Xeplion=Anhedonia
Greenlighter
Can you find pleasure in other things like movies, video games or sports? Being empty inside and wondering why you are living at all, combined with not being able to experience joy in what you used to enjoy is classic anhedonia. It can be selective though, only focusing on a single (or more) specific modalities (like for instance: music). There have been studies that suggest that there are specific parts of the brain that account for the different modalities. I find it hard to imagine that, unless you are a musician, only losing interest in music can cause life to feel empty. That is, if you enjoy the rest of the things you used to. Just know it gets better over time, you will eventually start enjoying things again. Like often said: 'suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem'.
The only thing I wonder about is that you earlier said: "I also dont feel much like crap and depressed like most of you here." though you think about suicide. That is a contradiction in my eyes. In all my years before this poison, I have not once thought about suicide. It is not considered normal to think about that. It could be though that you just think most of us are feeling worse than bad, which I can imagine considering some of the posts. Just don't underestimate your feelings, that is what I am trying to say.
Could both be the Haldol as Invega Sustenna since both have a high risk of sexual dysfunction. I personally have experienced sexual dysfunction on Risperdal (Risperidone), but not on Xeplion (Invega Sustenna). It is often dosage dependent but since you are not receiving either any more my bet is on the Invega Sustenna. I think most people recover from that at month 4 to 5. Don't hold me responsible if it doesn't though, it is more of a guideline than a rule.
Insomnia is a very common side-effect, but not mentioned that much because I think for most it is not the worst of them all. Not being able to feel sleepy sounds very bad though and can be dangerous to your health as well. You might want to check that out, though do not just take pills for it. I am not sure what most do about it, I just have to accept that I can barely fall asleep, wake up several times during the night and feel more exhausted waking up than going to sleep. I refuse to get dependent on another drug, which probably doesn't even work.
That kinda explains the importance of sex (and not being able to). In some cultures it is a lot more important than others. Having the fear of it to be permanent is scary though, but since you can ejaculate watery stuff it will most likely be a temporary problem. I think some have mentioned trying to get your prolactine level checked out, but someone else should confirm this.
I wish you all the best in recovering.
. Thanks for the reply, I would go just about anywhere in the world if I could go through a possible psychosis without any anti-psychotics. Getting as far away from the nearest society is currently the only way to avoid getting into the hands of people who will call the cops and force an AP on me. You can tell here in The Netherlands beforehand that you do not wish to receive medication, but if you are a danger to yourself or others, or when you have to be submitted for too long, they can force you on AP's anyways. Being psychotic equals a possible danger for yourself or others and not receiving an AP will always have you submitted longer than without AP's. This means you will get violated with this poison no matter what. No thank you, I would rather just die in the woods if I get psychotic again (due to pro-psychotic 'anti'-psychotics).