Mental Health Coming Off Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) v.2

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Anytime ;)

I also have the mega-writing problem :)

Just wanted to pop in to echo Ho-Chi and request you all try to keep your heads up. I can only begin to imagine the horrible drama some of you have been through with this stuff. I’m consistently impressed with the thoughtful, real sharing in this thread <3

Keep going and keep up the good work all you guys and gals (and andros like me :))!
 
@LifeAfterInvega: all good buddy. some of what you said makes a lot of sense actually. if anyone watched @nybryx's video he posted recently they would know that johnsons has a lot of law suits out against them. sure, a lot of people sue just because now a days but all of those law suits can't be based in "all i want is free money". it's disturbing that these things aren't being investigated and then something done about it instead of just fines, fines, fines. doesn't keep them from doing more harm.

to the room: i only got 4 hours of sleep but i feel way better and alive, probably going to take a nap later but that's to be expected. i had one of the most original and true dreams i've ever had in my life. my muscles hurt but not from them being heavily flooded by prolactin, it's the numb pain from exertion and i can feel them strengthening again finally. i can remember more of a song this morning and not just words but rhythm, flow and sounds; it's clearer in my head. having coincidence flare up. all good things. family hit me back when i turned on my phone, i hate to yell at people but i got a few responses. see how that develops.

i'm going to see how today and possibly tomorrow goes before pushing myself harder but i wanted to get anyone's thoughts on this. going to base the decision off my own thinking but i'm open to anyone just tossing around some ideas.

@toothpastedog: thank you for the words of encouragement. good to hear from you again. we all one people no matter what were going through. enjoy the rest of your weekend.
 
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i'm sorry guys. i really am, i need to vent and idk where else to go so this is ugly. don't read.

what are you f**king stupid?! i said don't read this!!!

i told these stupid mother f**kers this would happen. i told them exactly everything i knew was going to happen when they gave me this damn poison. i told them it wasn't going to be good at all. i tried to make excuses to understand what was done to me was with the best of intentions but i can no longer enable a sick society by pulling the covers over my head and making excuses.

i've had 8 years of my life taken by this symptom before invega and now another 12 to the symptom plus the invega by the time this is all over and i resume full consciousness. i go delirious sometimes lately from how slow this healing process is happening. i lose my shit often, i feel the psychotic breaks come and go. i sit on my couch and let my life go by the wayside for what?! sure i don't have most of the side effects and symptoms pestering me but those few that do are the worse; they are the soul killers, the life stealers, the mind wreckers and most corrosive to the body. emotions? if i get any during times like this they are fleeting at best. i would rather live my life all over again experiencing every bad thing that happened to me, none of the good that happened and even those few unfortunate things left to experience that would put my life at the worse of all time rather than endure much more of this sometimes.

i live with a condition that trying to talk about it is like trying to explain the human condition to aliens in summerian. the symptoms are so rare that some are completely unheard of. the condition doesn't even have a god d**n name or label so i get stuck with whatever they think is closest. it's like trying to get heart surgery done by a f**king plumber or bank teller. i put in my time, paid my dues and worked with the science and the system and in return i got the old boy routine but instead of being released with thousands of dollars and free to do what i want i enter back into the exact same system but much worse than i left it. people running around acting like everything is all good all the time or screaming for freedoms and recognition sounding like lil children and going about everything backasswards. all i see is them being dead inside, the zombies they turned us into and they can't tell they're rushing head long towards death and destruction. everyone willing to open their mouths to say whatever they want and living like their shit don't stink while their entire world is literally falling apart around them. and they don't know it or pretend not to so they can go to sleep easier at night.

i can't wait to be healed because then i can just go about my business while the rest of humanity pisses itself away to oblivion. i'll be lucky not to have permanent damage from the stress i'm going through alone. i'll be fortunate if what i'm going through kills me from the weight of it all. i know i'll fully heal and be stronger from it because my life is the very epitome of this but the really f**ked up thing is no one, not one damn person can tell me what it's all for. everyone else on the poison gets to be part of the learning curve but like always "guess what, your not one of us". as long as everyone else can feel good about themselves or do the happy thing then that's what counts. how much can one person take in this life? we're all about to find out even though no one will be paying attention or using that information for something constructive, productive or for reasons of posterity. aint gonna learn from this shit and even when i figure out why it wont matter, no one will pay attention because they wont be able to. just a bunch of fat mother f**kers laying around in hover chairs all day.

they put the wrong person on this s**t, this poison and they don't even recognize it. but that's ok cause i'm the one who's gotta live with it while everyone else stands around trying to pretend to figure out what's going on. it's no ones fault but my own even though the choices were out of my hands and i properly informed those involved of everything that they needed to know to make the right ones. i'll live with this, i'll keep trying and fighting against the impossible while laughing hysterically to myself and everyone else goes about like nothing is ever going to get bad enough for them to pay attention to the things they constantly miss out of sheer ignorance and stupidity that is self evident through lack of responsibility for just being alive or they'll run away from it by choice.

