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Craving thread – v. Hold On

to m060,

You might not like to hear it but I snorted heroin for a week. I had my sober girlfriend there just in case I felt like using past the week mark. (luckly I was ready to give it up) Been three weeks yesterday, so I think I can say it worked for me.
 
Desperate to stop drinking (only had one sober day all year, in the midst of a psychiatric crisis the other week) .. trying to decide if I should try to replace it with cannabis again (not that that ever works). Herb magnifies my psychosis but alcohol doesnt mix well with my meds.
Been long enough off herb and assorted pills that I don't really crave them anymore. But I'd gladly trade drug addiction for alcoholism & abstinence right now.
 
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^Nope you don't want either of them.

I feel lucky that I have more self control and will power to not touch alcohol everyday like I used to. I still occasionally drink but I try not to get too drunk. Like I have mentioned before, I am not getting any younger and I may encounter health issues again so I do my best to stay away from it as much as I can.
 
Isnt that the truth - not getting any younger. Keep at it! I found my heavy drinking had more to do with the nonstop drug filled party I was living at.

Today is 3 months and one week I think for me, I think I miss my friends more than using to be honest.
 
I had some seriously intense heroin dreams this morning. They hit me out of nowhere. I'd say that they were the most intense ones I've had in six months (last heroin was ten months ago). There's no polite way to say it...these dreams FREAKING SUCK. I guess all that I can do is keep plodding along through life like it never happened.
 
Pretty sure I had a using dream, when I have them I wake up feeling like garbage. Then I had to go help my Grandmother take care of some medication stuff. I was in a pissy mood and have to admit that the thoughts of smoking coke entered my head a few times. I didn't even like that stuff all that much. My craving usually are brief then followed by a pattern of me thinking "I cannot do that anymore, poor me". So I guess its good that I have it in my head that using isn't an option.

I have noticed when I get thrown off my morning routine (15 minutes in bed waiting for Wellbutrin to kick in and time to read the news, cup of coffee then meditation and prayer) I can be a real asshole. Thankfully I pulled it together before my sister with her kids showed up at my parents.

Doing better now, I need to get back to my apartment though. Have had a headache all day.
 
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Since a lot of people are likely trying to limit their drug use for the New Year it is probably sensible to bump the craving thread.
 
Had a dream about smoking heroin ... If only.
Haven't had access to.an opiate since a.blissful summer of Oxycontin &.diaualdid two summers ago.
I've used opiates ~ every 3years or so.
Heroin has made a resurgence in this meth-soaked region, nothing I wouldn't give for a chance at it.

I compensate with other quasi-legal substances but nothing can compete with the sweet opiate bliss. Guess I'm.lucky I have no clue where to.find any
 
Unfortunately had a drug-dream myself today... was snorting subutex (I've never even tried subs, but I guess it's cause I was considering buying them instead of Oxy last night) and ket... woke up this morning with cravings for opes & ket, miserable as shit and posted a self-absorbed druggie story in TDS. I just need to settle for my stash of Kratom & Benzos and try not to drink. :/
 
I've been having drug dreams too. Right when I think I'm kicking this thing in its ass I have a dream about drugs.:(
Almost 18 months now and still strong but still wanting to cave so bad. Good thing my sources have dried up and there is nothing I can gain access to.
 
wow 18 months!! that's amazing! the most time i have ever had away from opiates is 5months , and part of the time was in rehab and jail!

whats bothering you americanfloosie? why do you want to run away and get high? yes, the high might seem enticing, but for me there is always a reason why i hurt myself with drugs. using drugs for me is self-hate; a reason to continue using drugs. i beat myself up about using, and then try to make the situation better by using to cover up feeling shitty for beating myself up. the high is a fucking lie, it is nothing like it seems. dont listen to that fucking monkey on your back; it tells you things will be different. the beast says that life is not worth living without drugs, but that is a FUCKING LIE!! you know what happens when you use. the thing is to challenge those thoughts. ask yourself, "are these cravings valid?" "why do i feel this way; is it okay to feel this way?" "can i accept these thoughts without acting on them, or can i accept these emotions without acting on them?" "are these drug using thoughts true, or are they clouded with disillusion?"
 
I actually use my drug-using dreams as a crutch. It isn't real, I didn't really do it -- but I get a weird scare and even a satisfaction from it. Those are the dreams that involve a hypo. I feel ya. And it's been ten years since I IV'd anything.
 
Once again im back in this screwed up hole created by my own wrong choices.
Shit gets out of hand so rapidly :(
Been trying so hard to refrain from thinking about making that dark phone call, but gosh darnnn its tough.
I nearly forgot about bluelight.. until just now.
So here i am in need of a clean habit.
 
I recently got booted from my mdone clinic for dropping dirty ( twice in 9 months ), but this last one for cocaine. I tested positive 2 weeks in a row even tho the second test it had been 6 days since i shot any blow. Anyway after 2 horrible weeks on morphine and diamorphine, Im back in a different clinic, no more opioids. I am finding myself wanting cocaine quite a bit now...... I'm scared i'm doing mental gymnastics to get hooked on coke and amps. thoughts?
 
I never have had problems with them, and ive thought alot about it, i think its because i know opioids wont work....... but cocaine and d-mamp work just fine.

It sucks and i gotta watch and not do it, it's just the same addictive patterns and thought processes that got it so i cant go without methadone or heroin.
 
I'm in the process of quitting psychadelics (MDA, LSD, MDMA, etc.). It's been about 4 months since I used them (I've been using weed and beer though, but now I'm swearing them off too until I can get ahold of my addiction problem). I've been having using dreams like crazy these past few nights. My cravings are bad too, all the time I think about how I want to use again, but luckily my dad is holding onto my cash so I can't order any drugs. I'm grateful to be sober nowadays, because now my mind is a lot more under control than when I was using psychadelics (I was crazy and unpredictable then, ending up in the mental hospital a few times). I'm a week away from graduating my Intensive Outpatient rehab program. Here's to being clean!
 
Well too damn depressed today to go buy alcohol, and have no drugs, hooray. I feel like Death is giving me a nice cold hug. Not yet time to pop a couple pills and pass out tho
 
SilverFeniks -- I wrote this poem for you:

I only opened my eyes to close them again.
Morning again, and then again, and then again.
I'm sleeping on the wall, and then
Again, I opened my eyes, and when
I did, I saw things differently.

Depression is like that. There's no hope until suddenly there is, and everything is changed. Fucking crazy shit. Here's to you seeing things differently sooner than later. :)
 
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