Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 8.0

[cmf77]

Hi everyone I may have found some hope. I've seen every neurologist in the book and they have constantly said they can't find anything. I was on a lyme disease forum and by freak chance somebody said they can help me. I said it's an impossibility. There is no way you can fix the damage that is going on. He said for me to send my mri from march which was two months after the injection. He was the only one pinpoint where the damage after seeing the top neurologists in my country,who keeps saying they found nothing. He looked at my pineal, pituitary and hypothalamus glands. He noticed that they were all flattened out or had been somewhat compromised. He's requesting me to get a second mri this week so he can compare the two. From there He is going to rebuild my dopamine and neurons with angiogenesis and neurogenesis techniques. I told him that i've spent almost four hundred thousand dollars in insurance and personal money to get better. He actually looked at my scans for free and gave me a free consultation, which I was very impressed with. I'm hoping and praying that he will help me.

 

[InvegaAnon]

why you say weed bad for pssd?

It desensitizes serotonin receptors and it makes my junk cold again, but only for a day. Gonna continue to lay off of it until I really feel better. I might smoke again at my sister's birthday party in a few days, but in moderation. It also makes my disassociation worse.

I think I'm getting sensation back! I don't feel horrible numbness when I walk. I can describe this as "greatly reduced sensation" rather than "genital anesthesia". I'm still having intense dreams and occasional nausea, so I'm still in the withdrawl period and there's still a chance this is withdrawls.

I had a nightmare that I had to go back to the mental hospital because I was obsessing over my PSSD so much. I was crying and trying to tell people antipsychotics and SSRIs will make my PSSD worse/permanent and a whole room of people laughed at me. :/ I woke up so confused and upset, I completely believed the dream as it was happening. It flowed more logically than my dreams usually do.

 

[paliperidonevictim2005]

Have you been taking other antipsychotics like him after invega

she had 17 shots brodie

is it a good sign to have normal semen consistency and color

mental abilities are coming back a little just hard to notice bc i still feel dumb

sorry mods i was cussing out hospital staff i hate mental hospitals and hate the people who work there everyone here does we have the right to be angry i will try not to cuss them out more but its hard cause i hate them please dont ban me this place is the only thing that gives me hope

 

[Nurse Ratched]

sorry mods i was cussing out hospital staff i hate mental hospitals and hate the people who work there everyone here does we have the right to be angry i will try not to cuss them out more but its hard cause i hate them please dont ban me this place is the only thing that gives me hope

No problem. It's all good because you recognize why they were deleted and that's good. No bans for cussing or ranting. Just deletions.

Appreciate that you will not go there though.

Have a good weekend. Or as good as you can anyway.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Cussing is okay....I forgot to say. I cuss on BL too.

Wishing death upon others was the no no that got the post deleted.

 

[paliperidonevictim2005]

which has almost happened to me once when i was 14 right before i started smoking weed this girl at a mental hospital who was really my type who i had a huge crush on and couldnt leave her alone her boyfriend who was older than her and a gang member tried to cut my dick off when we were all out of the hospital luckily he couldnt reach me and she left him long time ago. sheesh god mf damn my fucked up life has had so many catastrophies

 

[Maymay169]

Omg I’m getting a dopamine hit from ciggies yay

 

[mura_yom_invegasucks]

Also guys I’m gonna start smoking cigarettes again and tomorrow I’m planning to try ketamine… 3 months

Not a good idea to try ketamine that soon after

 

[paliperidonevictim2005]

Omg I’m getting a dopamine hit from ciggies yay

i was getting one from vaping kind of not from weed or anything else i tried weed once it just amplified the invega poison feeling i vape every few days to every day now and it increased my tolerance so i feel it like 20-50 percent at first i could feel like 50 percent <please don't suggest illicit drugs use to other members - SMod>

if anyone needs positive uplifting posts just go to my profile and see what i liked

 

[Senior Moderator]

Incoming mega reply post!!!!!!

