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Coping with the ugly stick

Try working out, the boost in testosterone it gives you will help with your confidence and your looks. And yea take a break from the ganja, guarantee you'll start feeling much better.
 
Renz Envy said:
No such thing as an "attractive person" they're merely individuals who take time to fine-tweak their looks everyday.

As a guy you can:

A) Lose weight
B) Get a tan
C) Moisturize your skin to make it look smooth
D) Pluck your eyebrows
E) Wear a very light amount of concealer around trouble spots (Like dark circles under the eyes. Random splotches)
F) Get an attractive haircut. Look at these "attractive people" most of their hair sucks. Show them up with something fresh.
G) Whiten your teeth
H) Build a frame of muscle
I) Wear cologne or put a small amount of deoderant on the outside of your shirt.
J) Take up a hobby in which occupies your time so much: (That you really don't give a fuck what people think. Mine just so happens to be working out, playing violin and writing.)
K) Wear fashionable clothing that reflects on the kind of person you want to be. You may want to be a typical bro and wear fancy-graphic t-shirts. You may want to be a bit classier and wear a tailored button-up shirt. Either is socially acceptable and will win you points.



Guys truthfully rely on their genetics to make them attractive, and it's funny. I don't. I am ugly without most of the steps above. I came from a family where the looks department is completely unimportant, and the only important things in life were school and work to my parents.

I did not lose my virginity until I was 19 years old, because I lacked the confidence to ask a girl out. I felt like I was so ugly until I started really focusing on my looks rather than spending each day inside playing video games. It is painful (nothing is pleasant about changing your lifestyle) and I have gotten harsh criticism, but in the end it will pay off.
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Exactly, you'll be surprise what a good haircut, and some good clothes will make you look. Also workout, i know guys who have very ugly faces, but have nice bodies, and girls love it. With face you can't do much, but with body soo much.
 
shahab6 said:
luckily ur a guy so it doesn't matter if ur ugly or not, most guys don't care if there friend is ugly or not, and iv seen tons of girls with ugly guys, as long as they have personalty and confidence.
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tee hee - reminds me of walking down the street with my s/o, and this lad shouts out of a passing car to her: "You're too good looking for your boyfriend!!" I lol'ed =D

Certainly as a younger man, I had more than one woman tell me how unattractive I was, which definitely hurt. Turns out that there were plenty of others who found me hot - I just had to keep believing in myself.

Self love is the path out of this, my friend :)
 
it's actually scientifically proven that most of the time the kind of energy you put out into the universe comes back to you. therefore, if you put out a negative energy, it affects your impression of yourself and it all comes back to you. you don't have to be good-looking to be well-liked.

some of the most loved people i know are not super good-looking, but they have a charm or a vibe that makes people want to be around them, because they are themselves and they are fun and confident and love life. i can quite safely say that the kind of guys that attract me are not ones who are drop dead gorgeous but those that have wonderful character.

love yourself before you allow others to love and accept you.
 
Been doing some objective thinking and ive realised that a great deal of my ugliness is self inflicted. My drug use has left me with quite severe scarring around my eyes and even down the sides of my nose which really gives me a haggard and somewhat "uncouth" (lol best word I could think of) appearance. Ive invested in some concealer to fix the problem and im optimistic that it will improve things. For now im focusing on working with what I have. Getting a good haircut, ensuring my skin is clear, dealing with dark circles etc etc. All these things are practical measures I can take which stop me from whining.
Body dysmorphia sounds very familiar to me in terms of the symptoms sufferers describe - I tick every single box for the DSM criteria, so its highly likely I have some kind of perceptual problem whereby my concerns are waaay overblown.
 
