Could you date a non drug-user?

[Gavin83]

This is a subject I've thought about it depth. I really don't think I could date a non drug user. Although Im not an addict as such, drugs are a large part of my life and it's something I wish to share with those close to me and it would bother me that something that was that big a part of my life I wasn't sharing with my girlfriend. As someone said, it expands your mind in a way other things can't and you simply can't relate to a non drug user as well as you can a drug user.

Besides, despite what they say I think a non drug user will always resent your drug use. It's something they won't understand and something they will always feel you respect more than them. I could see arguments taking place for them only to use the classic 'You wouldn't do/say that if you weren't a druggie'.

I couldn't hack it and I wouldn't impose it on my partner either. It just wouldn't work as well as a relationship with a drug user would.

 

[Sun]

^^ That's beautiful!!
*meant for stillbeing* on page 1

 

[Solksjaer]

Yes I have dated a non-drug user for about a year and it was a healthly good relationship. We had the same group of friends, except she chose not to do drugs, maybe a few beers every once in a while, but that was pretty much it. The best part of it was having a sober driver all the time. She was the designated driver for me in that point of my life, when I first got my license. The girl probably kept me from serious injury or possibly death.

 

[arizona83]

I just don't think it would last. I would not start a relationship with a non-user if they could not accept that I regularly use and binge.

I tell all prospective girlfriends about my usage before anything gets serious, I find it easier that way - They will either be accepting or they will fuck off!

I just don't think it could last with me and a non-user simply because my partner would get sick of dealing with my lifestyle (Regularly taking ecstasy/speed/k/coke/acid on wknds) and leave. I would not stop using at this point in my life (I'm 23 and having fun) if my partner wanted me to. I'd send her packing.

 

[duck_racer]

Yes, I have done for 2.5 years and it was never a problem. She drank but didn't smoke or take drugs. She wasn't paticularly anti drug taking but it didn't interest her which I respected. She was fairly cool with what I did though as long as I didn't put myself at risk.

 

[E-llusion]

I can't help feeling that if I were completely happy with my life that I'd lose interest in drugs.

^^
If you feel this way , you should quit drugs period. People who rely on drugs to fill the "happiness gaps" in their life should stay away from them.


That's where I find a lot of problems with people, drugs are not there to make you happy, you're not a loser for using drugs, and you don't "need" drugs. They are just there to expand your mind and your horizons and have fun.

Also some of you said you'd never date an addict, how do you define an addict though ? Someone using pot every day is just as addicted as someone rolling every month or so. I think an addict that lets the drugs run his/her life would be an unacceptable partner however everything else is a gray area.

 

[Fishface]

I did - and we're getting married in a fortnight!

While she had come across, and enjoyed, hashish in Morocco and charas in India, she'd never socialised in circles where other drugs had been used - until she met me.

I can still remember her earnestly announcing on one of our earliest dates, 'I don't do drugs, you know', to which I replied, 'Oh, I do'.

However, she is an intelligent woman who has come to understand why I use psychedelics and, a few weeks back, enjoyed her first experience of MDMA - so much so that it's now her who's keener to go to the next local psy-trance night than I am!

 

[nucastle]

Drug use connects you with a way of thinking and feeling that non drug users just dont understand IN MY OPINION.

Back in my 'full of shit' days - i would swear blind against that kind of thinking, even though i would go out and drink myself silly 3 times a week but look down on 'drug' users as some kind of scum.

These days i work a highly skilled job and know im an extremely bright individual and get paid as such... but i take drugs recreationally and have many friends who do the same.

I could not have a long term relationship with anyone who hasnt dabbled, or can appreciate drugs for what they are - people who have only ever drank alcohol just feel different to me these days.

Besides, one of lifes greatest feelings is lying in bed as you come down gradually off pills, with someone you care about who is feeling the same way. Its just not the same as passing out drunk ....

 

[johnmortons]

ah, you should never elevate drug use to that level of importance. it is a great delusion if you think that drug use will give you access to insights that people who do not use cannot have. on the contrary, i find that people who develop similar perspectives without the drugs are often more consequent in them.

drugs can feel very nice, but they are not essential, nor should they touch the fundamentals of a relationship.

 

[nucastle]

i dont think they do touch the fundamentals of a relationship at all - ive had very long term relationships with people who were pretty much completely 'anti drug'.

BUT, as life goes on and you have experiences - i feel you look for people who you can associate with depending on who you are and where you are coming from. It doesnt have to be 'drug' based - but if your experiences have been healthy, controlled and non destructive, its something i like to share at least verbally (and actively) with another person and at least know they can connect with that on some level, or at least appreciate it.

People of a 'non drug' persuasion to me (personally) feel alot different. I'd say drugs have enhanced my life and my experiences (as a tiny percentage of the other 99.9% of the rest of the time i spend my time living)... and i want to feel another person can enter into that in some way.

 

[aanallein]

ah, you should never elevate drug use to that level of importance. it is a great delusion if you think that drug use will give you access to insights that people who do not use cannot have. on the contrary, i find that people who develop similar perspectives without the drugs are often more consequent in them.

drugs can feel very nice, but they are not essential, nor should they touch the fundamentals of a relationship.

