yeah.. i managed to keep pretty cool in the psychward. i have a total flight response and don't really hit people, so i'm pretty good.. like i have this thing when i'm tripped out where i totally want to avoid contact and will move to the corner of a room or whatever to get my own space. i get scared in a way... but a couple times i like randomly growled and kind of got into a trance for a second when in my own space cause of anxiety and just being generally super pissed off at the situation.. it only happened a couple times... i yelled for a quick second one time after going on this few minute spiel about my faith and how i didn't believe in these drugs for the people that were there when i was in the room by myself out the door at the staff.. in my head i was like "i know they are going to drug me", so i couldn't stay cool. i think if i didn't freak out, they might've let me out with out medicating me.
i remember i was in the psychwrad for a week one time before and i was just super hyper active and happy the whole time. they let me have a hand held radio and i did kareoke like adam sandler or tenacious d to the rock station like way too much for me to understand not being drugged.. there was this big hall way and i was spending time flicking chekers off a table and then running down the hall way trying to collect all the checkers as fast as possible. then i was like crying out of my mind at other moments.. that hospital was pretty weird. like i was nice to the staff the whole time and could make sense to them that i was just bored and trying to recover from being anxious... i didn't really harrass any body and kept to myself.. but idk. i was acting pretty weird. i think some doctors might've drugged me with how i was acting.