I really hope more recovered/recovering people start posting here again because this place is becoming a little scary with just newly injected people freaking out. Although that does go to show that most people probably do recover or start recovering after the first year, they just don’t post about it

The Invega thread always ebbs and flows with phases of good news, then a period of bad news, then it will become good and positive and uplifting again, and then bad and negative and scary again, and so on and so forth. It's just the nature of the thread. Stick with us and ride it out, if this thread is overall helpful for you ❤

I'm almost 10 months in and feel no relief whatsoever ever.I dread getting up in the morning and the most devastating is the erectile dysfunction.The one thing that is really murdering me inside is looking at my 4 children, knowing I have no choice other than to go.I am suicidal 24/7.I read somewhere that people have lived like this for 10 years.If someone could tell me how that is done I will give my life to them and work for free. I do have someone from an alternative medicine company that is willing to work with me and very familiar with these symptoms.Its my only choice at this point.

Welcome to the thread, and I am so sorry you struggling so very badly. Others have already said a lot, but I want/NEED to say that you are a parent. You have 4 kids. Suicide is not an option. It's just not. You will completely destroy your children's lives forever if you kill yourself. So get that thought out of your head please ❤

I think my prostate is gone.They say your prolactin level render you castrated.I can get an erection While i'm sleeping but I cannot ejaculate. Also too the worst part is the hand tremors. I don't know what to do. My sleeping is horrendous. I'm constantly suicidal

It's actually not feasible for your prostate to disappear. Who is "they" when you say "they say"?? You can still get an erection, right?? Even though it's when you're sleeping, it's still an erection, which means your genitals are still working. They will recover with time, please have faith in that and continue to read other people's recovery stories ❤

Wow tbh your case seems the most rare out of most that I’ve seen .

I know that you mean well, but comments like this are not helpful. They just make the person feel even more weird, isolated, and less confident about recovering. Try to be a little more tactful, yeah?

I am 18 months off invega and doing much better I was hopeless for 12 months and started gradually improving since then it takes a long time I thought the anhedonia would never go away especially since it hadn’t let up once I hit a year I kept going and it went away at 13-14 months at that same time my libido returned

@ap_sucks hasn’t recovered he’s banned for some reason

He was banned for very good reasons. We don't need to discuss it publicly. And we do not take banning people lightly here on Bluelight. We have a strict banning protocol that we adhere to, that applies to every single member of the forum, which can be found here:
https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/🚫the-bluelight-warning-system🚫.611710/
And the Bluelight User Agreement, I.e. the Bluelight rules can be found here:
https://bluelight.org/xf/pages/BLUA/

I see so many success stories with larger dosages than I got. I'm in a really bad spot and I don't know what to do. It's been ten months and i'm stagnant. I don't think I can last for 2 more months.

Please stick with us and keep posting here for support ❤

My tremors have started to fade about 130 days out so I’m guessing this is the dopamine pathways starting to heal. Felt some joy when hitting a nice tennis shot but still low energy and feeling a bit disconnected. I’m hopefully things will continue to gradually improve

That sounds like great progress! Thanks for sharing that with us! I hope things continue to get better and better for you ❤

Neuropathways can’t heal themselves, once they’re destroyed they’re destroyed! Where do you people come up with this pychobable bullshit! dopamine receptors rekindled all this crap. Once you have brain damage the damage is done! You might be able to improve and get better but that damage doesn’t go away! Ever look at a drug addict that recovers, you can tell he’s done hard drugs before. Ever look at someone who’s been on antipsychotics they look like they’ve been on some shit…they aren’t normal looking anymore. Ban me if you want to. But I’m not here to give false hope! Damage is damage. Ppl say they “recover” I’m sure they don’t feel adrenaline from songs anymore and so on and so forth. Those things are damaged. ppl here sound dumb. Oh I felt good for a minute taking a walk. Like that’s good! Ppl actually feel good all the time in real life not medically fucked! They spring out of bed and tackle the day! “Oh I felt good for a moment, I can work so that’s good I shower and shave now” wow big victory! Like these things take ten mins out of a normal persons day!

