Bucklecroft -
I'm here because you posted a great study in ED and I have looked through some of your posts.
I felt the need to contribute.
I am less namby-pamby than most BL members.
I don't think everything is 'subjective' and I DO believe in truth, solid evidence, and an ultimate answer to many of life's questions. This is one of the reasons I like reading scientific research.
I assume you share this trait with me, but regardless I think you would benefit from my realistic approach.
I will back up several statements on this thread first...
Drug use can indeed cause drastic alterations to people's face.
Aside from the rather serious deterioration seen in meth/cocaine users...
Any stimulant like MDMA can cause a change.
I must admit to a real worsening of the bags under my eyes this year.
One of the more interesting facts I learned about serotonin this year is that it contracts smooth muscle throughout the body. The intestines are the primary site of this action, being the largest group of smooth muscles in the body. But underneath your eyes exists another set.
MDMA releases massive amounts of serotonin, which suppresses dopamine in the brain and interferes with normal neuronal function. Serotonin increases also cause a huge increase in bloodflow and glucose consumption as the brain attempts to compensate.
One of the compensatory mechanisms occurs when the hypothalamus tells the adrenal glands to release HUGE amounts of cortisol. The stress hormone goes up 800% above normal in most MDMA users!
And it increases the metabolism of serotonin, helping the brain to lower the toxic amount present.
Cortisol not only lowers serotonin, which weakens the smooth muscle throughout the body, it actually destroys collagen. The collagen fat which is intertwined with the smooth muscle is broken down into its constituent amino acids.
So doing MDMA, and other drugs, causes smooth muscle to relax and destroys collagen.
I'm sure I'm not the only MDMA user to experience bags under the eyes after rolling especially considering the lack of sleep. And I should point out that other sources of cortisol will cause the same effects, although to a lesser degree.
This explains why some people have more haggard faces than others as they age.
Some of them have saggy faces and bags of death under their eyes!
Cortisol is not good for the aging process.
What makes drug use even worse, is that they can cause brain 'damage' or alterations which cause an ONGOING increase in cortisol for MONTHS or years after abstinence!
Lots of recovering drug users experience long-term stress and depression, which wreaks MORE havoc on their faces than the actual drug use!
That's all pretty fucked up to know.
Now for something a little more subjective, or namby-pamby...
On the days that my eyes looked the MOST baggy this last year, I also had the most cortisol.
This seemed to be directly tied to the level of depersonalization I felt.
In particular, I found it hard to RECOGNIZE myself in the mirror - even if I stared into my own eyes for several minutes. I literally didn't feel like I was REAL.
Somedud, another recovering MDMA user, has made repeated statements about his eyes being 'dead'. About the 'spark of life' missing...
I can't help but refer to scientific explanations involving smooth muscle and collagen, but I must also contribute the subjective effects. Why is the smooth muscle integrity under the eyes DIRECTLY tied to the level of depersonalization and personal FACIAL recognition?
It's like the serotonin nerves that control smooth muscle under the eyes innervate a circuit in the brain critical to facial recognition!
Loss of serotonin in these circuits could be driven by ongoing cortisol release seen during 'recovery'.
And the drop in serotonin might worsen the external appearance of the eyes AND the internal perception of self.
I was told earlier in the year that my eyes didn't look NEARLY as bad as I thought.
And I questioned several people on several occasions.
They each told me I thought it was worse than it really was.
There was definitely a change, but my perception of it seemed to exaggerate how bad it really was.
And I suspect this is true for both Somedud, and you.
I thought this might help.
However, as I said...I believe in solid truth.
And this applies to things other than science.
I do believe, based on your description, that your facial structure is a problem on its own.
When you express such certainty about how ugly you are, it seems pointless to me to oppose you.
The repeated reactions of other people, upon seeing you, is a more reliable measure than self-diagnosis.
At least to a point...
It is notable to mention that the perception of 'ugly' varies widely across cultures.
'Beauty' is a lot more universal, with facial symmetry being scientifically supported as a leading indicator of attractiveness across cultures.
But there is no such standard rule of 'ugly'.
I personally think aborigines have pretty damned ugly faces...
But do you think other aborigines think this?
And what would they think of me?
Even if most cultures agree that facial symmetry is important, they do NOT seem to agree on just how 'ugly' other features are....
And most people with rather remarkable or unusual facial features tend to be 'normal' within their own genetic environment.
It makes sense...
If you grow up seeing people that look like you, your brain will not perceive it as ugly.
Your facial recognition software, which is very unique in humans, will adapt to the environment it is in.
Normally I would assume that you have simply been raised in a culture that is not genetically your own.
But this doesn't appear to be the case, based on your parent's remarks.
This also poses a problem for making assumptions based on genetics....
