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Coping with the ugly stick

Bucklecroft Rudy

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 6, 2011
Messages
466
Location
spaced mountain
So... as you may have inferred by the title I haven't been fortunate in the looks department lol. I used to be a beautiful little kid actually but somewhere down the line something went wrong and my features sort of look....wrong. I've been told it a milllion times and i'll admit it hurts every time, but worst of all is the looks I get as I walk down the street, purposeful social exclusion etc. Being ugly you really see how much average-attractive people take their looks for granted. Everything is 10x harder, not that im self pitying (done all that haha) but just to leave the house takes herculean amounts of courage.

Im 20 and my life has pretty much been fucked over by my face. From my dropping out of uni to my addiction. Ive got somewhat of a reputation in the local community as a bit of a freakshow since i'm mostly housebound, add to that my meltdowns which I imagine are audible for miles around and the problem is only compounded. Worst of all is the fact that I havent had any action at all. Of course of got a man sized libido but i've had to really fight to repress it/divert it and I suppose ive succeeded. Man it depresses me to fuck when I see hot girls or couples, and in the end I always end up reutrning to my little room.

Im pretty much a failure. My folks hate me because im...me lol. I dont bother socialising because the whole social hierarchy just makes matters worse. Man I feel like a prisoner in my own body. Suicide has crossed my mind countless times, but ive got this residual belief in God which stops me. Countless times i've considered that this might be hell or purgatory and the pain gets so bad sometimes that I dont even need to convince myself. And it all comes down to the way I look.

Sounds pathetic I know, but I never had any problems with life before I realised that I was ugly. Before, I was dimly aware that I wasnt attractive but ugly? That was a word I associated with disfigurement quasimodo etc, turns out im in the same league by the world's estimation. If I were good looking i'd take the world by storm, but as it is i'm just too beaten down by it all to care about.. well anything.

Anyways rant over, guess I needed to vent. The original question I had was how do you guys cope with being ugly? You can answer hypothetically too lol. I think its an interesting question since physical attractiveness is a necessary prerequisite for a lot in society.
 
When did you start perceiving yourself as an 'ugly' person? Was there any clear trigger to that perception? Sometimes we assume that people see us in a certain way, but our own feelings are deeply influenced by the way we perceive ourselves, and in the end, we realize that we were misguided all along...
 
When I was tripping I came to the realization that I was just so... glad to be me. It was humbling to think that all it would take was one amino acid different and I would be a completely different person, dumber, less attractive, shorter, disfigured, etc.

To you, OP, I send my condolences. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I'm sorry.
 
It started during my year at uni when I was about 19. Went to Liverpool uni UK and its pretty much a student city. I had alot of exposure to alot of people and I started to see the signs. Ended up retreating into myself smoking ridiculous amounts of weed and bombing out towards the end. Was a disaster. Got worse after that. Ive been called ugly to my face, seen folk looking at me as if i'm something straight out of star trek you know the score. I could go on and on and on with examples but that'll only bring me dooown.

Cheers blind guy man means alot. Tbh I would love to trip but obviously given my sedentary nature I cant access any drugs. I have a dealer who'se like a portal into the drug world. He can get pretty much anything, but serotenergic drugs dont do jack for me since my experiments with mdma. Since all the psychadelics worth trying are serotenergic there doesnt seem to be any point. I may have a go in a few months though to see if there isnt some downregulation at play.
 
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That must feel terrible. I feel sorry for you. But what are those 'signs' you are talking about? I don't mean to be disrespectful by asking that much information, it's just that sometimes we interpret things as 'signs' even though they don't mean much to anyone else. When you say that people look at you as if you were something straight out of Star Trek, do you mean that people look afraid? Do they look disgusted? What do they say that hurts you so much? And who are they, are they people that really matter to you or not?
 
