Coping with my girlfriends past and mine - I need help

[Edvard Munch]

You probably should seek therapy.

 

[$ublimaze]

Sorry, its a nice story and all, but I foresee plenty more problems ahead. Your issues haven't all been assuaged by this exchange. You need to find peace & security within, you can't rely on her to provide it on a week by week basis, it will tear you both apart. And I think your two ages are relevant in this tale. good luck with it all though

Im working on it man. Its been getting better. Even in the past 4 days, I have been getting better. I guess our age is a factor, but I could be dating someone 29 or whatever who has been way more lascivious than her. She has only been with 6 guys since she was 23. Thats what the joke about all this is. Shes been a pretty vanilla girl.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Im afraid counselling will just make me think about this shit even more

That's unfortunate at first, but you cannot get over it, unless you get some kinda CBT/cognitive psychotherapy/counselling sessions in order to make sense of it all, so you can then let go of it's hold on you.

Attachment.

I am sure you are afraid -admitting that is a big step, now take a small next ste and find someone you could relate to or at least feel safe talking deep personal shit with.

Seek the words of the Dalai Lama too - very calming and maybe even look into doing yoga.

Peace

 

[Busty St Clare]

Her ex may be an ugly creep but you sound like a controlling arse hat with anger issuers and a selfish sense of self importance. So what if she has been in a relationship as wonderful as this before? Like it or nor she probably sucked his dick while looking deep into his eyes and telling him he was the best he ever had.

Wanting her to never have face to face contact with her ex is selfish and unfair on her son. Even if they do not love each other it is important that the child sees his parents at least as friends. By denying him this small token of hope you are hurting him almost as much as seeing his parents fight every day. For what? So you can feel better about your own hang ups? You have bigger issues than you can even understand at this moment.

 

[$ublimaze]

Her ex may be an ugly creep but you sound like a controlling arse hat with anger issuers and a selfish sense of self importance. So what if she has been in a relationship as wonderful as this before? Like it or nor she probably sucked his dick while looking deep into his eyes and telling him he was the best he ever had.

Wanting her to never have face to face contact with her ex is selfish and unfair on her son. Even if they do not love each other it is important that the child sees his parents at least as friends. By denying him this small token of hope you are hurting him almost as much as seeing his parents fight every day. For what? So you can feel better about your own hang ups? You have bigger issues than you can even understand at this moment.

As soon as I saw your name had posted here I knew I was in for a treat. You sir are a flaming moron and your posts most often reflect this.

You know what it is Busty? There is nothing constructive about what you wrote there. Everything you just said is pointless and speculation and inflammatory. The fact is, I am a great man and treat my woman like a goddess. We all have issues.

and I aint denying her shit you idiot. Its her choice. You have no clue what your talking about so keep your judgement to your self. And your a cunt for trying to instigate me. please dont post here anymore. Go back to arguing how an uncircumcised penis looks like a chewed up piece of gum.

 

[Busty St Clare]

Ask your step son at age 15 how constructive my post is.

 

[$ublimaze]

Buddy it aint my fault his father is such a horrid person that it causes my girlfriend trauma everytime she sees him now. It aint my fault he decided to make up a bunch of lies about us and bring us to family court only to get shot down like a fucking retard. The damage has been done. You know how hard family court is?

Whats worse than his parents never seeing eachother is the animosity and obvious hatred in the air everytime they exchange the kid, but you would know that if you had have asked instead of just assuming things. And I am not a control freak. I'm learning how to be mindful enough to not direct my insecurities and negative emotions onto my girl. . Theres a reason why she is butter in my hands and it sure as hell aint fear.

enough please.

 

[Busty St Clare]

.

Because I cant let go, sometimes I accidently hurt my girlfriend. For instance, today, we were talking and I got a hint that she wasn't working fast enough or spot on enough to defend herself in court and move toward an access center for drop off and pick ups and I yelled at her.

Did my post make you want to reach through your computer and punch me?

Right there is part of your problem.

 

[$ublimaze]

Yes so I am traumatized because family court is fucking hell and I had to stand by her every step of the way and stand up in court listening to the most absurd accusations and watch as my girl was humiliated. Please... Show me a person who doesn't experience emotions like this from time to time and I'll show you a liar.