I'm not sure what you're currently going through in your personal life right now but you were not this aggressive before. Has anything changed for you that might have triggered some anger responses in you?
To address your comment about someone taking hard drugs and always looking like they've been an addict: I was a severe, heavy alcoholic and drug addict for over 15 years. I've been clean and sober for nearly 2 years now and looking at me, you would never know my past I even had a small patch of cirrhosis on my liver detected in January 2021, now it can't be detected on my liver ultrasounds. And I thought cirrhosis never went away People can and do heal from all sorts of damage, especially in the brain. Neuroplasticity is real, and very pertinent to the healing and recovery of people's brains after taking antipsychotics such as Invega. Please don't be so discouraging to people who are here for hope, support and advice.

people fucking fully recover and say music comes back 100 percent with adrenaline idk wtf your talking about yea you should be fucking banned for spreading hopelessness buddy

People don't get banned for speaking their mind here on Bluelight. We have a very strict protocol that we follow for banning people, as I posted above.

I'm sorry I have to agree with him. This drug is pure poison. I've yet to see somebody recover. You should see the message board i'm on. Everybody is suicidal. In fact I think two members killed themselves with the last week or so. This drug was designed to make people vegetables. I'm almost ten months in and I haven't seen any improvement. There is one guy that is hopefully gonna help me. I cry every single day knowing I am not the person I used to be. I used to smile, laugh, high sexual, motivated and loved life. I am completely the opposite of that now. I hope you're are right, because people wouldn't be coming on this message board if they were feeling good. It's a struggle for me to survive every day. That's criminal. Not trying to be a jerk, just have to kind of agree with the guy above.

I have moderated THIS Invega thread for many many years and I have seen countless full recovery stories. Sure, I have seem some people who have not recovered as well, I'm not gonna lie. BUT the majority that I have seen post here have eventually recovered. I suggest that you now avoid whatever other message board you're on (Reddit, perhaps? Or a psych forum?), as it is clearly just instilling you with unnecessary fear and hopelessness. That is not going to help you recover, my friend ❤

stop calling people drug addicts when you are one yourself!

Please refrain from posting comments such as this. She is not a drug addict, there is nothing that she has said to make you assume that. Please do not whimsically throw around antagonistic accusations like that in this forum. Thank you.

You know what, I had no intention to log in and post/reply to anyone until exactly 2 months from here, where I'd come back exactly a year after being injected with Invega, to report and even make a video of how I went from being completely mentally and physically destroyed and dysfunctional to living a great, fulfilling, and satisfying quality of life again, but felt the need to intervene here, because of the amount of negativity being posted here, and due to the apparent lack of positivity, felt the need to talk about my recovery story/progress sooner than anticipated, in hopes that it will help others in an earlier state of recovery, where I once was.

While I do personally believe that antipsychotics and other meds for "mental ilnesses" have the capability of potentially causing permanent, irreversible damage, that primarily occurs after a prolonged, extended period of use (such as Tardive Dyskinesia), we're talking year after year of constant use. I strongly believe after going through this living hell of an experience that people here can, and will recover. Sure it may take months, in my case 9 1/2 to 10 months to feel normal again but once you've improved to the state you were in previously, you'll appreciate life that much more, and never take bodily functions and features for granted ever again.

Yes, I will agree, the grand majority of people, mainly young guys based off of my observation over the span of several months, realistically only seem to care most about being able to fully enjoy and experience sex/self-pleasure again, and the ability to properly feel substances again, including myself. But I didn't determine that I've made a seemingly full recovery based off of those few factors alone, I came to that conclusion based off of everything that was once affected, altered, and taken away from me by Invega, for almost a year total, and finally managed to regain after so long.

I went from being completely dysfunctional, drained and devoid of anything that makes life enjoyable, with the constant negative mentality of being permanently damaged, and that my only way out of this shitty situation would be to commit suicide, to being back on track with my life, fully and throughly enjoying everything life has to offer again, properly being able to enjoy and experience everything this stupid, useless poison had taken from me. And so, to the best of my ability, I will write some of many features that I have regained by now, exactly 10 months later after the injection.

