Bucklecroft Rudy
Bluelighter
So... as you may have inferred by the title I haven't been fortunate in the looks department lol. I used to be a beautiful little kid actually but somewhere down the line something went wrong and my features sort of look....wrong. I've been told it a milllion times and i'll admit it hurts every time, but worst of all is the looks I get as I walk down the street, purposeful social exclusion etc. Being ugly you really see how much average-attractive people take their looks for granted. Everything is 10x harder, not that im self pitying (done all that haha) but just to leave the house takes herculean amounts of courage.
Im 20 and my life has pretty much been fucked over by my face. From my dropping out of uni to my addiction. Ive got somewhat of a reputation in the local community as a bit of a freakshow since i'm mostly housebound, add to that my meltdowns which I imagine are audible for miles around and the problem is only compounded. Worst of all is the fact that I havent had any action at all. Of course of got a man sized libido but i've had to really fight to repress it/divert it and I suppose ive succeeded. Man it depresses me to fuck when I see hot girls or couples, and in the end I always end up reutrning to my little room.
Im pretty much a failure. My folks hate me because im...me lol. I dont bother socialising because the whole social hierarchy just makes matters worse. Man I feel like a prisoner in my own body. Suicide has crossed my mind countless times, but ive got this residual belief in God which stops me. Countless times i've considered that this might be hell or purgatory and the pain gets so bad sometimes that I dont even need to convince myself. And it all comes down to the way I look.
Sounds pathetic I know, but I never had any problems with life before I realised that I was ugly. Before, I was dimly aware that I wasnt attractive but ugly? That was a word I associated with disfigurement quasimodo etc, turns out im in the same league by the world's estimation. If I were good looking i'd take the world by storm, but as it is i'm just too beaten down by it all to care about.. well anything.
Anyways rant over, guess I needed to vent. The original question I had was how do you guys cope with being ugly? You can answer hypothetically too lol. I think its an interesting question since physical attractiveness is a necessary prerequisite for a lot in society.
Im 20 and my life has pretty much been fucked over by my face. From my dropping out of uni to my addiction. Ive got somewhat of a reputation in the local community as a bit of a freakshow since i'm mostly housebound, add to that my meltdowns which I imagine are audible for miles around and the problem is only compounded. Worst of all is the fact that I havent had any action at all. Of course of got a man sized libido but i've had to really fight to repress it/divert it and I suppose ive succeeded. Man it depresses me to fuck when I see hot girls or couples, and in the end I always end up reutrning to my little room.
Im pretty much a failure. My folks hate me because im...me lol. I dont bother socialising because the whole social hierarchy just makes matters worse. Man I feel like a prisoner in my own body. Suicide has crossed my mind countless times, but ive got this residual belief in God which stops me. Countless times i've considered that this might be hell or purgatory and the pain gets so bad sometimes that I dont even need to convince myself. And it all comes down to the way I look.
Sounds pathetic I know, but I never had any problems with life before I realised that I was ugly. Before, I was dimly aware that I wasnt attractive but ugly? That was a word I associated with disfigurement quasimodo etc, turns out im in the same league by the world's estimation. If I were good looking i'd take the world by storm, but as it is i'm just too beaten down by it all to care about.. well anything.
Anyways rant over, guess I needed to vent. The original question I had was how do you guys cope with being ugly? You can answer hypothetically too lol. I think its an interesting question since physical attractiveness is a necessary prerequisite for a lot in society.