*** copied from BL journal ***
I snorted one small line of H when i was 17 (20 years ago). Now, for some reason, i REALLY want to slam some.
There is no relevance to a 20 year old experience but i'm starting to think my addiction/addictive personality is progressing.
I'm a cokehead and never really tried the opiate experience. Maybe i'm not a cokehead and just a junkie that wants ANYTHING in his veins. Coke is real easy to get so i'm guessing that this is why i'm so into it (besides the enjoyment of the rush).
My mind keeps telling me that H would be so much better. It lasts longer, provides an intense euphoria and is cheaper.
I don't listen to the part that says that it is physically addicting and that i'm the kind of person that would fall into an even greater hell if i were to slam it.
The thing is, i know that i will seek it out and indulge very soon. Laziness and fear of cruising a strange city is holding me back. I'm not that invincible teenager anymore who walked the shady streets of Philly without fear. A couple of drinks of vodka typically energize and provide the mentality i once had as a teenager. Its only a matter of time until i intentionally get drunk for the purpose of finding this shit.
Successful acquisition of H will be the death of me. Most likely, if the first shot doesn't kill me then i will suffer years of humility and degradation until it does decide to be merciful and allow me to die.
Why don't i care?
I snorted one small line of H when i was 17 (20 years ago). Now, for some reason, i REALLY want to slam some.
There is no relevance to a 20 year old experience but i'm starting to think my addiction/addictive personality is progressing.
I'm a cokehead and never really tried the opiate experience. Maybe i'm not a cokehead and just a junkie that wants ANYTHING in his veins. Coke is real easy to get so i'm guessing that this is why i'm so into it (besides the enjoyment of the rush).
My mind keeps telling me that H would be so much better. It lasts longer, provides an intense euphoria and is cheaper.
I don't listen to the part that says that it is physically addicting and that i'm the kind of person that would fall into an even greater hell if i were to slam it.
The thing is, i know that i will seek it out and indulge very soon. Laziness and fear of cruising a strange city is holding me back. I'm not that invincible teenager anymore who walked the shady streets of Philly without fear. A couple of drinks of vodka typically energize and provide the mentality i once had as a teenager. Its only a matter of time until i intentionally get drunk for the purpose of finding this shit.
Successful acquisition of H will be the death of me. Most likely, if the first shot doesn't kill me then i will suffer years of humility and degradation until it does decide to be merciful and allow me to die.
Why don't i care?
