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Cocaine crack questions

What it means is this:

The dishonesty can cause distress / loss of trust in the relationship and disruption to the family unit. This ultimately causes emotional harm.
 
Mods I'm very sorry for making this thread social - you are welcome to move it, close it, hell even close my account if need be.

It obviously wasn't my original intention and god knows posting on the net while high is stupid and irresponsible.

Guys - I'm in deep. I'm now a crackhead. I have spent around 700 in 2 weeks since I first tried it at the start of this thread.

The paranoia and guilt is Increasing and my performance at work and school is suffering. It's only a matter of time before my wife sees our credit card bill (though it's in my name so my debt) and sees all the cash withdrawals. Then comes the babbling BS explanation followed by the sobbing confession.

I don't even truly get high anymore -it just helps the guilt, depression and lack of energy somewhat. The hood rats have my cell # and now call me daily to "check on me"... I'm their fucking ATM. Don't blame them. They're supporting their own habits and putting food on their tables. I actually respect their initiative.

Anyway. Sorry again guys. Maybe a few more hits will help the self-hate.
 
And yes I know this hurts my wife emotionally and all those who love me. But the options are suicide (which would hurt them far, far more) or coming clean - and at that point does it really matter if I spent 200 or 2000?
 
Fuck I'm usually not this depressive esp while high. I can't continue this line of thinking right now or I will do something dumb. Just need to relax and cheer up.
 
Would like to continue that convo later while sober. I love you guys for caring.
 
And guys - my wife and I already have trust issues - we've been through this before with K and she knows I'm an addict. Just not aware of this relapse.
 
jimborg said:
And guys - my wife and I already have trust issues - we've been through this before with K and she knows I'm an addict. Just not aware of this relapse.
Click to expand...


As you probably know, crack is not a married man's drug. Maybe you're relapsing because you know this, and secretly wish to be single again.
 
Nah I love her more than anything in the world (honestly)... she's my best friend and the only person who has ever understood me. She's beautiful, trusting, caring, non-judgmental, intelligent, successful, and completely innocent (she has never tried any drug beyond alcohol and benzos thought she's okay with others smoking weed).

And I swear to you this isn't just the crack talking. The fact that I'm lying to her and hurting her is a constant weight on my shoulders but that doesn't stop my stupid, impulsive, hedonistic brain from continuing the behavior.
 
jimborg said:
Nah I love her more than anything in the world (honestly)... she's my best friend and the only person who has ever understood me. She's beautiful, trusting, caring, non-judgmental, intelligent, successful, and completely innocent (she has never tried any drug beyond alcohol and benzos thought she's okay with others smoking weed).
Click to expand...

Oh, if I ever said anything like THIS about my old lady, I would KNOW it was the crack talking :D
 
True. I guess I've surrendered to it and always tell myself - just finish off your stash so you don't waste it then never score again.

Fucking stupid I know.
 
I also feel like if I come clean it will hurt her beyond repair. She has psychological issues of her own and it has taken two years of therapy for her to mostly recover from my K binge. If I come clean I really feel like it could permanently mindfuck her.
 
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