i would say a lot to god right now but god and i don't talk. i let god and it's children be the best i can which is no easy task considering they force their way into my life every single needless chance they get. i would say a lot to psychiatrists and i have but it doesn't matter. i would say a lot to anyone from any walk of life and they wouldn't get past their own sense of self righteousness. i would rather go back to saying nothing at all like i was pre-invega. but no, they can stick me with a needle but can't undo the damage they've done and why should they?! they were only trying to help, they are only learning and it's my life so what is it to them as long as it's not happening to them.

i just want my life back. apparently that's just too much to ask. so f**k humanity, most people aren't worth the price of the condom that could've prevented all of this in the first place. sure would've made a lot of things easier though.

then again. i'm just some ranting, mentally ill, know nothing, white boy who is off his meds and living in the worse country in the world and i couldn't possibly be saying anything that matters, has a ring of truth to it or should be bothered to be listened to.

i'm human, i'm not perfect and i have my limitations.

i just want my life back.
Email me and well come up with something to get your life back. I dont feel like explaining too much in here for your problems and how to deal with it.

Edit: removed email- please use the PM system or avoid advertising your email address here- swilow
 
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Music to me is the secret coding (just a music share).." Try to ride out the storm
Whilst they'll make you believe
That they are the special ones. (we have not been chosen)
Injustice is the norm
You won't be the first and you know you won't be the last" https://youtu.be/T23AY5gYhpE
 
I can tell invegauser is from a western country by the way he denounces the term "white boy" and uses it in a derogatory fashion. "I'm just another white boy from the worst country in the world" - sounds like something they would say in US, Canada, UK, etc.
 
I can tell invegauser is from a western country by the way he denounces the term "white boy" and uses it in a derogatory fashion. "I'm just another white boy from the worst country in the world" - sounds like something they would say in US, Canada, UK, etc.

Who cares? Is it a secret? I'm from the US. Danville, IL to be exact. 2-3 hours south of Chicago.. U r clearly not from the US. No one would bat a eye at how he used the word "white boy" u perceived it as negative because u r clearly a negative person. U r a troll. Sit down.
 
You live in this echo chamber of victimology that causes you to think anyone who says something you disagree with is a troll, bad or negative person. You don't know anything about my personal character or about who I am as a person and you're completely out of line and disrespectful to curse me out because I said I could feel the effects of cannabis when you claimed you couldn't. If you're unable to handle disagreement in the world then grow up and get out of your bubble where everyone has to feel, talk and think like you. "No one would bat a eye at how he used the word white boy" How is this piece of knowledge obtainable by you?
 
You live in this echo chamber of victimology that causes you to think anyone who says something you disagree with is a troll, bad or negative person. You don't know anything about my personal character or about who I am as a person and you're completely out of line and disrespectful to curse me out because I said I could feel the effects of cannabis when you claimed you couldn't. If you're unable to handle disagreement in the world then grow up and get out of your bubble where everyone has to feel, talk and think like you. "No one would bat a eye at how he used the word white boy" How is this piece of knowledge obtainable by you?

U r dramatic and a negative person. It's shown clearly threw your posts. Sit down! I have no more time to entertain u. ✌
 
I asked my social worker (dipshit) if he would take the injection for ?1,000 he said 'nope', I said 'ten grand?'.. nope!, 'a hundred grand?', nope!, I said and you tell me the injection clears in a month yet you wouldn't take it for a ?100k?? Even the social workers can see this is not something to bargain with, got to give him credit for his honest answer at least

@wild sunshine: I used to really like Muse good tune thanks for sharing
 
I asked my social worker (dipshit) if he would take the injection for ?1,000 he said 'nope', I said 'ten grand?'.. nope!, 'a hundred grand?', nope!, I said and you tell me the injection clears in a month yet you wouldn't take it for a ?100k?? Even the social workers can see this is not something to bargain with, got to give him credit for his honest answer at least

@wild sunshine: I used to really like Muse good tune thanks for sharing

That made me smile and laugh. Hell yea, I bet he wouldn't. We are all warriors after insuring this ordeal.
 
That made me smile and laugh. Hell yea, I bet he wouldn't. We are all warriors after insuring this ordeal.
Definitely warriors, i think you meant to say enduring not 'insuring' lol had me confused what the right word was, brain exercise done for the day!
 
I took it upon myself to start a Facebook group for people recovering from invega sustenna..hopefully when the next wave of invega victims go searching for support or help they will come across my group ..it is pretty empty right now ..if any of you guys interested in joining it ...search Recovering From Invega Sustenna in the search bar and it should pop up ...it is just another outlet for people to go to and stay connected...like I stated before it is pretty empty right now because I just made it ...but feel free to look it up and join in ..
 
