pretty much anyone at this point. Short backstory, but I've been using opiates since I was 10 - 24+ years now. I had my own "supply", then my own mom realized she liked being around me far more when I was "high/using", tripling what I would get on my own.

The worst/best thing, was when Purdue was screwing with the Oxy pill about 12 years ago, a few years before they went full on crush resistant on us - for a time, the pills were coming out the "other end" utterly and completely intact. So, I figured, Hell, they weren't doing jack squat... so... let's crush those puppies up, then! And so, what was already a love affair, became a mad, passionate lust.

Fast forward to today: I've been trying Oxymorphone+Oxycodone of late. I have to imagine the Oxymorphone is what "broke" my tolerance. As an example, having gotten my monthly haul of one last week...? Day one, it was about 250mg of OxyM. Day two, about 500mg. Day three, I ended up at about 800-900mg of Oxymorphone, and barely felt "it". Honestly, I still "feel" the Oxycodone at its best, whereas the OxyM is... nada. Maybe 400-500mg of Oxycodone in one dose, and I can still get "there".

So my ultimate question is... where am I at now...? Has my tolerance reached a point where I've basically "broken" myself, where it's so freaking high that I'm largely screwed to get any real use out of these save staving off withdrawal...? (Amazing how utterly horrid *that* is, no? Non-users/addicts just can't conceive how there is nothing in this entire existence worse than that cold turkey withdrawal. But I digress.)

I'm sure tip #1-1,000 would be reduce for a good while, try to lower tolerance that way, and start again... but that's easier said than done. Sorry, there's just no way on this Earth that I have that willpower in me. Is there any other way to improve/potentiate that I perhaps haven't tried...? Another variation of opiate that i might be able to switch to, which others in a similarly "insane tolerance point" have managed to find benefits with? Unfortunately, I do have quite legitimate pain to the point I cannot even walk any longer. so they are necessary for so called "legit" reasons, as well.

It would just be nice to be somewhere where a 30+ day supply isn't barely noticeable and largely gone after only a decent 2-3 days... or those 2-3 days were at least *worth* the sheer hell of the following weeks, which, right now, they surely are not. Have others been in a similar position as I myself, and what did you/they end up doing to go back to a livable arrangement? Thanks in advance!

 

[tacodude]

That's outrageous.... I could make a day of your usage last a week to a month or just the Oxymorphone. You need to stop now.... I don't only say that as you're extremely misusing what is the only combo I can get stable pain management without being drawn into the usage, but because they are extremely potent opiods you shouldn't use like that. I hope those are oral doses as at least that's 90 mg and I used to iv 60 mg a day by the end of my have, such a also about twice what it should've been. Seriously you need to get into a detox and then long term outpatient. You can't keep this habit up or make it better without a break. Even fent would be a long shot for you at this point I'd bet.

 

[RT24]

That's outrageous.... I could make a day of your usage last a week to a month or just the Oxymorphone. You need to stop now.... I don't only say that as you're extremely misusing what is the only combo I can get stable pain management without being drawn into the usage, but because they are extremely potent opiods you shouldn't use like that. I hope those are oral doses as at least that's 90 mg and I used to iv 60 mg a day by the end of my have, such a also about twice what it should've been. Seriously you need to get into a detox and then long term outpatient. You can't keep this habit up or make it better without a break. Even fent would be a long shot for you at this point I'd bet.

Stopping... isn't an option. Period. They are literally what saved my life about 15 yrs ago, and today things have gotten 100x worse since then. With my health, I can't/don't leave the house. At all. Last time I went out that wasn't medically related, it was my mom's funeral a few years ago. The problem is just tolerance - how many people have been on insane amounts, consistently, daily, for more than two decades? I'm in a very unique category there.

