Recovery story
You know what, I had no intention to log in and post/reply to anyone until exactly 2 months from here, where I'd come back exactly a year after being injected with Invega, to report and even make a video of how I went from being completely mentally and physically destroyed and dysfunctional to living a great, fulfilling, and satisfying quality of life again, but felt the need to intervene here, because of the amount of negativity being posted here, and due to the apparent lack of positivity, felt the need to talk about my recovery story/progress sooner than anticipated, in hopes that it will help others in an earlier state of recovery, where I once was.
While I do personally believe that antipsychotics and other meds for "mental ilnesses" have the capability of potentially causing permanent, irreversible damage, that primarily occurs after a prolonged, extended period of use (such as Tardive Dyskinesia), we're talking year after year of constant use. I strongly believe after going through this living hell of an experience that people here can, and will recover. Sure it may take months, in my case 9 1/2 to 10 months to feel normal again but once you've improved to the state you were in previously, you'll appreciate life that much more, and never take bodily functions and features for granted ever again.
Yes, I will agree, the grand majority of people, mainly young guys based off of my observation over the span of several months, realistically only seem to care most about being able to fully enjoy and experience sex/self-pleasure again, and the ability to properly feel substances again, including myself. But I didn't determine that I've made a seemingly full recovery based off of those few factors alone, I came to that conclusion based off of everything that was once affected, altered, and taken away from me by Invega, for almost a year total, and finally managed to regain after so long.
I went from being completely dysfunctional, drained and devoid of anything that makes life enjoyable, with the constant negative mentality of being permanently damaged, and that my only way out of this shitty situation would be to commit suicide, to being back on track with my life, fully and throughly enjoying everything life has to offer again, properly being able to enjoy and experience everything this stupid, useless poison had taken from me. And so, to the best of my ability, I will write some of many features that I have regained by now, exactly 10 months later after the injection.
I feel as interested and motivated as I used to, in other words, I have recovered from being in a totally anhedonic state initially. I went from being completely bedridden, with zero interest in anything I once enjoyed, to the point where I completely neglected my surroundings and my hygiene, and stopped shaving, showering, brushing my teeth, changing my clothes, etc., for months, to being fully motivated and energetic, feeling refreshed, with the strong desire to be productive again. Infact, I feel as if I'm starting to become or will soon become even more productive then I was pre-Invega.
Yes, this includes my sexual health, I felt as if my dick and balls were basically cut off, with zero sex drive, the complete inability to achieve or maintain an orgasm, absolutely no pleasurable sensation whatsoever, and having very delayed orgasms, and producing no actual semen at all, only a few drops of clear, watery fluid, to having a high sex drive and being very horny again, can reach an orgasm much faster like before, which feels immensely pleasurable and satisfying, and can produce a good, healthy, and normal load of semen again. (I came back to edit it because I realized that I forgot to mention that I could not get or maintain an erection at all initially, but can do so once again just like before, and can get one even without physical touch, even waking up with "morning wood" very often.)
I've also regained the ability to enjoy the other usual activities and hobbies once again, such as music, drawing, gardening, and yes, including playing video games. With music specifically, I can feel fully immersed and enjoy it again. I feel more lively, excited, and energetic when listening tp upbeat music. The same could be said for the opposite, with sad, more mellow music. I feel calmer, more relaxed, and at certain times, especially while listening to nostalgic music, even begin to cry. With that, it brings me to the next feature that I have managed to regain.
I was once, and am once again a very emotional person. I can feel excitement and satisfaction from winning or achieving something difficult, feel concerned or saddened by the loss of someone or seeing and hearing others suffer, such as others here, feel very tense and angry when people disagree with me, specifically all of those people that I've come across, saying bullshit such as that I lied about my side-effects, that I'm being delusional, that I'm using it an excuse to be lazy, that I'm doing it for attention, that I'm too negative about it, despite the fact that it's supposedly not a big deal. This is a few examples of all of the crap I was told over the span of months, until it completely broke me and made me snap towards such people.
My mind was so blank and hindered from being able to think at all at first that I could literally only give one-worded responses, such as yes or no. I basically went minutes, almost hours just being dead silent because my brain was absolutely fried from Invega, and my speech was also very delayed. Now I can have complex, meaningful conversations again, for hours. I can properly understand what the other person is saying and the meaning of it, can think of a reasonable reply/response rather quickly, and can once again speak normally and fluently, just as I could previously. Infact, I could've never written this entire "essay" just a few months ago, I simply couldn't think of how to properly form and structure sentences, let alone paragraphs.
For the first 4 months off of Invega, I literally couldn't sleep at all, not even for a single minute. I don't believe it's usual or typical for people to experience such severe insomnia, even from such substances, but I suppose I was just very unlucky and unfortunate then. I was convinced that this would be the end of me, that I wouldn't live beyond 2023, but after said 4 months, I suddenly regained the ability to sleep gradually and consistently, which improved more and more, to where I can now sleep a full 7 to 8 hours with very few interruptions in between, with very infrequent nightmares about Invega. As a matter of fact, I actually recieved 9 hours of sleep today, not only that, but I can somehow fall asleep faster now then I could even before Invega.
Realistically speaking, I could choose to devote more time and effort into furter explaining how and what else I've managed to regain and recover from, but will leave it as is, mainly because I'm still interested in being more in-depth and detailed in an explanation I'll provide in an upcoming video. And because personally, when I was recently injected with Invega, greatly struggled to speak or read for such an extended amount of time, which you can clearly see is no longer the case here. Lastly, I will admit as I said initially, the likelihood of more severe, permanent damage seems to increase the more and the longer you were on antipsychotics, but I'm still very positive and confident that you people will be able to enjoy your quality of life once again.
Unfortunately, this does mean that you will have to go through severe, unbearable anounts of suffering initially, since there currently isn't exactly a "cure" or "antidote" for the side-effects caused by these so-called medications, but the best you can do is surround yourself with positivity, and most importantly, remain physically active, because once I started going back to the gym consistently, I saw rapid and drastic recovery, up until where I am now, healthy, normal, and functional again. I'll still check and possibly post/reply every once in a while, but because I'm going to focus on work and college again the beginning of next year aside from what I'm currently already doing, I don't intend to be as active or involved as I was a few months ago.
@CrimsonThornX
I dont think I can do it . I could see if 5 mg of zyprexa will work maybe ease off of the blunting as well but as of right now I feel like just stopping completely it could be my PMDD which like i said both med provider and primary care doctors are aware of these moments I just dont let it all out on them they get glimpse i try not go in depth on the world ain't woke part with them lol. But manic been on that ride so many times to know this ain't it lol( i been dealing with "manic since 2015). I wish it was which I am told it is okay to miss it part of my counseling just the crash is what gets you everytime which is the fear and impending doom like the world is ending feeling that is what I am learning to conquer is the crash . On a spiritual note I believe my "manic" was a Kundalini awakening which i dont know if you can find much depth about it anymore but it is similar to psychosis and manic episodes but yeah I am delusional for thinking this in people who dont get it just labeled crazy for it .
