somnilicious
Bluelighter
For whatever reason - probably something to do with how my brain is wired - in the entire time ive had an addiction to heroin (10 years +) I've done nothing shameful or which I regret as a result of drug cravings, withdrawal or my attempts to acquire more heroin. This includes never lying or stealing to feed my habit. When I've run out of smack and started to cluck, I've always accepted my situation and resigned myself to the pain of cold turkey.
I'm not trying to portray myself as some sort of saint... I've lied and misled plenty to hide my habit from my girlfriend and friends. I've just never considered drug cravings justification enough to scheme and go against my principles to acquire drugs.
My actions and behaviour under the influence of alcohol however, is an entirely different story. I'm not a pleasant drunk and have a strong propensity to alcohol misuse and dependence. There are many shameful things I've done whilst drunk.
In fact, it was because I hated how alcohol affected my personality that I turned to heroin. Drunk me was a disgusting, aggressive and obnoxious person, but on heroin I am usually pleasant, considerate and interesting company.
I believe there's a genetic / hereditary factor to how alcohol affects me: my father, his brothers and male cousins are all similarly negatively influenced by alcohol and are all susceptible to alcoholism.
I stole and lied in the first few yrs of my addiction but once the fear and surprise of addiction subsided. I soon started to handle things the same way by just accepting that I was sick and this was what it was.