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Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v. 10

IOSIP said:
It was like they were talking directly to me. And I would intetact back to them with excitement and elation thag my favourite youtubers were speaking to me in subliminal messages.

It was total bullshit of course but at the time it was the most incredible thing in the world. They were my friends. I believed the internet was all ai generated and curated specifically for me.

Oh dude.
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It is true. It is not a nonsense.
 
I seriously want to be dead. This isn't the way I want to live the rest of my life. I am a fucking pathetic loser compared to where I was 12 months ago. Life has bent me over and fucked me in the ass.

This has shattered me. To the point i don't see it improving guys. Something is different. My brain is not the same.
 
As much as I have thus forum. I also have nothing. No one can take this pain away. No one well ever truly know what ive lost. I don't know what ive lost. I can't explain what ive lost. But i feel as if ive lost something core go the human experience.

I want to die. I want to die peacefully. But I also don't want to die. I want to live. But the longer this goes on the scarier everything becomes.

Ive said it before but my parents will die. And then who will keep me safe? Thank God i have a dad that can afford to keep ke fed and sheltered for free.

I don't text my friends anymore. I have nothing to say to them. And I feel this disconnect from everyone that I know will grow into a gaping hole i can't come back from.

I really fucked this up. And I can never take it back its killing me.
 
I want to scream i want to cry. But I can't cry. Who will I scream to? I'm off to bed now. Another day of my wasted life done. Tomorrow's will be more of the same.

I keep thinking about the "friend" that gave the drugs that set this whole thing off
I wish I could kill them. I wish I could make them hurt like they have hurt me.

They have taken something from me I will never get back and I can't do a thing about it.

I'm broken absolutely fucking broken.
 
IOSIP said:
I want to scream i want to cry. But I can't cry. Who will I scream to? I'm off to bed now. Another day of my wasted life done. Tomorrow's will be more of the same.

I keep thinking about the "friend" that gave the drugs that set this whole thing off
I wish I could kill them. I wish I could make them hurt like they have hurt me.

They have taken something from me I will never get back and I can't do a thing about it.

I'm broken absolutely fucking broken.
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You will recover bro. From what I see it's only 6 months since you stopped the injections. Hundreds of people here have gone through and experienced what you have, and hundreds more will come. They all recover and move on with their lives, myself included.
 
IOSIP said:
In pyshcosis I had the secrets to the universe. My favourite yourtubers were talking directly to me through the TV screen.

In th aftermath I am nothing but a shattered mess of my former self. I am so scared guys.

I know I keep ranting about this. But I need to get back into work and my ability to do that is so fucked because I can't use my brain. I have motivation I'm really worried thus will be permanent

Why did I make the choices I made. I wish I had a time machine. It was one vad decision after another.
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I feel you. Psychosis is rough.
Luckily I was able to get in disability benefits, for now.
 
IOSIP said:
I seriously want to be dead. This isn't the way I want to live the rest of my life. I am a fucking pathetic loser compared to where I was 12 months ago. Life has bent me over and fucked me in the ass.

This has shattered me. To the point i don't see it improving guys. Something is different. My brain is not the same.
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I felt exactly the same way 6 months and less ago. I know it's hard right now, but you can and will get through this.
 
IOSIP said:
I want to scream i want to cry. But I can't cry. Who will I scream to? I'm off to bed now. Another day of my wasted life done. Tomorrow's will be more of the same.

I keep thinking about the "friend" that gave the drugs that set this whole thing off
I wish I could kill them. I wish I could make them hurt like they have hurt me.

They have taken something from me I will never get back and I can't do a thing about it.

I'm broken absolutely fucking broken.
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Hi I just want to say I feel the same way. I got four injections at the end of 2024. It’s been 3.5 months since and I feel more or less the same. Wish I could die honestly but it’s not easy to die.
 
rawbanana said:
Hi I just want to say I feel the same way. I got four injections at the end of 2024. It’s been 3.5 months since and I feel more or less the same. Wish I could die honestly but it’s not easy to die.
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No shit hey. I never thought seriously about killing myself before. But my god now that I have it makes you marvellous at the people who manage to do it. I'm impressed they had the balls. Because as much as my life is complete fucked I can't bring myself to hurt myself.

It's fucked do I really have to live like this forever. It's a curse man.
 
IOSIP said:
No shit hey. I never thought seriously about killing myself before. But my god now that I have it makes you marvellous at the people who manage to do it. I'm impressed they had the balls. Because as much as my life is complete fucked I can't bring myself to hurt myself.

It's fucked do I really have to live like this forever. It's a curse man.
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I Hope we all survive and speak what kind of torturę goes in psychiatry. But remember all your suffering is not only because of invega
 
IOSIP said:
Remember you never had invega so please don't tell me what my suffering is and isn't from mate. It's 110% from invega.
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Look all forced antipsychotics injections are torture. You might also have traumatised nervous system and soothing IT would improve your life a lot despite the injections. Im dealing with this
 
IOSIP said:
No shit hey. I never thought seriously about killing myself before. But my god now that I have it makes you marvellous at the people who manage to do it. I'm impressed they had the balls. Because as much as my life is complete fucked I can't bring myself to hurt myself.

It's fucked do I really have to live like this forever. It's a curse man.
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I’m the same way I’ve tried twice this year and I couldn’t do it. It’s like part of me hasn’t given up yet. Although I view that part of me as foolish. There’s no way I’m getting better.

I view myself as a complete failure now. I knew better than to let them inject me with this poison. It’s been hard to come to terms with having to die but I genuinely feel like that’s my destiny now. I have no money, no job, a fucked up family, so much anxiety and pain. I know people will see it as me giving up but it’s courageous to kill yourself in my opinion. I hope I can develop that courage.
 
rawbanana said:
I’m the same way I’ve tried twice this year and I couldn’t do it. It’s like part of me hasn’t given up yet. Although I view that part of me as foolish. There’s no way I’m getting better.

I view myself as a complete failure now. I knew better than to let them inject me with this poison. It’s been hard to come to terms with having to die but I genuinely feel like that’s my destiny now. I have no money, no job, a fucked up family, so much anxiety and pain. I know people will see it as me giving up but it’s courageous to kill yourself in my opinion. I hope I can develop that courage.
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I won't sit here and encourage you to commit suicide. But totally could of written this post myself. I completely understand your pain. My anxiety is through the roof to. Invega really fucks your life up.
 
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