I feel as interested and motivated as I used to, in other words, I have recovered from being in a totally anhedonic state initially. I went from being completely bedridden, with zero interest in anything I once enjoyed, to the point where I completely neglected my surroundings and my hygiene, and stopped shaving, showering, brushing my teeth, changing my clothes, etc., for months, to being fully motivated and energetic, feeling refreshed, with the strong desire to be productive again. Infact, I feel as if I'm starting to become or will soon become even more productive then I was pre-Invega.

Yes, this includes my sexual health, I felt as if my dick and balls were basically cut off, with zero sex drive, the complete inability to achieve or maintain an orgasm, absolutely no pleasurable sensation whatsoever, and having very delayed orgasms, and producing no actual semen at all, only a few drops of clear, watery fluid, to having a high sex drive and being very horny again, can reach an orgasm much faster like before, which feels immensely pleasurable and satisfying, and can produce a good, healthy, and normal load of semen again. (I came back to edit it because I realized that I forgot to mention that I could not get or maintain an erection at all initially, but can do so once again just like before, and can get one even without physical touch, even waking up with "morning wood" very often.)

I've also regained the ability to enjoy the other usual activities and hobbies once again, such as music, drawing, gardening, and yes, including playing video games. With music specifically, I can feel fully immersed and enjoy it again. I feel more lively, excited, and energetic when listening tp upbeat music. The same could be said for the opposite, with sad, more mellow music. I feel calmer, more relaxed, and at certain times, especially while listening to nostalgic music, even begin to cry. With that, it brings me to the next feature that I have managed to regain.

I was once, and am once again a very emotional person. I can feel excitement and satisfaction from winning or achieving something difficult, feel concerned or saddened by the loss of someone or seeing and hearing others suffer, such as others here, feel very tense and angry when people disagree with me, specifically all of those people that I've come across, saying bullshit such as that I lied about my side-effects, that I'm being delusional, that I'm using it an excuse to be lazy, that I'm doing it for attention, that I'm too negative about it, despite the fact that it's supposedly not a big deal. This is a few examples of all of the crap I was told over the span of months, until it completely broke me and made me snap towards such people.

My mind was so blank and hindered from being able to think at all at first that I could literally only give one-worded responses, such as yes or no. I basically went minutes, almost hours just being dead silent because my brain was absolutely fried from Invega, and my speech was also very delayed. Now I can have complex, meaningful conversations again, for hours. I can properly understand what the other person is saying and the meaning of it, can think of a reasonable reply/response rather quickly, and can once again speak normally and fluently, just as I could previously. Infact, I could've never written this entire "essay" just a few months ago, I simply couldn't think of how to properly form and structure sentences, let alone paragraphs.

For the first 4 months off of Invega, I literally couldn't sleep at all, not even for a single minute. I don't believe it's usual or typical for people to experience such severe insomnia, even from such substances, but I suppose I was just very unlucky and unfortunate then. I was convinced that this would be the end of me, that I wouldn't live beyond 2023, but after said 4 months, I suddenly regained the ability to sleep gradually and consistently, which improved more and more, to where I can now sleep a full 7 to 8 hours with very few interruptions in between, with very infrequent nightmares about Invega. As a matter of fact, I actually recieved 9 hours of sleep today, not only that, but I can somehow fall asleep faster now then I could even before Invega.

Realistically speaking, I could choose to devote more time and effort into furter explaining how and what else I've managed to regain and recover from, but will leave it as is, mainly because I'm still interested in being more in-depth and detailed in an explanation I'll provide in an upcoming video. And because personally, when I was recently injected with Invega, greatly struggled to speak or read for such an extended amount of time, which you can clearly see is no longer the case here. Lastly, I will admit as I said initially, the likelihood of more severe, permanent damage seems to increase the more and the longer you were on antipsychotics, but I'm still very positive and confident that you people will be able to enjoy your quality of life once again.

Unfortunately, this does mean that you will have to go through severe, unbearable anounts of suffering initially, since there currently isn't exactly a "cure" or "antidote" for the side-effects caused by these so-called medications, but the best you can do is surround yourself with positivity, and most importantly, remain physically active, because once I started going back to the gym consistently, I saw rapid and drastic recovery, up until where I am now, healthy, normal, and functional again. I'll still check and possibly post/reply every once in a while, but because I'm going to focus on work and college again the beginning of next year aside from what I'm currently already doing, I don't intend to be as active or involved as I was a few months ago.

