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Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v. 9

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I think I will be emotionally normal soon. I just want my sexuality back. It's like I feel something kicking to get out, but it's trapped and suppressed. My groin very clearly isn't numb anymore, it never is. Very blunted sensation usually, but it feels like the rest of my skin.

I want everyone reading this to know you CAN get your intelligence back, you CAN get your emotions back. Even if not all of it, you can get 90%. I felt like I was faking emotions a lot, just trying to feel something. If you do that naturally, you're on the right track. If you have no thoughts, just try to think. Narrate what you are doing yourself, even if you have to do it out loud.

My hormone test looks like I'm trying to ovulate, but I am slow to, since I didn't ovulate yet at the time of the test and I was past day 14. I don't know if something is wrong with my estrogen or not. There is nothing wrong with my egg supply as far as I know. Last I knew, I probably have more eggs than other people my age. I hope it stays that way. My FSH goes up and down like it should. Metformin lowered my testasterone and A1C like it should, and I only need 500mg a day. Testasterone is in the normal range, but I still want it to be high again some day for gender reasons. It dropped my A1C a whole point and it's out of the borderline prediabetic range. They wanted me to do 1000 but I just don't need that much medication. More than that could be detrimental to my hormonal profile, even. My cycle could be normal in a couple more months. It's probably taking longer because I'm taking less than most people.
 
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feeling 70% mentally recovered, around the same physically. able to watch movies, enjoy games, dance to music and laugh a lot. still some flu like symptoms such as wheezing, coughing and nasal congestion, though. it'll be four months on february 11th. i'm surprised i'm doing well so early, but i did only have one shot / half a loading dose. considering buying a PS3 tomorrow to play some older nostalgic games. 🖤
 
destroylonely said:
feeling 70% mentally recovered, around the same physically. able to watch movies, enjoy games, dance to music and laugh a lot. still some flu like symptoms such as wheezing, coughing and nasal congestion, though. it'll be four months on february 11th. i'm surprised i'm doing well so early, but i did only have one shot / half a loading dose. considering buying a PS3 tomorrow to play some older nostalgic games. 🖤
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I have a ps3 but need a controller and also a tv for it. I wanna play metal gear solid 1 on it which should play on mine even though its a ps1 game
 
From where I started i feel way better. The first 2 months were absolute hell on earth. There is a quality of those 2 months that I can't put into words. Every waking moment was like I had zero feel good chemicals.

Now I must have some chemicals. I still struggle to find anything entertaining. I don't know how to explain. But I feel like a shell of my former self. I think it feels more like a depression then complete anhedonia.

I struggle more now with, worries about the future and being able to work again. I'm a recruiter and I struggle with anxiety issues.

It's hard to make small talk like I used to. I hope i can get my social skills back.
 
paranoid android said:
I have a ps3 but need a controller and also a tv for it. I wanna play metal gear solid 1 on it which should play on mine even though its a ps1 game
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Do you take benzos daily? I used to be addicted to them for 10 years. I know clonazepam well.
 
Ever since Invega I realise how much “normal” people talk. They talk so much. Needlessly. So much small talk about nothing. Yak yak yak blah blah blah. Like why so many words.
Maybe it’s because I don’t talk as much anymore.
 
maryjaneforever said:
Ever since Invega I realise how much “normal” people talk. They talk so much. Needlessly. So much small talk about nothing. Yak yak yak blah blah blah. Like why so many words.
Maybe it’s because I don’t talk as much anymore.
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I need to be able to talk. But I have nothing to say about anything. It's fucked.

What's that about?
 
Also since Invega I regret my whole life. I regret every boyfriend I’ve had. I regret all my tattoos. I regret everything I’ve ever said angry. I regret smoking my whole life. I regret the drugs. I regret literally all my life choices.
 
maryjaneforever said:
Also since Invega I regret my whole life. I regret every boyfriend I’ve had. I regret all my tattoos. I regret everything I’ve ever said angry. I regret smoking my whole life. I regret the drugs. I regret literally all my life choices.
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Me to maryjane. Fuck this life.
 
I have 2 older siblings. They are both highly successful. Compared to them i am a complete fuck up of a human. How did I let my life go so poorly. Almost 40 and nothing to show for it. Just bad choices. I'll be lucky not to be homeless in my old age.
 
I believe the US is going through a fascist coup and I'm under reacting because of my remaining emotional blunting. Focusing on an escape plan. Going to start mining crypto on my phone. Doing research on fascist regimes so I know what could be coming and will relay that information.

Maybe I'm in survival mode. I know I'm on the chopping block for my political beliefs and who I am. So are many of you. If you were falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective, I would get that cleared now. I'm going to follow my own advice.
 
maryjaneforever said:
Also since Invega I regret my whole life. I regret every boyfriend I’ve had. I regret all my tattoos. I regret everything I’ve ever said angry. I regret smoking my whole life. I regret the drugs. I regret literally all my life choices.
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I think this regrets are really caused by invega because it blocks everything.

I never ever regreted anything in my life.

Regrets are starting to disappear now.

I think receptors are coming back for sure.

Still. No taste about life. No color yet
 
InvegaAnon said:
I believe the US is going through a fascist coup and I'm under reacting because of my remaining emotional blunting. Focusing on an escape plan. Going to start mining crypto on my phone. Doing research on fascist regimes so I know what could be coming and will relay that information.

Maybe I'm in survival mode. I know I'm on the chopping block for my political beliefs and who I am. So are many of you. If you were falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective, I would get that cleared now. I'm going to follow my own advice.
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Don't worry he's to old lol
 
InvegaAnon said:
I believe the US is going through a fascist coup and I'm under reacting because of my remaining emotional blunting. Focusing on an escape plan. Going to start mining crypto on my phone. Doing research on fascist regimes so I know what could be coming and will relay that information.

Maybe I'm in survival mode. I know I'm on the chopping block for my political beliefs and who I am. So are many of you. If you were falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective, I would get that cleared now. I'm going to follow my own advice.
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What's the threat?
 
I will feel ok if I just fully recover from invega.
I wouldn't want more than that.
I will live happy life.
I just want normal energy and mind.
 
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Invega wrecked my teeth. Never had any problems before. Now in the last year they are all breaking and cracking. Coincidence? I think not.
 
I can grove to music again, but I don't crave music like I used to. I don't feel it as much. I feel like I'm walking past something beautiful and I don't look at it.
 
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