Yes I did want to punch you. Only because I have seen some of your other posts and ascertained that you often say things just to instigate people. I found your post disrespectful, full of assumptions, and inflammatory.

Doesnt seem very weird to me that if one guy tells another guy that his partner looked her ex in the eye while sucking him off and told him hes the greatest ever that such a comment would invoke a fight. Some how I dont think you would like it.

 

[$ublimaze]

That's unfortunate at first, but you cannot get over it, unless you get some kinda CBT/cognitive psychotherapy/counselling sessions in order to make sense of it all, so you can then let go of it's hold on you.

Attachment.

I am sure you are afraid -admitting that is a big step, now take a small next ste and find someone you could relate to or at least feel safe talking deep personal shit with.

Seek the words of the Dalai Lama too - very calming and maybe even look into doing yoga.

Peace

My favourite reads are the Dhammapada and the tao te ching. Allan watts has some really great lectures on youtube as well

 

[Busty St Clare]

Do you want to hear what I think or do you want to hear "It's ok, it's normal to be a psycho control freak with anger issues"?

Most people here agree that you need serious counselling yet you brush it off because it is too hard. Fine, that's your choice, but don't expect me to sugar coat what I see when I read your posts. I don't doubt you love your partner and her kid, and it's probably better that you are sane enough to realise you might have a problem by starting this thread. However at some stage you do have to face up to the fact you are not behaving like a normal member of society. It is not normal to look at strangers as some low life threat just because you were traumatised as a child. You sound like an immature teenager when you stress about the sexual past of your girlfriend. You are dating a 40 yr old, who from what I can gather has probably lived a life far from a sheltered nun's existence. Good luck finding any one over 30 who hasn't sucked a cock, and guys being guys all love to hear that they are the best and that their dick tastes like xmas. You can either let it eat you up inside and stoke the already crazy fires or you face the reality that the past is the past and no one can change that.

It is also a smart move to mend things with her ex for the sake of the kid.

 

[$ublimaze]

Man maybe your not so bad, but like really do you just not read my posts? Have I said its ok to be a "psycho control freak with anger issues?" I don't know if its possible but maybe you can learn a thing or 2 here lol

Most people here agree that you need serious counselling yet you brush it off because it is too hard.

I am not cancelling out counselling. Counselling did a great deal of good for my mom. I grew up in counselling.

Fine, that's your choice, but don't expect me to sugar coat what I see when I read your posts.

I don't expect you to sugar coat anything, I've come to expect outrageous assumptions from you. I just don't like it when you are rude. I actually appreciate truth and forwardness.

I don't doubt you love your partner and her kid, and it's probably better that you are sane enough to realise you might have a problem by starting this thread. However at some stage you do have to face up to the fact you are not behaving like a normal member of society.

A normal member of society? Really?? It reminds me of how you said that you helped your son get more blowjobs from circumcision, because thats the normal society thing to do. In actuality though its utterly false. It just sounds good, but it doesn't make any sense. Really have you not noticed that even the normal members of society are seriously fucked up? This culture has been founded on male centrism and so how do you suppose that acting like a control freak towards women isnt a normal thing that happens in society? Regardless, I am actually very sweet and compromising with my girlfriend. Sure sometimes I steer the ship this way or that way, but she likes it, and if she doesnt like the way I'm steering the ship, shell moan about it and thats when I acknowledge her.

It is not normal to look at strangers as some low life threat just because you were traumatised as a child.

Your assuming that I look at strangers that way. No I dont. I look at people who I have seen the actions of. I'm actually a very friendly person.
My friends all love me, think im really nice. People on the street think im nice. I talk to hobos all the time. I go to community centers, whatever.
I'm not really anti social like that. I simply don't feel empathy for people who hurt my loved ones. That is a very very very small amount of people.

You sound like an immature teenager when you stress about the sexual past of your girlfriend.

Its actually a pretty common thing to have some stress about partners pasts. It probably does sound like a teenager, but its not that I am a teenager, its that I am hurt. So if that stunted my growth, then so be it, but I am dealing with my problems.