Do you not resemble one of your parents?
Are you adopted?
Just about every 'beautiful' and 'ugly' person I have ever met looks pretty much like one of their parents. And quite often the offspring are gifted with good features from each parent, resulting in a child that is even more attractive than the parents. This is especially true of racially mixed children.
The more genetic variety involved, the better the resulting facial features.
At least according to the 'symmetry' guideline.
Conversely, if limited genetics are involved...esp. inbreeding or incest its more likely that 'ugly' facial features will result.
Even if genetic inbreeding is not a factor, it is quite possible that you have a chromosomal anomaly.
There are many illnesses that have a genetic cause which cannot be attributed to the parents.
It just happens.
All of this discussion does nothing to really help you, beyond gaining a further understanding.
You may indeed be cursed with a face that most of us would not want.
Drug use worsens most peoples attractiveness, as does aging...but for you this might make a bad situation worse.
Understanding that it really doesn't address the core issue, I still recommend against using drugs for a LONG time.
You might be surprised at how healthy lifestyle can improve both your internal perception and your actual external appearance.
The same goes for exercise.
While having a good figure does not alter the facial structure...
It WILL improve serotonin function in the brain and possibly TIGHTEN up some of those smooth muscles in the face!
Sleep is also very important for the collagen under the eyes.
Overall healthy diet and exercise will make you FEEL better, which will lessen the importance of your looks. If you are focused on working out, depression becomes MUCH less unlikely.
Don't exercise for your body or your looks, do it for your brain function.
The benefits to the brain are only beginning to be understood.
And one day most of your peers will be FAT anyways.
It is a rather disgusting trend in our generation.
Age brings fatness.
I have always been more disgusted with fat people than ugly ones.
I would much rather have an odd-looking face than a lard-infested frame.
And since being overweight is almost ALWAYS a choice, it adds a level of disapproval that feels justified.
So by choosing to exercise, you will inherit one HELL of a consolation prize.
Everyone ages, but not all of us get fat in the process.
I'm 30 years old and in the best shape of my life.
Even when I was 16 and working out for six months, I couldn't achieve the level of muscle I have now.
Being in good physical shape, avoiding drugs, sleeping well, eating healthy...all of these things will help.
So does smiling.
Being happy and LOOKING happy makes attractive people look MORE attractive.
And makes 'ugly' people look less 'ugly'.
If your teeth are fucked up, I recommend dental surgery or braces.
Strongly recommend.
Bad teeth will contribute a LARGE portion of 'ugliness'.
And those can be fixed.
Plastic surgery is more complicated, and I think that less is more.
People that have too much plastic surgery on their face often look WORSE as they continue to age.
But if you are really struggling with your appearance, I have no moral objection to you seeking out a few procedures. While most people are vain about it, you sound like you have real self-esteem issues that go well beyond what most people deal with.
If you can manage to afford the surgery, you should do it.
And dental work shouldn't even be questioned.
If you wear glasses, consider contacts or at least frameless glasses.
And consider your age a factor.
The bones of the face don't finish forming until mid to late twenties!
I know quite a few really attractive people that were NOT very attractive in their teens.
Some hot celebs looked quite awkward or even 'ugly' if you see a picture from 16-18 years old.
At the same time I knew several kids who were quite cute in their early teens, but as their faces continued to form as adults then turned out to be quite average.
I really do think the most attractive faces do not attain their potential until true adulthood is reached. That means the early 20s at the earliest.
I was one of the pretty average teenagers.
I never felt 'ugly' but I was always slightly dissatisfied with the face I was given.
Imagine my surprise when I re-evaluated myself as a grown man, only to realize that I am actually pretty decent looking. Not a model, but certainly above-average. %)
And above all, try to understand that physical attractiveness is not something given to all.
There are FAR more unattractive or average people in this world.
If you go by television and movies we should ALL have very long and symmetrical faces.
This just isn't reality.
Remember when I mentioned that being around people that looks like you influences how the brain is wired? What effect do you think TV and media have on people's brain circuitry?
Facial expressions are a unique form of communication, something that animals are not gifted with. Recognition of faces and their expressions is a very highly evolved cognitive ability.
It is a key feature of dysfunction in conditions like Aspergers and Autism.
Besides all the suggestions I have given....
There is money.
While being truly unattractive can make being hired or promoted more difficult (the same is true of fatness), I have NEVER heard of a truly brilliant person having professional problems due to their looks or weight!
Being smart and talented is WAY more attractive to a company.
You just aren't old enough to really know this yet.
You might want to avoid Sales or Management as a career, but other than that the doors are wide open to you.
And with a good income, you can buy all the plastic surgery and WOMEN you want.
That is guaranteed.
So lighten up about it.
Laugh about it.
Accept it.
And get to work.