Thank you SO MUCH for posting this! Stories like yours are so very much appreciated in this thread, as you know. I am so happy for you and your ongoing recovery journey ❤

Street drugs can really wreak havoc on people prone to psychotic disorders. Even just eating weed edibles (yes, even the indica ones) played a part in both my psychotic episodes.

The key here is fighting for people's right to advocate for themselves and get on the best regimen for their personal wants and needs. For some people, that's no medication, while others prefer to be on it. It helps that a lot of schizophrenic people aren't laid out on the massive doses most of us got in the ER.

I 100% agree, well said ❤

I can get high from weed but not enjoyable

So....don't use weed, if it's not enjoyable...?? It's very likely to be hindering and slowing down your recovery, so it's best to avoid it if you're not even enjoying the high

I did get my mri results back. Apparently my pineal and pituitary glands are depressed. You can see that there is no connection whatsoever to the frontal lobes and the hypothalamus.

Now, this, I find extremely interesting....is it at all feasible that the physical changes in your brain anatomy shown on the MRI could be attributed to something other than Invega damage?? Have any of the neurologists spoken about that? Perhaps a rare form of early onset dementia, such as the type that my mother has?? She has a very rare type of fronto-temporal lobe early onset dementia, it's extremely slow progressing, she lives a fully functional daily life, but there are obvious anatomical changes in her brain on MRI scans, and she has various very gradually progressing symptoms such as personality change, forgetting names of things, saying the wrong word for something even though she is thinking the correct word, stuff like that. None of that is applicable to you, I'm merely illustrating that there are all types of other things that could be the reason for the significant physical changes in your brain...I will be VERY interested to read your updates and I wish you all the very best with the new practitioner.

Hey guys.. I was wondering.. Are people who got Invega over psyhosis in better situation to recover then the ones that didnt got it for that?

That is a really really good and interesting question.....we'd have to go back through all the threads and tally up the ones who got Invega for genuine psychosis vs those who got Invega without psychosis, and then look at their success rates. Other than doing that, off the top of my head I honestly can't recall...it would be VERY interesting to see, though. Good question.

Weed definitely causes psychosis, I've known loads of people to get psychosis from continually using it. The ones who are fine use it once in a while, like monthly at a party...

Too high a proportion of people get psychosis from it, if you are one who has experienced it, just stop using it. You would be an unbelievable fool to do otherwise.

Some people are just stupid though so this falls on all types of ears.

This is true. Anyone who has ever even had ONE episode of psychosis, no matter what caused it, should avoid weed completely. THC is very likely to trigger psychosis in people who have experienced psychosis before.

is it a good sign that i did above average on a math test and hadnt done math in 3 years

Yes. You know it is.

Hello everyone, just wanted to share my story so far for some new ppl. I used to be pretty active in here with updates, but I’ve since stopped with updating consistently. I do think I posted an update last month sometime though.

So, I was put on invega after a pretty intense BP1 manic episode. Within the first month, I became a vegetable, an empty shell, I gained weight, & i found joy in absolutely nothing. I took 8 or so shots, & just kept hoping it would get better.

I thought about suicide every waking moment that whole time. I couldnt function sexually, emotionally, logically, all of the things that make one human. Everything was so dreadfully boring, I never thought I’d find another thing that would entertain me. I didn’t care about anything, myself, others, nothing at all.

After that 8th shot, I realized that this wasn’t a feeling that I could wait out, & that I needed to stop immediately. This forum gave me an outlet, & some hope for the future.

It was a very slow, gradual & long road, that im not 100% done crossing, but now, 15 months later, I’m mostly recovered. I got my humor back, my wit (though I think there’s still a tiny bit to recover there tbh), there’s no anhedonia or akathisia left, & I’m getting back to living life.

I’ve reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and even met this girl, who is wonderful, & we’ve been together since late July. We truly love eachother, & its nice to feel that again.

A few weeks ago, on my birthday, we were doing a little drinking, & started talking about some deep mental health stuff, & i cried, for the first time in a long time. Since then I’ve almost cried two times, so I think its safe to say I can feel the full range of emotions again.