As much as it may sound, it simply doesn't effect me. You hear people "nod" out and shit, but even at those doses, nobody could even tell I'd taken anything. The joys of having your brain develop since before puberty on opiates, I suppose. At this point, I'd just like to have them impact my pain more than anything, but as I say. my tolerance is literally "broken". What i can take would be 6x what would kill someone normally. And although I never IV, it's still a crazy amount intranasal.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Check this out: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...lection-of-the-evidence-and-anecdotal-reports

 

[thelonegunman]

So I dunno, I've been considering posting this query for a while, as this past year my tolerance has gotten to a point where... well... I'd say it rivals pretty much anyone at this point. Short backstory, but I've been using opiates since I was 10 - 24+ years now. I had my own "supply", then my own mom realized she liked being around me far more when I was "high/using", tripling what I would get on my own.

The worst/best thing, was when Purdue was screwing with the Oxy pill about 12 years ago, a few years before they went full on crush resistant on us - for a time, the pills were coming out the "other end" utterly and completely intact. So, I figured, Hell, they weren't doing jack squat... so... let's crush those puppies up, then! And so, what was already a love affair, became a mad, passionate lust.

Fast forward to today: I've been trying Oxymorphone+Oxycodone of late. I have to imagine the Oxymorphone is what "broke" my tolerance. As an example, having gotten my monthly haul of one last week...? Day one, it was about 250mg of OxyM. Day two, about 500mg. Day three, I ended up at about 800-900mg of Oxymorphone, and barely felt "it". Honestly, I still "feel" the Oxycodone at its best, whereas the OxyM is... nada. Maybe 400-500mg of Oxycodone in one dose, and I can still get "there".

So my ultimate question is... where am I at now...? Has my tolerance reached a point where I've basically "broken" myself, where it's so freaking high that I'm largely screwed to get any real use out of these save staving off withdrawal...? (Amazing how utterly horrid *that* is, no? Non-users/addicts just can't conceive how there is nothing in this entire existence worse than that cold turkey withdrawal. But I digress.)

I'm sure tip #1-1,000 would be reduce for a good while, try to lower tolerance that way, and start again... but that's easier said than done. Sorry, there's just no way on this Earth that I have that willpower in me. Is there any other way to improve/potentiate that I perhaps haven't tried...? Another variation of opiate that i might be able to switch to, which others in a similarly "insane tolerance point" have managed to find benefits with? Unfortunately, I do have quite legitimate pain to the point I cannot even walk any longer. so they are necessary for so called "legit" reasons, as well.

It would just be nice to be somewhere where a 30+ day supply isn't barely noticeable and largely gone after only a decent 2-3 days... or those 2-3 days were at least *worth* the sheer hell of the following weeks, which, right now, they surely are not. Have others been in a similar position as I myself, and what did you/they end up doing to go back to a livable arrangement? Thanks in advance!

There's no easy way out of your situation. Tolerance is a bitch but it's completely unavoidable at the point you've described.
I've been there, a thirty day script lasting a few days and then....WTF DO I DO NOW??
Me, personally, I had absolutely zero desire to go thru withdrawals at those pints, so if I couldn't score or couldn't afford the outrageous price of 20 or so roxis, I'd have to use suboxone. That's what worked for me.

It could be dangerous for others that have never used subs or take them to soon after last dose of other opiates...you do NOT want the precipitated WDs that come from taking suboxone too soon. You just don't, believe me.

I don't know of any way other than the #1 - 1000 replies I agree you would receive. Take the smallest amount of subx that will get you not sick oth wise you'll waste the other stuff the first few days til the sub half life does its thing.

 

[tacodude]

If you are seriously struggling with legit chronic pain you need something like fent patches and sublingual pills for breakthrough. At your tolerance taking more will not do anything more. You need to reduce your dose even if you don't stop. No one even in excruciating pain should need those doses.

 

[svacheme3]

Well that's interesting at least it's not just me... Even 100+mg shots of oxymorphone only lasted minutes when trying to use that instead of my normal oxycodone. Although I still have questions about whether its because of something in the pills, because I got wrecked off pure oxymorphone once. My yield sucked so never bothered again, but will never forget that.

But anyway, if a dose exists that can still let you catch a nod, it could be worse. Like needing close to that dose to not be sick.