Found out a person I was in the mentalward with has been hit with invega sustenna...so far he isn't feeling the negative affects and I really hope he doesnt ..I just find it kinda comforting how the universe really feel and hears your pain..I kept sitting here thinking nobody will understand me through this hell I am going through ...but all of the sudden the guy I felt a soul connection with while I was in mentalward reaches out to me to check on me and I tell him I was on this shot how it ruined my life and he tells me he just started it as well ..me and him were hip to hip in that place ..at the time he was in there for suicidal thought and tendencies he wasnt taking any medication but right when he sat next to me I felt like I knew him from another life time and I mentioned that to him tonight and he agree he felt some kinda of soul spark from me too that I crossed his mind just as much a he crossed mine after we parted ways ..I now feel like I can kinda push on with life having somebody locally going through this madness with me ..thank you universe you heard my cries to join you but you are surely guiding me and showing me my mission down here is not over yet ..one love everybody ?
 
@WildSunShin3: did you see the other FB invega recovery that was started by people here a few years ago? not sure if it's still up and running.

sorry to hear your friend got hit with invega, i hope he doesn't have the negative side effects either. that coincidence i experienced and posted awhile ago is popping up in your life too, good sign in healing. i don't think coincidences ever goes away for those of us who are put on the poison, just more of that removed stuff again. like a blanket pulled over our eyes but the universe and life supply the coincidences, other people too.

if i may? maybe a continued or re-connection of friendship, definitely could help if they go through negative effects (i feel bad for even mentioning that) and maybe even a budding relationship. take it slow, let things happen because your still not fully recovered. either way i think it's a good thing for you. what do you think?
 
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"No one would bat an eye at the way he used white boy" - People aren't defined by their gender and race, by putting these labels of race and gender on people you're dividing them more. Not to mention you'd be butthurt if I said "black boy".
 
@HateInvega: not interested in talking in a PM? that's cool. to each their own. though i rather not talk about it here, i don't want to disrupt the thread. everyone has it bad enough as it is, even those who read but never create an account to post. but it's not up to me, it's your choice.

if Steph78 is black that probably is something you want to keep her confidence on as she hasn't posted it, even if she was the one of her own free will who made the choice to tell you. if she is a sjw, someone with a higher moral value or has a ethical line she wont cross you need to respect that. there is no need to enflame or gas light her.

(edit: i forgot you can't talk about racially charged things today)

even though what i said above (edited out part) is close to the truth and even though that other post was me venting i will admit, it toes if not crosses the line of being wrong. so i was wrong. my apologies.

i take people for who they are whether they know who they are yet, what choices they make on any subject or aspect of their life or realize that none of the things that create problems between other people matter to me.

in case you missed two things. 1. i did post i'm 30's/m/usa. and 2. i said venting. i'm not perfect, i'm not a saint and i'm not falling on my sword either. i try to do the best i can, i fail and i learn so i don't make those mistakes again and continue to spread fear and hatred.

you are one of the only people who has ever accused me of being or playing the victim in my life and after considering what you were saying about me for over 3 hours and then wanting to engage you with conflict and setting you straight; i recognized that would be unreasonable, not necessary and just wrong. i don't want to be like that. i would be proving you right.

what's important here is what is going on with you. i'm not turning the tables on you or trying to single you out. i just see that lately your being irritable towards other people here. it's kind of worse in a way then being a traitor. only those of us who have taken the poison know the extreme suffering we go through. we have here at BL and maybe 2 other places on the net to go to and vent, connect daily to others going through what we are going through, to discuss these things and to find what works to alleviate our suffering if not find an antidote. the rest of the world doesn't believe us, take us seriously or can even begin to put themselves in our shoes. yet you are choosing to focus these negative things on those who are going through this trial with you.

why?

i rather not have you go through that. i rather the rest of the people here not go through that either.

is there something i can do to help you? is there something you would like to say and not have the rest of us judge you? is there something you are afraid of?

we are here to support each other and that includes you. how can we do that?

feel free to PM me. i will keep what is said between you and me as well as not judge you. i don't even have to respond, you can vent to someone in a PM and it wont matter.

just to let you know this is real, i'm being serious and that what you are going through is something another person is choosing to help you with... i have to go grocery shopping, take care of something personal and respond to someones post that i said i would earlier before my day got out of sorts. but i'm here, i'll wait patiently to do what i can to help you through this, hear you out or be told to take a long walk off a short pier.

balls in your court. make a good decision for yourself and everyone here. let's talk this through in a PM. i don't care if all you want to do is tell me how i'm the worse person on the face of the planet. just do it in a PM please?

please stop making things hard on everyone else. they didn't ask for this, just like you didn't. we are all doing the best we can.
 
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I am very tired. It were 21 month after these 2 Injections. Did it ruin so many brain-chells? But why didnot show this the MRT?
 
@Rosi71: doctors don't know everything. we give them time and patience so they can learn and become better.

maybe it is because you are tired of brain and body, poison is very hard on both. i feel same lately but i know it is the comedown meaning towards the end, maybe same for you.

your still within extended average healing range of 2 years. it wont last forever, hang in there Rosi.
 
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