You are dating a 40 yr old, who from what I can gather has probably lived a life far from a sheltered nun's existence. Good luck finding any one over 30 who hasn't sucked a cock, and guys being guys all love to hear that they are the best and that their dick tastes like xmas. You can either let it eat you up inside and stoke the already crazy fires or you face the reality that the past is the past and no one can change that.

Thats the thing, she wasnt even the type of girl to jump around and do all sorts of freaky things. Thats something I have always like about her. She knows how I am hurt because sometimes things trigger me and I start crying, and it all comes out. Shes compassionate towards me. She is a good girl.

I am not stoking the fires anymore man. I been putting them out. Its too much fucking nonsense.

It is also a smart move to mend things with her ex for the sake of the kid.

I don't even know what to say to you. You just don't listen. The parents can not be friends. They hate each-other. What part about that do you not get? When people are incompatible and have history of abuse they can not be friends. It would not help the child that his mother is fucked up because she is being hurt from being around shithead. You obviously have never been to family court.

 

[Busty St Clare]

I hate my ex wife too for a myriad of reasons that would give any man enough of an excuse to want to string her up and make her cry. But believe it or not I actually swallow my pride and make sure that I am civil to her especially in front of my kids. My girlfriend doesn't understand how I can seemingly ignore the hurt I have suffered over the years and still allow the women to have xmas lunch with us or not bite back when she bad mouths me to my family and friends. To me she isn't worth it, the important thing is that my kids grow up not only respecting me but also respecting their mother. They can make their own minds up when they are adults but until then they shouldn't have to doubt that they have great parents. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's what you have to do as a parent. I don't shout at them that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy either, despite knowing better.

As for my views on circumcision , you obviously take things on the internet far too seriously. There are countless threads on the issue scattered throughout this site and after many years of smarter members than you and I arguing, I have come to the conclusion that there are two sides to the debate and they both think they are right. Unfortunately the other side doesn't agree. Rinse and repeat. The same exists for Fluoride, hash vs weed, natural vs fake titties, eventually you learn to debate for the sake of debating and realise that none of any ones views are going to change on the matter either way. I have yet to meet someone suddenly say, "I am wrong and you are correct". Learn to lighten up a bit and maybe it will flow onto other areas of your life.

Then again maybe you might go postal, I'm not a professional on the topic.

 

[$ublimaze]

It isnt just about pride bro. Thats great that you can have that relationship with your ex, but that doesnt mean its for everybody. I am not gonna go postal man. I am too smart. Canada is not the place to go postal. Sure if I lived in pakistan or something it might be different.

 

[gr33n3y3z]

I was too in a similar situation, me im 24 and my other half is 34 he has a 7 year old and yea I have to deal with the nasty cunt he fucked, and it took me a while to get over his past. But u should understand the past is the past. Yes it still hurts. Everyone has a past that you can't change or do nothing about it, the way I learned to deal with it was to basically just deal. I to have a past I was in a abusive relationship this sick fuck who stabbed me and, abused me, yes i too was raped when I was 16 years old and had my nose broken. But what im trying to say is everyone has a past no one is perfect. But now I have a beautiful outlook in life with a wonderful son. You shouldn't dwell on her past its not your fault love her and show here what life is all about not just the bad but the beauty too.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

As soon as I saw your name had posted here I knew I was in for a treat. You sir are a flaming moron and your posts most often reflect this.

You know what it is Busty? There is nothing constructive about what you wrote there. Everything you just said is pointless and speculation and inflammatory. The fact is, I am a great man and treat my woman like a goddess. We all have issues.

and I aint denying her shit you idiot. Its her choice. You have no clue what your talking about so keep your judgement to your self. And your a cunt for trying to instigate me. please dont post here anymore. Go back to arguing how an uncircumcised penis looks like a chewed up piece of gum.

Dude if you got off your defensive and actually breathed while reading his post you would see that he is pointing out you have big anger issues (for starters), and he was being constructive by saying the kid needs his father - simple fact (but only if the father, who cares if he's ugly, can stand up to the challenge)...the rest was inflammatory for a reason and you rose to the challenge - indicating your issues all the more.

Seek help in channeling your energy and rage into something useful, while taking steps to eradicate it as quickly as possible!