Also if you're considering bupe be advised high (but not extreme, Theres a lot more room at the top) usage that higher blood levels means longer clearance times. So you might need even longer than 24h to avoid preciptitated withdrawal. Theres theoretically cheap fent analogs that could work, but they're increasingly diluted to dose-price parity with traditional opiates if you're buying from the darknet and not a lab, between the forces of greed and fear because so many people kill themselves if it's too pure.

My tolerance only crashed because of jail, although eventually they cracked down on the loopholes that enabled it anyway. A year of sobriety and it took less than 48h for tolerance to get back in the hundreds of mgs.

 

[RT24]

If you are seriously struggling with legit chronic pain you need something like fent patches and sublingual pills for breakthrough. At your tolerance taking more will not do anything more. You need to reduce your dose even if you don't stop. No one even in excruciating pain should need those doses.

Trust me, absolutely severe chronic pain - tendons/ligaments have all gone to hell, but because of autoimmune issues. they can't/won't do surgery. I've even lost over 100lbs because of all this in only a years time recently - which you'd expect would have improved the tolerance aspect. but... absolutely not.

It seemed to me, and reading the post below yours somewhat validates this, that the Oxymorphone is what "broke" my tolerance. Things were as good as I could've expected, until I decided to try the Oxymorphone about a year ago. Then, it seems like my 23+ year tolerance went to hell.

I've actually been thinking a good deal about the Fentanyl - it'd provide constant relief, and all the nausea/vomiting induced by pain (meaning lost pills when that happens) wouldn't be an issue.

However, I've always been fearful of trying Fentanyl - you hear quite a bit about it. I'm also concerned that might be a step too far for my Dr. - with all said stigma, he'd be fearful to write an RX for it. They are *really* cracking down on Dr.'s + opiates, so a Fentantyl RX... well, there has to be a reason my Dr. has never themselves suggested it.

Secondarily, I was actually doing research into it recently without having read your post - I was thinking of mentioning it to my Dr. But when i was looking at dosages/what to suggest for my MD to write, it appeared the patch largely has a max dosage of 100 mwhatevers/whatever. This comes to the equivalent of 220mg of Oxycodone per day, which is somewhat less than I'm on. Therefore, it appears that the Fentanyl option would pretty much be a reduction to about 220mg Oxycontin dosage...? I would imagine, in my head, a Dr. *could* write for a 100 whatever patch and a 50 whatever patch, but it seems like the "guidelines" and what my MD might feel comfortable only writing for, *if* anything at all, is the 100 whatever only, equaling a much lower total daily dosage if indeed going the Fentanyl route.

So I feel like I'm stuck where I am, which is hardly a good place. This tolerance is just ridiculous - 10mg of IR Oxycontin is enough to knock out an opioid naive person. And it sucks so much that "their" guidelines/max dosages exist as they do - not factoring in the fact that, for someone who's been on them for decades, far beyond their max dosages does to someone like me what the minimum given to an entirely opioid naive soul does - of course 99.99% would never exceed 400mg of, say, Oxycontin daily. But if you have a bad/long enough tolerance, that dose is like 10mg a day for everyone else.

 

[RT24]

My tolerance only crashed because of jail, although eventually they cracked down on the loopholes that enabled it anyway. A year of sobriety and it took less than 48h for tolerance to get back in the hundreds of mgs.

I just wanted to point this out/focus on this - that's what so incredibly sucks about opiate tolerance. There is *NO* reset switch - go through WD, "sober" for a year (I use quotations because opiates just let me live, period. The reduction in pain, but even more than that, the "euphoria"/able to not kill myself aspect - I've never once acted "strange" or done something "crazed".), and in days, you'd be right back where you were.

More than that, however, the fact I myself have been on them constantly since age 9 - I've read articles that, if a pre-pubescent child is opioid dependent, their brain forever changes around that - there is no "off opiates/past withdrawal stage" for just such a soul as myself. I do suspect half the reason I can function so highly on them, never once experiencing the "nod" or negative mental impairments/changes in behavior, is because my brain literally developed around opiates - what that means for a life ever not on opiates is clearly not a good thing.

