@germanbackyard: thank you for sharing your story. seems like it wont ever end but it will. it's not just invega/xeplion that does this, it's different psych meds for different people. the four culprits are the ones i listed and they are the worse. i'm not of the belief that once it's out of our system that the damage is done and over with. doesn't make sense to me considering half life calculations (i never did my own though, just other people's). what i think happened is the receptor gets trained a certain way, disabled, over whelmed. the brain is the hardest thing to heal from trauma. the body the quickest, the heart and soul somewhere in the middle of the two. the brain is so sensitive that when it gets damaged it takes awhile to repair itself. we can help it along the way but we can't mend it like we can the body with surgery. there is still a lot about the human brain that is unknown.
it doesn't mean this lasts forever, just takes a lil while and during this time we try to do the best we can.
seems sertraline/zoloft is a contributing factor. there are other cases on the net and one here in the Mental Health forum who are going through something similar. read their stories and arm yourself with info, it wouldn't hurt.
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/859645-Why-does-Sertraline-zombify-me
in your post #6824 in response to dirtyinvega is it irony or coincidence?
keep trying things. i started with the cheapest and worked my way up cause i don't have a lot of money from not being able to work. we always try to find the antidote to the poison here, your case is not much different. if you find something that works for you it might be the antidote people suffering from invega/xeplion are looking for as well and vice versa. the reason i say this and also about the 4 psych meds is because they have four receptors in common that they target. D(2) dopamine receptor, D(1A) dopamine receptor, D(3) dopamine receptor and 5-Hydroxytryptomine 2A receptor. most people who suffer believe it's that last one, the 5HT2A receptor that is disabled and causing the suffering.
that pic is exactly how we all imagine ourselves to be and felt during this trial. speaks volumes doesn't it.
those flashes are good for two reasons. 1. you are experiencing something positive so it's a good sign you will fully recovery. 2. it's progress your making in the recovery process. that's why people say keeping working at it. so it looks like you do have some good news after all.
@Empty1128: yes! i like the simmering rage you got there. know why? cause it means you got emotion in there, it means you got your limits and once you reach those limits your going to start pushing back against the hold xeplion has over you. determination is one of the best things in cases like this in life. your not going to be making conscious effort to make it happen mostly, it's your resilience peeking it's head up and doing it. after the zombie phase comes windows and waves because we make progress on different levels. but you can aid it in continuing to keep working at the healing process. your going to be all good. maybe too good. i think i'll call Italy and tell them to watch out for this guy i know by the name of Empty1128 in the next year, he's going to be living life to the fullest and the rest of italy might be in danger of having a good time. XD
@Rosi71: no one has lost their emotions forever. even those of us who take longer than others still have more emotion then when first taking the poison. some of us take a lil longer than others and make small improvements because we're all different. your doing better than when you first signed up here. you have said so yourself and so have a couple others. this is a good thing. say it to yourself, this is a good thing.
@I_Want_To_Recover: that's a tough one. how about you make two lists. one of things you have tried so far and another of things you have yet to try. if you need ideas read some of those from this thread and write them down. germanbackyard has an extensive list and a good one to start with. that's kind of you and very supportive to say in the rest of your post. thanks for checking back in with us. we'll still be here if you keep posting.
@Yeshuah: you and a few others have mentioned about not being able to engage with psychiatry when you suffer like this. it really made me mad too. "hello? are you listening? you made me like this and now your saying it can't be from this med. how does that makes sense?" even when i communicate with them in my normal way it's still a task unto itself now that i'm healed. you do the best you can and work within your limitations. the being able to engage and communicate will come back fully in time.
@Ali_Choudhry: glad to hear you made a decision, well two actually. now you can let the healing begin and get back to living your life again. remember, take it one day at a time, a lot of what Yeshuah has been talking about lately and also this thread. everything is going to be just fine.
