Hey everyone,
I wanted to thank you all for giving me hope during what was hands down the most difficult period of my life and being vulnerable and honest enough to share your experiences on here. I was one of the luckier ones who recovered 90%+ in about 6 months. I also managed to find a good psychiatrist who acknowledged how terrible psychiatric medications are for most people and helped me get off them. I had two shots (390 mg total) injected in the beginning of June 2020 and they chemically lobotomized me to the point I could literally not feel any joy or think and suffered to an extent I never even imagined was possible. I lost my ability to enjoy everything from music to working out to reading, and had to struggle every minute of every day to stay alive. I didn't know if I was ever going to feel like myself again, or if my inner monologue would ever come back, and this thread really helped give me hope, even though it also depressed me because the vast majority of people took a lot longer to recover than I did. After a lot of trial and error I found a teaspoon of Mucana Puriens with 300 mg of EGCG was the most helpful supplement combination for me, and that along with a few other things are what I credit for helping me recover as quickly as I did.
The first two months were the worst hell imaginable for me, partially because I had a typical terrible psychologist and psychiatrists who not only refused to empathize at all with my predicament but also convinced me stay on Lithium, which made the affects of the Invega significantly more pronounced by further blocking my neurotransmitters, and partially because I had such a high dose of Invega in my system that I could literally receive no dopamine/serotonin or feel any pleasure. The only way I survived was binge-watching YouTube and TV 24/7. I literally couldn't even play video games because of how brain-dead I was. I also forced myself to lift weights 3 times a week, even though I could get literally no pleasure from it and it was hell on earth. I still put on tons of fat like everyone else.
After two months I switched to the good psychiatrist who I'm who helped me get off the pharmaceutical poisons they claim to be "medications", and a couple weeks later I had my first real breakthrough and was able to experience joy from yoga and meditation again. I found this to be the most amazing and helpful thing for me, because the dopamine release was so intense I could feel it before I could feel anything else, including drugs, alcohol, sex, music, etc. If anyone is interested I specifically found Kundalini yoga to be the most helpful, and this particular YouTube video is my favorite : . I would do a little bit of yoga and stretch before doing that guided meditation almost every day, because it was the only thing I could enjoy. I believe doing this regularly greatly aided my recovery, and gave me a dopamine rush at a time nothing else could. After I finished the guided meditation and got a dopamine rush I could actually enjoy one or two songs which was amazing, and in and of itself worth the time and effort.
After three months I was able to feel Marijuana and Alcohol again and get high/drunk. I used to be a hardcore pot head and smoked all the time, but since my parents calling the cops on me while I was experiencing paranoia during a bad trip was what lead to me being hospitalized and given invega shots in the first place, I decided to stay off the weed and only smoked once. The fact I was actually able to fget high gain gave me hope that I was getting better. About three and a half months in my thoughts slowly started to come back, and with enough concentration and will power I could (sort of) think enough coherent words to pray in my head as opposed to out loud. By this time I could think enough to play video games which made life 5 times better, since it was a great way to kill time while I waited to fully recover. By the third week of the third month I could enjoy going for walks again, and enjoy a little bit of music. It wasn't what it used to be, but I was still able to enjoy maybe 15-45 minutes a day, which was life-changing for me. By this point in time my sex drive was (sort of) coming back, I was (sort of) able to think, and even though life wasn't what it used to be I had hope I would get through the recovery process.
Four months in was when I really started to feel like myself again. My sex drive and my inner monologue finally came back, I could listen to music again and feel it like I used to, and since I could think, I could read again, which used to be one of my favorite past times and quickly became my favorite way to kill time while I waited to fully recover. Being able to enjoy working out was one of the last things to come back for me, but after four and a half months I felt good enough to enjoy cardio again, which was a relief unlike anything I can put into words. I felt like I was 90% better at this point, but in reality I was more like 70%. That being said I felt amazing because I knew I had survived and was going to make a full recovery, and as a result I felt a sense of gratitude and love for life unlike anything else I have ever experienced. Losing my ability to think and imagine made me realize how much of a miracle it was. I used to be more into eastern philosophy and Buddhism, which preach "the mind is the cause of all suffering" but after suffering for so long without a mind, the quote "I think therefore I am" by Rene Descartes made much more sense to me. I used to take things like having a sex drive, being able to enjoy a good song or hike, or being able to think about a good book I just read for granted, but after being deprived of them for so long, I realized those things were all miracles.
Five months in I felt like I had enjoyed being (mostly) recovered long enough to get off my ass and finally get a job. I was still overweight and couldn't really enjoy things like weightlifting yet, but I felt good enough to feel like I could handle working, and so I did. At this point I got significantly better every single day, and literally everything was more enjoyable than it was a few months prior. Even things I had done throughout the whole process of recovery like watching TV and Youtube felt better than they had before, and I started to feel capable of having intelligent discussions and debates with people again.
Six months in I was finally able to get an endorphin rush from weight lifting and working out like I used to, and I felt pretty much 100% recovered. I was still out of shape and getting back in shape was kind of a pain (it still is almost 8 months later) but being able to feel good from the workouts was, and is absolutely amazing.
I understand my experience is not everybody's and I'm extremely lucky to have recovered this quickly. I think psychiatric medications are, to be quite blunt, poisons used to chemically lobotomize people, and I hope that somehow, someday, the people who give out these injections like candy will suffer accordingly for the immeasurable pain they have inflicted on so many of us. It may seem impossible, but maybe if enough people like us band together and find a way to show the world the torture we have gone through they will listen to us. Please lmk if any of you need someone to talk to or lean on during this process. I would not have survived if this form didn't exist to make me think recovery was possible, and I want to be there for as many of you as I can.