As you mentioned with returning tolerance, they clearly cause permanent brain changes... that never return to "normal".

 

[Esrever pirT]

This is my first post/reply. I'll just say WOW. I've never heard of anyone taking those kind of doses. I thought my tolerance to opiates was major. My max dose I can take (oral) of oxycodone is 80mg and then I'm lethargic and super chatty and scratching welts all over my body. I've never tried oxymorphone, just hydromorphone. But for the issue your facing, I agree with others in that you likely need professional help. I would never back off doses like that alone. If it were me, and I'm just speaking for me, I'd probably go to Fentanyl or the rc Acetyl Fentanyl while I'm looking for help. I can relate on the flying through a month in 48 hours. I had surgery yesterday and have already used 40 of the 60 Percs 10/325s my surgeon gave me. What I don't get is, I feel heavily sedated but can't sleep. And today's my b-day and I feel like pure toilet. Anyway, yeah get help sir. Thanks for the opportunity to help, or try to. Don't take this like I'm making light but you helped me actually. Like I'm not as bad off as I was under impression of. Good luck to you and everyone else too.

 

[RT24]

lol, hey, I guess that's something, eh...? 80mg.. having any effect?!? Now that's crazy to *me*.

I must say, I'm a wee bit surprised by the repeated "get professional help/come off them" aspect. I suppose one day, that day will inevitably come. I'll prolly not reach that point, but who knows. Right now. that *is* my life. I never leave the house save for Dr.'s appointments, so if it's what keeps me alive/not killing myself, I'll take that over the alternative. (Plus. I've never been "flagged" as anything, so I'll enjoy the stigma-free period you'd automatically obtain by seeking such "professional help" while I can.)

But yeah, folks, if you think your tolerance is bad...? It can get *much* worse. That's the fun of 23+ years of being on such miraculous/hellish things. The "good side" to it all? I guess an OD would be next to impossible! (And another thing to note: Even *despite* such crazed dosages/decades of use...? I have *NEVER*, not once in my life, experienced *ANY* "OD" - so just be smart, know your tolerance, research dosages, and do your homework. Being "safe" is absolutely possible, if you use your head, know your body, you too can experience opiates without knowing merely what an OD event feels like. Treat them with the respect they deserve, and safety is an absolute possibility/guarantee.)

(Still wishing there was any "trick/tip" save "seek help" when your tolerance is up to about 750mg of Oxycodone, but c'est la vie.)

 

[speedballs_over]

If you live in the US, I know a couple, or three maybe, methadone clinics that would match your needs, at least in the past they would. I've had co-patients on 1-gram/day or more, long term. Not pain management, but they looked the other way knowing it was legit pain not addiction treatment per se, but you do have to deal with clinic rules and usually some bureaucracy.

You'd likely have to move. Methadone at what is commonly considered, but is really only relatively, high doses will cover your needs. I believe. Could be in the grams/day area. There are some people that can't tolerate this due too cardiac issues. It's the only solution I can offer that might work.

This could be your solution.

Fentanyl is not.

Suboxone probably won't hold you.

Methadone will at some dose.

I had a 680-mg/day oxy habit after surgery many years ago, I was on 12-mg bupe (subuTEX), was acutely injured and that was the dose equivalent for me to leave the ICU on Oxy I could take at home. This was prescribed 48 hours after titrating me up to 1.5-MG/hr fentanyl, pain was tolerable, then the began crossing me over fully onto oxy.

Yes, 1.5 *milligrams* per hr fentanyl, and I still was at a 7/10 on pain, started at 9.5/10. They had to cross over to Oxy b/c it was the best choice. I remained at that for 18 weeks, then withdrew, went back to Subs and clonazepam and was fine.

But, in my estimation you need a full agonist. Long lasting, controlled distribution, and enough to get you well.

Best wishes.

