I can't fucking believe I got PSSD after this shit, almost BECAUSE of this shit, and it's just pure torture. Maybe I'm being weird and delusional again, but I think a demon influenced this path and I opened the door to it with that damn "light worker" scammer that asked me to pray over money, something you're NOT supposed to do and I knew it, but I did it anyway.
Maybe it's crazy, but I'm going to try to see a priest. I don't think I'm possessed, but perhaps something is trying to bring me down so I can become possessed or kill myself. This is the lowest I've ever been. I was agnostic, but I was starting to believe again after I listened to a podcast about demonic possession. A lot of intensely weird stuff happens I can't explain that a lot of athiests just write off as "oh this person is pretending/is mentally ill/they did a cold reading on you/it was a coincidence" but that just doesn't satisfactorily explain some of the stuff I heard. I heard about total strangers knowing the names of someone's children and very specific events that happened to them, personal secrets. That's not "a cold reading".
I was following both sinful things and seeing the possibility of getting the chance to get to God again by taking Prozac. My parents are non-practicing with religious trauma and they wouldn't want me getting into stuff, and I long decided I wanted to start going to the Unitarian Universalist church when I moved in with my friend. I was also following my addiction to cannabis because I was under the false impression it was safe to smoke on Prozac. Because I further messed myself up, I can't see the friend I wanted to move in with right now.
If you insist of not believing in God, fine, whatever. Maybe demons aren't fallen angels and are something that naturally exists and does shit for inexplicable eldritch reasons and we're gonna get a Star Trek explanation for it some day. But for now I see demonic influence as a problem I'm facing and maybe if I deal with it, it will help me feel better.