Well theres been loadsa times where ive seen girls (fairly hot ones too) do the lip curl thing. Then there are the looks in the street I get from folks. The other things are specific incidents actually being called ugly/freak etc Theres been times where photos have been taken and my face has been cut out lol Most of my friends seem ashamed of me too haha. Interestingly enough though my dealer actually wanted me around him because I "looked good" haha purely because he reckoned it reflected well on him. I suspect however that it was more a case that I made him look good by contrast. People seem to lack empathy for me too which is pretty scary. Like at uni folk could see my world was falling apart but they didnt give a fuck and in many cases made it worse. My social group literally froze me out completely which did alot for my confidence lol

I mean my personality is enough to get me girls. I've had girls come onto me who I would have wet dreams about lol, and I can only asssume its on the basis of my irresistibly magnetic charisma and intelligence lol. I'll admit drug use has fucked my appearance up alot. Ive got scarring around my eyes and shit from use which I dont imagine has improved my looks. Drugs do make you ugly lol.

When it comes down to it I dont actually care. I tend to wear a basecall cap and aviators in public haha so my face is pretty much concealed anyway. However sometimes bang it hits me between the eyes and I end up retreating into myself for months on end as I am now.
Ive got to go to formal events tomorrow so off come the cap and glasses. Dont know how the fuck im going to handle it all as im used to being able to hide so to speak
 
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i'm not ugly but if i was i'd surround myself with true friends who didn't judge me on looks.
 
IMO, get your mind straight, and your face will follow. Any person looks better if they're healthy and radiant. Likewise, a normally good looking person looks rough if they're unhealthy in some way.
 
luckily ur a guy so it doesn't matter if ur ugly or not, most guys don't care if there friend is ugly or not, and iv seen tons of girls with ugly guys, as long as they have personalty and confidence.
 
luckily ur a guy so it doesn't matter if ur ugly or not, most guys don't care if there friend is ugly or not, and iv seen tons of girls with ugly guys, as long as they have personalty and confidence.

exactly. this couple came to mind.

also, it sounds like a lot of your problem comes from the social anxiety of isolation/weed. i'm not saying it would make your problems go away, but i can't see them getting any better if you stay a stoned shut-in.
 
No such thing as an "attractive person" they're merely individuals who take time to fine-tweak their looks everyday.

As a guy you can:

A) Lose weight
B) Get a tan
C) Moisturize your skin to make it look smooth
D) Pluck your eyebrows
E) Wear a very light amount of concealer around trouble spots (Like dark circles under the eyes. Random splotches)
F) Get an attractive haircut. Look at these "attractive people" most of their hair sucks. Show them up with something fresh.
G) Whiten your teeth
H) Build a frame of muscle
I) Wear cologne or put a small amount of deoderant on the outside of your shirt.
J) Take up a hobby in which occupies your time so much: (That you really don't give a fuck what people think. Mine just so happens to be working out, playing violin and writing.)
K) Wear fashionable clothing that reflects on the kind of person you want to be. You may want to be a typical bro and wear fancy-graphic t-shirts. You may want to be a bit classier and wear a tailored button-up shirt. Either is socially acceptable and will win you points.



Guys truthfully rely on their genetics to make them attractive, and it's funny. I don't. I am ugly without most of the steps above. I came from a family where the looks department is completely unimportant, and the only important things in life were school and work to my parents.

I did not lose my virginity until I was 19 years old, because I lacked the confidence to ask a girl out. I felt like I was so ugly until I started really focusing on my looks rather than spending each day inside playing video games. It is painful (nothing is pleasant about changing your lifestyle) and I have gotten harsh criticism, but in the end it will pay off.
 
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They could be reacting not to your looks, but to your mannerisms. People are like pit bulls. They smell fear and pounce on the awkward.
Don't count yourself out. I personally have dated a fair amount of guys the world would consider unattractive, but that whole 'inner beauty' crap has a basis in truth- a person does become more attractive as you know them.
Also, I was an ugly child. Somewhere around my late teens, I'd notice people staring at me. It took me a couple years to figure out why, but it certainly wasn't cause I was ugly. lol.
Your perception of yourself may well be totally off.
 