 

[tacodude]

The patches are supposed to be the equivalent to an immediate release of the dose labeled sustained for 3 days so that dose you see is not what's in the patch as others said.

I recommend talking about fentanyl as your dose is excessively high as I said. If you use it as prescribed letting your dr decide the dose and only mentioning if using it as you should it's not working. Fentanyl manages pain although lacks the other effects people like and will skyrocket your tolerance even if you use it right if it's not already at that level so don't try to abuse it and open the patch to administer it differently.

Fentanyl can be a curse, but for you it can save you from going further downhill, but if you don't aim to reduce your use you'll be in the same spot.

Methadone might work if you take it in excessive doses they give at chemical dependancy facilities, but your not going to be scripted more than 160 mg a day.

 

[svacheme3]

Pain management specialists might still exceed 400mg like they used to. I was prescribed 700mg/day oxycodone (5x80 OC+10x 30mg IR)+ 40mg oxymorphone at peak from one of my doctors. Another 700+32mg hydromorphone. Fentanyl patches and lollipops were too expensive but I was offered those after he wouldn't increase the 80s past 150/mo. It's usually inappropriate to talk about, but I think relevant here to mention my total habit reached 2400mg/day IV oxy, and a friend of mine was around 3200mg. That seemed to be where the ceiling was, as we both took much more than that trying to actually nod again, but couldn't at any dose. Took 6 years to reach that level. My friend had a serious back issue once, the ER thought he was scamming drugs, then we brought him a bottle of 80s and they watched him swallow like 40, and several hours later when he was still screaming in agony they ran IV dilaudid wide open, told him do as much as you need. Over 500mg later they just put him out with propofol since was clearly never going to work.
Your best bet is to get fentanyl as an addition, not replacement. The point of the above is that there is a tolerance ceiling you'll have to face one day, likely because you only have a finite number of receptors and there's a limit on how many can be added by your brain in response to tolerance, but still have decades more before hitting it If you're not abusing and your current level took decades.

 

[RT24]

Pain management specialists might still exceed 400mg like they used to. I was prescribed 700mg/day oxycodone (5x80 OC+10x 30mg IR)+ 40mg oxymorphone at peak from one of my doctors. Another 700+32mg hydromorphone. Fentanyl patches and lollipops were too expensive but I was offered those after he wouldn't increase the 80s past 150/mo.
Your best bet is to get fentanyl as an addition, not replacement.

That was actually one concern I had regarding the Fentanyl - everything I was reading...? It said to "discontinue all other pain meds while using the Fentanyl." I mean, the Fentanyl would be great - never mind this tolerance issue, I also suffer from rather extreme pain related nausea and vomiting. Even have intramuscular anti-nausea meds on hand, it's so bad - so *not* vomiting up my pain meds, rendering them useless. but rather a patch/sublingual absorbed pain med....? That'd be a dream.

But clearly I still have reservations/fear detriments rather than benefits for going Fentanyl. Also, that's freaking awesome you got 5x daily Oxy 80mgs - my Dr. seems rather set that 4x a day is the hard limit there. Honestly, I'm so pissed that Purdue discontinued the 160mg Oxy's way back when - they are a medical necessity for a very few long, loooong term chronic pain patients.

Clearly, I've tried to overcome the whole 4x 80mg issue + my tolerance with IR's at a pretty high daily dosage... but equally so, clearly that isn't working presently. But so ultimately what you're saying, if going the Fentanyl route, I would at least discontinue the Oxycontin whilst continuing the IR's...? I can't imagine getting the Fentanyl, at roughly a similar dosage to my daily Oxycontin/ER pain relief, while continuing everything as is.

Unfortunately my Dr. isn't necessarily well versed in pain management pharmaceuticals (I'm the only patient they have managed long term pain management) - I have a *very* complicated/rare case, so they try their best - but it also means, when asking for something like this, I kind of have to do all the research/understanding myself, go in with all the facts/details/whatnot, that they then confirm/validate, and there you go. True, that might not be the most ideal setup in the world, but given the realities of my condition and where that case currently stands, it is indeed better for the time being than the PM route.