Once again, I have hope for my future. Hang in there, guys.

This is so awesome to read!! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!! Everyone here really needs to read uplifting success stories like yours. I hope you continue to improve every single day. Keep us updated! ❤

Also guys I’m gonna start smoking cigarettes again and tomorrow I’m planning to try ketamine… 3 months out will I feel anything?

Please do NOT do ketamine. Why would you do that? It's way too risky.

Hi everyone I may have found some hope. I've seen every neurologist in the book and they have constantly said they can't find anything. I was on a lyme disease forum and by freak chance somebody said they can help me. I said it's an impossibility. There is no way you can fix the damage that is going on. He said for me to send my mri from march which was two months after the injection. He was the only one pinpoint where the damage after seeing the top neurologists in my country,who keeps saying they found nothing. He looked at my pineal, pituitary and hypothalamus glands. He noticed that they were all flattened out or had been somewhat compromised. He's requesting me to get a second mri this week so he can compare the two. From there He is going to rebuild my dopamine and neurons with angiogenesis and neurogenesis techniques. I told him that i've spent almost four hundred thousand dollars in insurance and personal money to get better. He actually looked at my scans for free and gave me a free consultation, which I was very impressed with. I'm hoping and praying that he will help me.

Please keep us updated. Like I said above, I am really interested in your recovery and I want you to know that I am really rooting for you man. I really hope you can get some good help. Let us know how you go ❤

 

[cmf77]

I only had one injection and it has wreaked havoc on my brain.Invega is known as a torment drug and there are numerous people who have had one shot and never recovered like me. I am 10 months in and see no relief whatsoever. If you go on Google it will clearly have numerous stories like mine.Look up on Drugs.com "Invega Sustenna Ruined my life".It gives a clear cut picture of what this drug does.My mri damage has nothing to do with dementia as the damage is in the center of my brain.

 

[lurker689]

I don't have peace. I can't relax and feel good anymore.

 

[t_xeplionhell]

I only had one injection and it has wreaked havoc on my brain.Invega is known as a torment drug and there are numerous people who have had one shot and never recovered like me. I am 10 months in and see no relief whatsoever. If you go on Google it will clearly have numerous stories like mine.Look up on Drugs.com "Invega Sustenna Ruined my life".It gives a clear cut picture of what this drug does.My mri damage has nothing to do with dementia as the damage is in the center of my brain.

You checked on MRI, so how severe is the damage? Did you have dementia before invega and how old are you?

 

[t_xeplionhell]

I don't have peace. I can't relax and feel good anymore.

I realized that the opposite of peace is suffering and agony, and invega primarily causes that, to the worst extremes that can't be grasped by imagination. It must be experienced to be truly understood how terrible it is.

Some of the heroin addicts beg for death during withdrawals, but invega puts this on an even greater extreme. It's much worse than heroin withdrawal and lasts much longer. People were through heroin withdrawals and who also went on invega confirmed that.

When I was around 1 year off, I was running outside and my head sometimes produced a sticky sound at the left top side of my skull. It went away in few months

Recently, I got the strongest goosebumps since going off invega.

 

[paliperidonevictim2005]

When I was around 1 year off, I was running outside and my head sometimes produced a sticky sound at the left top side of my skull. It went away in few months

Recently, I got the strongest goosebumps since going off invega.

i hope you recover eventually

 

[paliperidonevictim2005]

most people who dont recover are older and have a weaker system and they had a shit ton of injections even people who have shit ton of injections are proved to recover too usually around a year and a half but its rare to never recover from a few injections

 

[InvegaAnon]

Six complete months update. Here goes nothing.

I don't really have much to say. It's hard to disentangle my PSSD symptoms from the aftereffects of invega. I can say that taking Prozac made me worse, I also smoked weed while I was on it and I have a condition that probably stopped me from metabolizing it correctly. Every day I wake up with regret from not choosing an SSRI I had used before with no problems other than weight gain, something I wanted to avoid because I have NAFLD.