I am really wanting to see a picture of you, only to prove my inkling that you're seriously over reacting.

There are so many other things to do in the world, and so many things that you have to give as a human being - and you're wasting you're life worrying about what other people think? It just sounds so unfortunate. I am a person who has always suffered from terrible self-esteem. A serious perfectionist, I could always lose lbs here, be tanner, whiter teeth, blah blah blah - but at the end of the day, I really and frankly don't give a fuck. I am a good person who has many friends who care about me deeply, weather or not I gained 25 lbs this year, or have a face full of acne, or whatever it may be.

I hated it when my mom told me this, but she would always just shake her head and say, "count your blessings, not your sorrows." It sounds so irritating and it's probably because it's true. You should be thankful that you weren't born with no arms or legs. Or have terminal cancer. Or had your family murdered by a serial killer. Or a shit ton of other stuff that is a hell of a lot worse than being at the wrong end of the gene pool.

From your writing, you seem like an interesting, articulate and smart person. Let your personality shine through. Something I like to do - even when I have terrible social anxiety (which is all the time) I like to pretend - "act as if." Act as if you have a 10 inch dick. Act as if you're the president of the world. Even if I walk into a room and I'm thinking "oh god everybody here thinks I'm fat, oh fuck I wore the wrong shirt, oh no are they looking at my fat ass? oh I should have put more concealer on these pimples..." to hell with all that. I walk in with my head held high and say "fuck em if they don't like me." And on that note, who wants friends that judge you by looks anyways? Not me.
 
The "scarring" around your eyes from drug use does go away after you quit... I had the worst circles I've ever seen on anyone at one point, but they're almost completely gone now. This is the kind of stuff from your mind that is reflected in your appearance.
 
It started during my year at uni when I was about 19. Went to Liverpool uni UK and its pretty much a student city. I had alot of exposure to alot of people and I started to see the signs. Ended up retreating into myself smoking ridiculous amounts of weed and bombing out towards the end. Was a disaster. Got worse after that. Ive been called ugly to my face, seen folk looking at me as if i'm something straight out of star trek you know the score. I could go on and on and on with examples but that'll only bring me dooown.

Cheers blind guy man means alot. Tbh I would love to trip but obviously given my sedentary nature I cant access any drugs. I have a dealer who'se like a portal into the drug world. He can get pretty much anything, but serotenergic drugs dont do jack for me since my experiments with mdma. Since all the psychadelics worth trying are serotenergic there doesnt seem to be any point. I may have a go in a few months though to see if there isnt some downregulation at play.

dunno man..you could just be being paranoid coz you're not smiling and people are looking at you...you're not feeling confident in yourself so you think they must think you're ugly.

Who do you look like??
 
Theres no way you're as ugly as you perceive yourself to be, and people are attracted to confidence so it doesn't sound like you're helping yourself in that regard. Look at people like Mike Myers and Kathy Bates, both ugly people yet they are good actors and people tend not to see their physical ugliness because they portray confidence.

Your biggest enemy is the way you perceive yourself.
 
You are all 100percent right. Responses have been absolutely first fuckin rate I really appreciate it :-) My problem with my looks is taking over my life, its literally becoming a disability. For years I havent even sought any help from therapists because the last thing I wanted to do was to draw attention to my looks - was probably afraid of the awkward silence which I believed would follow.
Irony in this is that I make myself look "ugly" by carrying myself in a way that makes me seem "off" somehow. My plan is to get to the stage where my self image is self generated not dependent on others' opinions. I have to start looking after myself too. There was a time when girls were into me. Were I not so caught up in my vanity I could have had a pretty decent sex life but I just couldnt believe that attractive girls would see me as boyfriend material- in that respect I fucked myself over. Itll be painful but I reckon i'll come out of this with skin six inches thick.
 
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