@dirtyinvega: my old man was (and still kinda is) an a**hole. he made us understand nothing is universal and that anything that is written in stone is immutable. so i proved to him a few different times along the way in my life on how he was wrong and helped him to understand so we could both grow and learn (maybe that's one of the good things that came about from my own trial as well). i'm the type of person who sees something is written in stone and i break stone (not all the time, i learned how not to be so eager about it all the time, or at least when not to act on it.). so i don't want you to get the idea that i'm going to tell you your wrong, that's too black and white for me and wrong of me to tell you. instead i'm gonna do a really bad job of relating what someone here told me in a PM (the reason why really bad is because i erased it and can't remember most of it right now.).
the message that got through to me built on top of one thing i already knew about this life. about how we perceive things. that it can change on matter of our own perspective, other peoples perspective and that it is only one task that we focus on here, our trial. when we're done with our trial and fully healed we aren't done with life, we move on to the next thing. we will have many obstacles in our life, many things that we will need to do to overcome something and that somethings we do are not even about obstacles but just doing what we need to do to go on living in this world, the practical things. "make friends with change, it's the only thing you can count on."
life is an odd thing. happiness and peace of mind are fleeting. we get to experience them and not be able to hold onto them forever but only for a moment in comparison to the whole of our lifetime. it goes away and we work towards that peace of mind and happiness (however that looks for the individual) and try to obtain it again so we can enjoy it while it lasts and chase after it again when it's gone. this is a constant in life. we want to hold onto that good thing forever but forever is not even forever because in this universe nothing lasts forever. even the stars will fall from the sky one day, the universe will collapse on itself and all life will cease to exist. it is in this moment what we have and what we do with it that counts. past, present and future are all the same thing: a perception of reality and who we are as individuals and what we do with what we got. choices. so appreciate what you have when you have it, even those fleeting semi emotions (they are definitely better than the anhedonia in full bloom).
what your experiencing today might not be the same thing a year from now. you might have your full emotions back again. keep doing what your doing and see what tomorrow brings cause you never know. (remember, we know more about the poison in some ways than psychiatry but combined knowledge of both doesn't equate to fully understanding invega/xeplion. that's why i say it is experimental, they didn't know what they were putting out there.)
i say this because i see how the poison is still affecting you a lil bit but i also see the passion in your eyes. the eyes are the window to the soul. i see you in there, your emotions and wants. they are alive and kicking, they are waiting to come to the surface again and shine. and they will. if it's in you then it's only a matter of time before it comes to the surface again. maybe this one small aspect of the healing process for you is dragging on but your healed in all other ways. remember, we're all different and heal in different ways and at different rates.
that being said. nice video. i knew it, i'm the ugliest person here, haha. i think you covered quiet a bit. you weren't as comprehensive in the side effect/withdrawal symptoms as you would like to have been but that isn't a bad thing.... progress, not perfection. you spoke very well and slow enough for people to understand i think. you were well structured and stuck to your script from what i could tell (i think the dog in the background agrees with me. sounds like he's about 2 to 4 stones). we both agree you got your message across.
there are certain aspects and functions of the brain that are hard to describe for anyone, and i mean anyone. from einstein to aristotle to socrates to j.k rowling and stephen king. that's why we as people tell stories. something to relate to, get most of what we're trying to describe out there and don't over do it where we can really lose people on what we're saying (including losing ourselves). those emotions and how they are working for you right now i think we can all relate on during one part of the trial or another.
the sound seems to be a lil high on the recording device. with all the different kinds of technology and tolerances that comes with it, it takes a lil time to learn and adjust to what works best. i think you have it up a lil too high and that whistle germanbackyard is talking about will go away if you maybe try moving the mic closer to you (if you can) and turning down the volume a lil bit. (if you have speakers on that might be interfering too.)
i noticed those DS games too, pretty sweet. is that deathnote series i see as well?
thank you for getting your message out there. i think we all enjoyed it, i know i did. getting the info out there will help others who might find themselves in the same situation one day. it also helps those here relate easier coming from a real person.