Drugs do take a serious toll, looks-wise. I was looking at some pictures of myself from a few years ago. At the time the pictures were taken, I was extremely strung out. It's amazing how bad I look in comparison. Dark, dark circles around my eyes, drawn face. Cool thing is, if you cut back, or quit using your DOC, a lot of those "features' will fade away.
The concealer will help in the meantime. My ex-girl used to slather it on my track marks.
What do you mean by scarring around your eyes? Do you just mean dark circles? Or actual scars, as in similar to a healed cut? I'm just unclear on if you're dealing with something a little more severe than dark circles.
Regardless, sometimes it's hard to see it when you're at a low point, but you'll be OK.
I used to be paralyzingly shy. To the point where approaching and talking to a stranger seemed impossible. I tried to fix the "problem" with alcohol, recreational drugs, prescribed drugs, anything.
What ended up working, is I decided that I was never gonna get anywhere with the mindset I had, and I decided to stop caring so much about what people thought. There's so many potential friends/significant others out there. If you make a run at one of them, and they brush you off, fuck them. They probably weren't worth it anyway. Eventually, if you carry yourself with confidence, you'll find the friends or girl you've been looking for.
As others have said, a huge part of positive interaction is based in the energy that you're putting out. Even the way you initially look at people. If you're dreading your first eye contact with someone, it's probably gonna come across in how you look at them. They may then misinterpret your expression as one of disinterest, disgust, etc. Chances are they'll then return that look.
I obviously don't know if that's what you're doing when you've gotten dirty looks. More than anything, my point is that miscommunication is actually responsible for a lot of the supposedly bad social interactions that take place. I'm with a lot of the other posters in saying, I doubt your looks are near as bad an issue as you believe they are.
Reading your posts has been killing me inside, cause I know what it's like to feel like an outcast. Some people come into their own a little later than others. Things will end up alright. Keep developing a positive mindset and you'll be amazed at the difference it can make. Good luck.
 
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^ I always called my dark circles scars because they were always there. They went away a few months after quitting though.
 
jazz hands said:
^ I always called my dark circles scars because they were always there. They went away a few months after quitting though.
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Hmmm. I guess that makes sense. Mine fade after a few weeks, usually. Sometimes it takes forever to put the weight back on.
 
Back to the drawing board - looked in the mirror and was horrified with my features, its not simply the dark circles, my face seems swollen my features are cartoonish - my own caricature. Im coming to terms with it now - my parents are even beginning to comment on my appearance. Apparently I look disgusting, something which my dad let slip when his guard was down. Im ugly. Genuinely ugly. I just have to learn to live with it. No idea how and damn it hurts. Few days ago I just happened to see myself in good lighting/from a pleasing angle and for the rest of the day I was on cloud nine haha I felt motivated in charge in control - I even felt ready to jack in the opiates. Basically my personality did a 180. Now im ugly again and I want nothing more than to just sleep and never wake up, im the old lethargic person - dead.

It all comes down to loving myself and I just cant no matter how hard I try and dammit its literally over something as seemingly trivial as my looks. I see why my life has been so difficult, why i've always felt isolated like I dont belong. I used to change my personality like you'd change clothes in order to fit in. I literally had a personality transplant between high school and uni for instance, just because I assumed that the reason I was being treated like a freak was because I acted like one. Turns out that no matter who I become my face just totals everything. Only thing I can think of is surgery to be perfectly honest, and im actually considering it with all sincerity. A simple procedure could actually transform my life - I know because I remember how things used to be before I gave a damn about my appearance. Im flatlining when you compare me to that person. I loved myself loved life implicitly - now im floating in limbo.

Im a physical train wreck on the same level as the elephant man so unless I decide to undergo extensive surgery im going to have to live with having to go around dressed like a complete twat in cap and sunglasses - my way of making the best out of a bad situation. The alternative is far far worse than a few people thinking im a little odd.

I cant see this all going anywhere even though im genuinely moved by all the support ive received. Any more and i'll feel like an attention whore to be honest. Not sure whether the thread can offer up anything else unless someone wants to contribute their own personal story so we can run with that instead.
 
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95Land said:
Drugs do take a serious toll, looks-wise. I was looking at some pictures of myself from a few years ago.
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Very true, i had a look back through some older pics of me when i used to go on pre-ban mephedrone binges too often... and i was all puffy and bloated, so much for stims making me lose weight. guess it was due to over eating on the comedowns, used to get awful fatigue etc, think my body was over compensating for it and was hungry all the time
 
I wonder if hypnosis would be an option. Rachmaninov couldnt compose after the second world war and hypnosis brought him back with a fanfare to the tune of the second piano concerto. Hypnosis can rewire thinking processes.