My PSSD symptoms have improved, which is intersting and good since a lot of people don't improve in the first few months. It gives me hope that it's just withdrawl or it's going to be short term. I observed that before people start getting sensation back and such, their genitals return to their normal size and texture and mine have improved in that area. I got windows from coffee and weed where I had acceptable orgasms. My genitals aren't completely numb and I get flashes of pleasure, but the sensation is greatly reduced. If I can find a way to consistently and safely induce windows, I could continue living like this for years, but it's really sad that I lost my perfect sexual functioning and most of my pleasure. I only got to have sex once.

My cognition is mostly pre-invega, but sometimes I still have a hard time thinking creatively. I feel more empty and blank. My brain used to be a rainforest, now it's like the Mojave. But there are still a lot of living things in the Mojave desert. I look at things and I know how to draw them again at least.

I never thought I would be wiped out by psychiatric drugs like this. I never knew it was possible. I had such a strong personality and strong feelings, I didn't know emptiness or anhedonia before all this shit. Life has never been so dull for me, except directly after taking invega.

The constant dysphoria hasn't stopped, I want to crawl out of my own skin a lot of the time. Speaking of skin, the paresthesia I got from Prozac is also gradually getting better.

I'm laughing at stuff, I can cry, a little bit of fear is coming back. I don't have zero emotions, but I still feel a void that was once so full. I wish I cared about things again. I was a passionate person who cared a lot about political causes like trans rights and lots of intersectional liberation stuff. I love humanity and I believe we can be better. I just wish I could find it in my heart again to try to bring about utopia.

Everything I was, was beautiful. I always felt dirty because of my intrusive thoughts, hated myself over embarrassments in my past. But I was still this deeply moral, loving human being. Now I feel like I don't react to anything like I should.

I'm finding more pleasure in food, I snack because snacking good now. But I don't get the tingle in my lips from eating anything, I'm missing so many physiological responses.

I'm in a better place than the constant panic and pain and regret, but it's not that much better. I kinda want to die, but I still want to see if I'll get better or if it just becomes more bearable.

Some lyrics are stuck in my head and they help me feel better. "There will come a day when you feel better//And you'll rise up free and easy on that day// and float from branch to branch, lighter than the air// just when that day is coming, who can say, who can say?" It's from Up the Wolves by the Mountain Goats. It's a song about recovering from child abuse, but I'm clinging to that part.

Here's another song for y'all.

 

[paliperidonevictim2005]

Incoming mega reply post!!!!!!


The Invega thread always ebbs and flows with phases of good news, then a period of bad news, then it will become good and positive and uplifting again, and then bad and negative and scary again, and so on and so forth. It's just the nature of the thread. Stick with us and ride it out, if this thread is overall helpful for you ❤


Welcome to the thread, and I am so sorry you struggling so very badly. Others have already said a lot, but I want/NEED to say that you are a parent. You have 4 kids. Suicide is not an option. It's just not. You will completely destroy your children's lives forever if you kill yourself. So get that thought out of your head please ❤

It's actually not feasible for your prostate to disappear. Who is "they" when you say "they say"?? You can still get an erection, right?? Even though it's when you're sleeping, it's still an erection, which means your genitals are still working. They will recover with time, please have faith in that and continue to read other people's recovery stories ❤


I know that you mean well, but comments like this are not helpful. They just make the person feel even more weird, isolated, and less confident about recovering. Try to be a little more tactful, yeah?




He was banned for very good reasons. We don't need to discuss it publicly. And we do not take banning people lightly here on Bluelight. We have a strict banning protocol that we adhere to, that applies to every single member of the forum, which can be found here:
https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/the-bluelight-warning-system.611710/
And the Bluelight User Agreement, I.e. the Bluelight rules can be found here:
https://bluelight.org/xf/pages/BLUA/


Please stick with us and keep posting here for support ❤


That sounds like great progress! Thanks for sharing that with us! I hope things continue to get better and better for you ❤


I'm not sure what you're currently going through in your personal life right now but you were not this aggressive before. Has anything changed for you that might have triggered some anger responses in you?
To address your comment about someone taking hard drugs and always looking like they've been an addict: I was a severe, heavy alcoholic and drug addict for over 15 years. I've been clean and sober for nearly 2 years now and looking at me, you would never know my past I even had a small patch of cirrhosis on my liver detected in January 2021, now it can't be detected on my liver ultrasounds. And I thought cirrhosis never went away People can and do heal from all sorts of damage, especially in the brain. Neuroplasticity is real, and very pertinent to the healing and recovery of people's brains after taking antipsychotics such as Invega. Please don't be so discouraging to people who are here for hope, support and advice.