Ya I agree with this for sure. I don't feel I gained anything from drugs that I couldn't have gained simply from deep introspection. Drugs can also be very deceptive so don't hate on people who don't feel like taking them, they aren't "missing something." I said before that people with zero drug experience sometimes rub me the wrong way but after some thought, people with a lot of drug experience sometimes rub me the wrong way even worse. So I don't think its drug related at all probably.

 

[Mona Lisa]

mona lisa, if you feel that strongly against your own use, you should try to quit. i think my drug use is actually good for me, not negative in any way. i only use psychedelics.

(not being preachy, i am trying to quit drinking...jstu pointing out the obvious i guess!)

Well this is the thing: I enjoy myself so much when I do get high, plus I'm mostly taking legal highs anyway -- piperazines, and Spice smoking blend. I understand, though, that some piperazines (BZP) are banned in America but I am in England.

I tend to be hyper-critical about myself including the fact that I enjoy eating and drinking more than I should; that I should be going to the gym more than I do, that I should be doing a PhD, etc. The truth is that I lack self-discipline a lot of the time.

I'm largely speaking in hypotethical terms. But it is still true that even legals take their toll, I'm almost positive of it. I was just stating the fact that I use crutches in my life. Best of luck!

 

[Mona Lisa]

This is a question that I’ve always asked myself, and I’m not completely sure of the answer. I know I could never date someone that didn’t drink or enjoy a drink when I go out with them… but I’m not sure about the whole drug thing.

I mean… I enjoy drugs, and I might do them ever once in awhile… I would want someone that understood that. If I really cared about them I would attempt to stop for them, but I would never quit drinking because hell… you can’t take everything away from me.

The only problem with dating another drug user is the fact that the relationship can start to be based on getting high with one another… which can be a slippery slope.

So yes… I could date a non-drug user… as long as they drank… LOL

I think this is why I've found the happy medium in my present relationship, because he isn't a user but he allows me the space and freedom to do my own thing, plus we can enjoy a drink together now and again. He loves me unconditionally, which seems pretty rare these days.

If I had gone off with this other more conservative guy, I would have probably completely given up drugs and drinking; but I'm sort of glad that I haven't had to make so many sacrifices for my partner. It may not be inspiring, but at least it's comfortable.

 

[nucastle]

legal or not .... getting 'high' is still getting 'high' though eh To the average smirnoff ice drinker down the local boozer it might be a wee bit different to a 'proper' (government decided) drug user - but it still goes beyond what is generally accepted as a widespread and socially accepted way to kick back and relax/enjoy yourself.

 

[5-HT2]

I could date a non-drug user, as long as they were cool with me doing drugs in moderation. However, if they tried to halt my usage and I wasn't using irresponsibly, I'd tell them they were too controlling and they should drop their prejudice or I'd end it.

 

[phr]

^^

That's where I find a lot of problems with people, drugs are not there to make you happy, you're not a loser for using drugs, and you don't "need" drugs. They are just there to expand your mind and your horizons and have fun.

Although I agree with you that you don't need drugs and that you're not a loser for taking them, a lot of us do take drugs to make us happy. What percentage of recreational users do you think take them to expand their mind and horizons? And, as for taking them to have fun, well isn't that in order to make us happy?

Also some of you said you'd never date an addict, how do you define an addict though ? Someone using pot every day is just as addicted as someone rolling every month or so. I think an addict that lets the drugs run his/her life would be an unacceptable partner however everything else is a gray area.

I think we all know what an addict is, I'm not gonna bother defining it. Smoking pot daily = addict. Rolling every month or so != addict. I think most of us would agree with that.

 

[kittyinthedark]

Simply put, no. I have found that those who do not use drugs tend to be hyperprejudiced against them. Of course I'm sure there are people who fall in the middle who simply don't use and don't care, but I really haven't met any...

And phrozen, smoking pot daily != addict. There's a BIG difference between a habitual user and an addict. I went from smoking multiple times daily to not smoking AT ALL when I started college with no problem whatsoever. I wouldn't say I had an addiction, would you?

 

[fairnymph]

I think an addict is someone who is emotionally dependent on the drug and gets upset if he cannot get it. There are also the type of people who don't do one particular drug regularly but constantly want to be high on SOMETHING. I consider these regular polydrug users addicts. In general, I would not want to date someone who spends a significant portion of their time intoxicated.

IME, the majority of daily pot smokers ARE addicts.

 

[E-llusion]

I think an addict is someone who is emotionally dependent on the drug and gets upset if he cannot get it. There are also the type of people who don't do one particular drug regularly but constantly want to be high on SOMETHING. I consider these regular polydrug users addicts. In general, I would not want to date someone who spent a significant portion of their time intoxicated.

IME, the majority of daily pot smokers ARE addicts.

I used to smoke pot daily back in my University days, then one day i just quit period. Not once a week or once a month routine , I quit cold turkey and never looked back. Was I an addict ? Never, I quit overnite and never looked back. So it really all depends on the person and their outlook on life I guess.

 

[E-llusion]

I think we all know what an addict is, I'm not gonna bother defining it. Smoking pot daily = addict. Rolling every month or so != addict. I think most of us would agree with that.

Than by your standards, pretty much everyone on this board, and almost every drug user in the world would be an addict.