My problem isnt other people's reactions to me, its my inability to cope with people's reactions. My getting a degree or even a job are not 100 percent dependant on my looks. Of course both things would be a damn sight easier if I werent so hideous - but - if I could get over this hypersensitivity to people's response, the effect on my life would be as drastic if not more drastic than plastic surgery. In fact my looks would likely improve just through my carrying myself with my old air of confidence. That confidence radiates from you and convinces the people around you that you have something to be confident about. Carry yourself like a king and people will be far more likely to treat you like one.
 
everyone is beautiful. there isn't a single ugly person on this planet, be it for any reason it doesn't have to be an external beauty but there is beauty inside. i think that modern society is extremely biased and judgemental as they see all these celebrities that have had numerous operations, airbrushing and photoshopping done in order to make them look better and we see that as "good looking". have you actually had a look at what these so called "supermodels" looked like before or as a child? megan fox for example has been digitally edited to the point where its just ridiculous now. i have always been of the opinion to never judge a book by its cover. when people look at you in a certain way embrace it and realize that it is not you who is ugly but rather them for being so shallow minded. i have been called every possible name, had abuse hurled at me, you name it ive been called it and it was so hard to cope with especially as a kid i was overweight and would be seen as the "fat weird ugly kid" whenever i talked to a girl (which was rarely) i was embarrassed about my looks and i suppose through the bullying i used to get i turned to drugs to handle it but it was the wrong move. instead of having a relationship with people i had a relationship with drugs who i love dearly and will forever haunt my life. remember that the drugs don't love you back. they are simply abusing you as you are abusing them, i have a saying "you can never expect anything you abuse to not abuse you back" and as this is 100% true of drugs. there are people out there intent on making other peoples lives hell, but have a look at those people. are they really happy? are these so called "perfect" people happy? i have always had an extremely low self-esteem and confidence. i'll look in the mirror for hours and see myself thinking im disgusting and that nobody will ever see me as attractive. but i'm so wrong. and i know i'm wrong. you are beautiful. you always will be no matter what anyone says.

"nobody can go back and start a new begining, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" - my two cents.
 
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synthetix said:
everyone is beautiful. there isn't a single ugly person on this planet, be it for any reason it doesn't have to be an external beauty but there is beauty inside. i think that modern society is extremely biased and judgemental as they see all these celebrities that have had numerous operations, airbrushing and photoshopping done in order to make them look better and we see that as "good looking". have you actually had a look at what these so called "supermodels" looked like before or as a child? megan fox for example has been digitally edited to the point where its just ridiculous now. i have always been of the opinion to never judge a book by its cover. when people look at you in a certain way embrace it and realize that it is not you who is ugly but rather them for being so shallow minded. i used to feel like this too, i would have no self confidence and think that i was ugly. then i woke up.
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Thankyou but you dont have any idea what I look like - if you did your advice might be different. Ugliness is an imaginary concept, but millions of people believe in the delusion so living amongst them is painful if you dont have a thick enough skin.
 
i honestly feel your pain. its plagued me for a very long time. you need to take a grip of yourself and realize that you aren't ugly. i don't need a picture of you to see that you clearly have a big heart. like i said the real beauty is inside of you. external features are irrelevant - you need to find people who understand the concept of reality. my advice would be no different if i saw a picture of you or not.

i remember kissing a girl when i was 15, and was continually told she and i were the ugly couple and that she was absolutely hideous along with me. i talked to her a lot and over the space of 3 years formed a not in person type of relationship with because i was scared of the comments i would get to be with her. oh what a fool ive been, she was perfect for me and she was absolutely beautiful. she recently commited suicide. i will never forgive myself for what i did. i suppose it took this to shake me and make me realize what a disgusting world we live in. people have no soul or compassion nowadays and instead of ignoring the comments i took them too seriously. i loved her with all my heart but could never bring myself round to admitting it because i was scared. i will never find another girl who genuinely loved me for who i am so much.

oh and once she was dead everyone said she was beautiful. strange isnt it.

never give up. never accept their pathetic comments. you are not ugly.
 
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If you care so much about how you look then you have 2 options. Either learn to deal with it, or do something about it. I guarantee you if you quit doing drugs and started going to the gym 5x a week, you would hardly recognize yourself in a year.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that you are young, alive, living in a first world country, and able bodied. 99.999% of people that have ever lived never had it that good, or dont have it anymore because they're either old and decrepit, born in Africa where they battled starvation and disease and died at age 5, or dead. Thousands of generations of your ancestors have reproduced without fail to create you, and the genetic material that you posses. There is something special and unique about that regardless of of how ugly you perceive yourself to be.
 
couldnt agree more with ^

drugs change your perception on the world. getting clean will bring back your confidence slowly and surely and exercise helps x100000000
 
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