People don't get banned for speaking their mind here on Bluelight. We have a very strict protocol that we follow for banning people, as I posted above.


I have moderated THIS Invega thread for many many years and I have seen countless full recovery stories. Sure, I have seem some people who have not recovered as well, I'm not gonna lie. BUT the majority that I have seen post here have eventually recovered. I suggest that you now avoid whatever other message board you're on (Reddit, perhaps? Or a psych forum?), as it is clearly just instilling you with unnecessary fear and hopelessness. That is not going to help you recover, my friend ❤


Please refrain from posting comments such as this. She is not a drug addict, there is nothing that she has said to make you assume that. Please do not whimsically throw around antagonistic accusations like that in this forum. Thank you.


Thank you SO MUCH for posting this! Stories like yours are so very much appreciated in this thread, as you know. I am so happy for you and your ongoing recovery journey ❤


I 100% agree, well said ❤


So....don't use weed, if it's not enjoyable...?? It's very likely to be hindering and slowing down your recovery, so it's best to avoid it if you're not even enjoying the high


Now, this, I find extremely interesting....is it at all feasible that the physical changes in your brain anatomy shown on the MRI could be attributed to something other than Invega damage?? Have any of the neurologists spoken about that? Perhaps a rare form of early onset dementia, such as the type that my mother has?? She has a very rare type of fronto-temporal lobe early onset dementia, it's extremely slow progressing, she lives a fully functional daily life, but there are obvious anatomical changes in her brain on MRI scans, and she has various very gradually progressing symptoms such as personality change, forgetting names of things, saying the wrong word for something even though she is thinking the correct word, stuff like that. None of that is applicable to you, I'm merely illustrating that there are all types of other things that could be the reason for the significant physical changes in your brain...I will be VERY interested to read your updates and I wish you all the very best with the new practitioner.


That is a really really good and interesting question.....we'd have to go back through all the threads and tally up the ones who got Invega for genuine psychosis vs those who got Invega without psychosis, and then look at their success rates. Other than doing that, off the top of my head I honestly can't recall...it would be VERY interesting to see, though. Good question.


This is true. Anyone who has ever even had ONE episode of psychosis, no matter what caused it, should avoid weed completely. THC is very likely to trigger psychosis in people who have experienced psychosis before.


Yes. You know it is.


This is so awesome to read!! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!! Everyone here really needs to read uplifting success stories like yours. I hope you continue to improve every single day. Keep us updated! ❤


Please do NOT do ketamine. Why would you do that? It's way too risky.


Please keep us updated. Like I said above, I am really interested in your recovery and I want you to know that I am really rooting for you man. I really hope you can get some good help. Let us know how you go ❤

doubt there is a difference in success rates with people who were psychotic vs those who werent if anything severe psychosis might decrease chance of full recovery

 

[cmf77]

You checked on MRI, so how severe is the damage? Did you have dementia before invega and how old are

From what it shows, my pineal gland is flattened out it's definitely damaged.Im going for my second mri on Monday to see what the damage is further.Im hoping this person can help me... but as they say the damage is permanent.I hope they can help me.Im also not letting this doctor get away with what they did to me.Im moving forward with litigation and they will not ever do this to someone again.

 

[t_xeplionhell]

From what it shows, my pineal gland is flattened out it's definitely damaged.Im going for my second mri on Monday to see what the damage is further.Im hoping this person can help me... but as they say the damage is permanent.I hope they can help me.Im also not letting this doctor get away with what they did to me.Im moving forward with litigation and they will not ever do this to someone again.

I would like to know how many % of it is damaged or shrunk and also your age. For sake of research on this, it will be very beneficial for you to answer.