Hell, I once *almost* had/was forced to go that route, and the initial paperwork...? Random drug testing whenever (which wouldn't be an issue. Never done anything, not even weed. once in my life! Except....) being in chronic pain, being randomly called in/forced to go out of the house, for something like that...?! Then, of course, also the random pill counts at any point... So, like I say, the situation I have now seems the most ideal for the time being, given what it all is.

 

[tacodude]

If you were iv oxy pills then you can only fit so much per ml.... If those were your doses and you didn't use 3 ml you probably left hundreds of oxys behind thinking you used them.

Due to the mu activity mainly being its small conversion icy Oxymorphone although om having differect effect its probably only has a ceiling of how many opiate receptors you have.

Honestly even if there's legit pain these doses are high because you chased a stronger and stronger effect and now you can't sustain it due to the physical dependency. It's because people like you all who think they can beat the pain if they just take more pain killers. That's why doctors are afraid to prescribe not just because of addiction. You may not care because you think you need it, but realize it not only is holding you back. It is also contributing to the creation of policies to refuse medications even if someone needs it and doesn't even go past 200 mg.... Not per dose, but per day being closer to 30-60 mg for sustained released maintenance 2x-3x a day and 5-10 mg immediate release 4x-6x per day. Yet even with a straightforward laid out plan of treatment with medication to get to the point of being strong enough not to need it yet constantly denied as if I'm just trying to tell them what they want to hear to take advantage of them. It might honestly be the death of me as I'm tired living like this.

 

[RT24]

@Taco - as to being the "death of someone"...? You and me both. Whether I like it or not, that relief and, yes, that euphoria, are the difference between life and death for me, too. I wouldn't even have to consider it - losing that for good, I'd kill myself within 24 hours.

So I, too, am only but trying to survive. So I take some offense to the "people like you" label.

It is what it is, period. You think I like the fact my tolerance is what it is...?!! But equally so, my tolerance is that high. And the reality is also that, needing such crazy dosages...? It's not like I'm going to die of an OD or anything of the sort - that level is where my tolerance is, and so what I need just the same as to get what an opioid naive person would get out of 10mg IR or an Oxycontin 20mg. But "they" have these strict dosage limits in place, like a very few people don't eventually need more than that.

Furthermore, with the "people like you" comment...? You think it was *my* choice my mom decided that, when I was only 12 or so, she simply "liked me better" on such substances, and provided me almost double what I got so I was "like that all the time", all the way up until dying of late, thus blowing my tolerance ever more? Believe me, at the time, that simply was never a conscious choice I made. Someone says, at age twelve, never mind a beloved parent, "Hey, here's a bunch more opium - go wild!" and you'd say "No, never! Get away from me, vile devil of opiates!" Of *COURSE* not!

Now, I'm just trying to do what I can and literally, quite genuinely, need to do to survive, myself. Maybe it isn't morally right and I'll be condemned to a life in Hell one day, but honestly, that can't be any worse than the hell I'm now living in. We all just do what we think we need to to survive, right or wrong. I got cursed with incredibly poor health, so c'est la vie.

 

[tacodude]

I don't even care about the euphoria I just want pain relief. If fentanyl did that without increasing my tolerance crazy high I'd take it. It's just such bullshit what's going on..... Like the start of a holocaust on drug users.... Just look at the Philippines.... And Trumps support of what Duarte is doing. I'm sure he would do the same if he could because it's obvious he's demonized more than half the country as fake news or crazy demands his favorite words to attempt to discredit anyone associated with them. It's scary how much he's getting away with.

Edit : I'm not trying to attack you saying people like you in fact as you say you've become a victim. Yet now that you know will you just give up or try to get better and prove that "once an addict always an addict" is wrong. I know I labeled you, but I wasn't meaning to say it's your fault. I was trying to point out how your situation is used as an excuse to stop providing and educating or society about opiates when in fact the opposite for both is true. I'm sure if the right information existed at the time your mother wouldn't have shoved pills down your throat.

 

[RT24]

I don't even care about the euphoria I just want pain relief. If fentanyl did that without increasing my tolerance crazy high I'd take it. It's just such bullshit what's going on..... Like the start of a holocaust on drug users.... Just look at the Philippines.... And Trumps support of what Duarte is doing. I'm sure he would do the same if he could because it's obvious he's demonized more than half the country as fake news or crazy demands his favorite words to attempt to discredit anyone associated with them. It's scary how much he's getting away with.

Edit : I'm not trying to attack you saying people like you in fact as you say you've become a victim. Yet now that you know will you just give up or try to get better and prove that "once an addict always an addict" is wrong. I know I labeled you, but I wasn't meaning to say it's your fault. I was trying to point out how your situation is used as an excuse to stop providing and educating or society about opiates when in fact the opposite for both is true. I'm sure if the right information existed at the time your mother wouldn't have shoved pills down your throat.

No man, I do totally get it. You know, clearly, all that crap effects me, too. Believe you me, I keep a close eye on that. I am *SO* tired of hearing about the "opiate crisis!!!!!!!!" *EVERY* f***ing day. But I think you're going after the wrong folks/problem. It *isn't* "folks like me" that's the problem here.

The problem -the *only one*- with all this shit, is the OD deaths. That's the problem here, period. They're going after doctors because of idiots that OD. And they are idiots. One and all. Sorry, they are. Look, even my Dr. sat me down in March, refusing to write one of my normal meds until I met with them - purely for them to say hey, look, there's all these new state regs - showing me 14 pages of print outs. I even flat out said to my Doc, literally, verbatim, "The problem is idiots that OD... which has never included me."

Like I said, this all effects me, too, so you're preaching to the choir. It's just, the *problem* *ISN'T* folks like me. but rather. all the opiate ODs. And look, all my tolerance and whatnot, as I believe I've said here, I *NEVER*, not once, have had an OD situation. Anyone "using", you just use your f***ing head - know your tolerance, know the dosages or conversion rates if dabbling in a different opioid. and... problem averted. Treat them with the respect they deserve, and all will be right.

Oh, and you didn't know my mother... She absolutely would've, even today. I loved her to death, but clearly, wanting to "improve the things in her immediate life, damn the consequences" was a massive flaw of hers. But, she had a horrible life overall... rapes and pregnant at 15 (that she managed to miscarry), constant sexual harassment at work in the legal field, and the worst, most abusive (physically and mentally - one day, before I was born, an electric saw was taken to her leg by him) husband you could dare to imagine, So yeah, I get why she did what she did. Today, I might wish it weren't so, but at the same time. it's the one and only love in my life, so c'est la vie.

I also endured the constant, never ending physical abuse from 18 months on, I was also sexually molested as a child. I was also removed from life and my school as a child, utterly alone and isolated due to my health. Now, I can't even go out except to Doc's and pharmacies. If what keeps me going/my outlet in life, is this...? Well god damn, more power to it! It sure beats having killed myself 15 years ago, which I can assure you I would've. I don't buy illegally, damn, I've never even tried weed once in my life! I've never gotten another pain med prescription from any other doctor, not once, so I'm sorry, but I just don't see *me* as the problem here.

 

[RT24]

Actually, and I did want to add one other thing here I brought up a couple times - something that doesn't work with the "stop now!/get help" or "people like you" stuff. I'm not trying to justify continued usage (well, I suppose I am), but as I said previously? I've read multiple medical studies now... that a child opioid dependent...? Their brain forever changes - there is no "coming off", just a state of permanent, mild forever withdrawal.

It makes sense, too - I dunno about you, but I don't much hear of the 9 or 10 year old hardcore heroin or opioid dependent. 99.99999% at least start taking opiates during their teen years. What that means for me...? God only knows. Add in the chronic, constant, unbearable and unlivable pain? I'm sorry, but the "people like you" line just *really* rubbed me the wrong way.

And with that, I return to the ether!