Cold Turkey Starting -Questions-

[Somanyoops]

I've been given a second chance. I havent lost my entire life yet. My mom offered to pay off my credit cards. I'm re-applying to school. My Girlfriend doesn't know and hasn't left me yet (although I have some mending to do with our relationship). The only catch? I have to cold turkey right now and find a job. I have a therapist appointment on monday as it was a compromise to my parents after I convinced them I am recreational instead of addict, although I know better. point is I have a lot of things going for me in comparison to other people on 2 year of opiate use.

I'm going to cold turkey off of H starting tomorrow morning. I have been on for 5 days now, and was off for 3 days prior. I detoxed cold turkey, went through HELL, vomit nonstop, aches,pains, chills, sweats, insomnia, didnt eat or drink for 3 days . I was coming off 8 months of H use at high doses. I felt the withdrawals break on the third day and felt great, was going to the gym and right after I picked up. So now is day 5 of the relapse, and I'm on a third of the dose I was daily but need to stop before its out of hand as I am determined to get my life on track.

I always tell myself I can fight through it and hang out on the computer the entire time, but then wind up crying in bed so I hope I can do it this time (I play MMORPGs so I enjoy playing them while I'm sick just have a hard time getting energy).

So Tomorrow I will begin my cold turkey off from a 5 day relapse.

Here are my questions
-What do you suggest I do to keep myself busy during sober days immediately after withdrawals. I have no friends that are sober aside from my GF and she will be working all day for the next week. Idle hands are the problem where I find myself seeking out and need to keep busy.

-People who have been sober for extended periods, do you find life is great being sober once you adjusted? I remember my life being so fufilling, having money and doing whatever I want, its just been so long I can almost not imagine it anymore.

-Are there any tips for cold turkey wd? I have 60 tablets of 2mg immodium, some caffiene pills because I feel like it helps me personally, even though data suggests otherwise, and I have multi vitamins and tea. I've never thrown up before from oxy wds but my first h wd was BRUTAL and so much worse, I'm hoping this 5 day binge from a 3 day cleanstreak doesnt put me back fully where I was, even though I bet it did.



Wish me luck, this is about the end of my rope if I don't do I really don't know how much I have left in the tank.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey oops and welcome to Bluelight and to SL Congratulations on makeing the descion to get clean. Here are some medications you may want to explore using as they can make a huge difference.

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

Your Personal Opiate Withdrawal Arsenal

As far as filling your tiime once tha acutes are over.. I would use some of this time to address and heal from your addiction. Here are some options you may want to look at for doing this.
Twelve-Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups
SMART Recovery (Support Group information and discussion)
Varied Approaches to Addiction Recovery

Most people focus on the acutes.. and these can be rough.. but for many people the real battle lies in the PAWS and Addiction.
PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Managing depressive thinking

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
Here is the mindfulness thread.


So I would look through the options out there for support with addiction. I would join a gym and make regular exercise a part of your recovery plan.. it is really an amazing tool in so many recovering peoples lives as it relives stress, helps us sleep, makes us high, and really just has so many benefits.

Exercise and Mood
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out


So I know there are allot of links there and a bunch of information. But it all has been really helpful to me in my recovery and seems to have helped quite a few other people to help themselves.

You are going to do this!! It only takes a few days to wander out of the tunnel.. and then if you plan and implement a strong recovery plan you will never have to do this again. Should find some good suport here on Bluelight as well

 

[caseface99]

Welcome Soman!

I feel for you, I really do. I have been in your situation so many times - went through cold turkey only to relapse and do it all over again, many, many times. The good news is this CAN be your last time and you DON'T have to go through this again. I'm really happy to hear how much you have going for you right now - you're right about how fortunate you are for having been on opiates for two years and not lost too much yet. NSA posted links to some great resources that I would recommend reading when you get the chance, information is your friend here.

As far as your questions, staying busy can definitely help a lot. Aside from playing video games like you mentioned try getting outside as much as you feel up to, direct sunlight actually helps quite a bit in my experience, not sure why but I always felt at my best during withdrawals whenever I was sitting out in the sun. If not out in the sun, hot showers/baths are huge. Once you get some energy back, get back into going to the gym and working out - get those natural opiate-like chemicals flowing again. Get back into some old hobbies if you had any - be aware that the things you used to have fun doing may not seem fun anymore at first but don't give up on them.

Adjusting to sobriety can definitely be difficult but it DOES get better. Life while using is simpler, in a sense - but it's not remotely fulfilling and it's completely miserable. In sobriety you GET to accomplish things, overcome challenges and build self esteem. You have the opportunity to better yourself and complete goals. The longer you stay sober, the more of a life you can/will build for yourself and believe me it's definitely worth it. Some of the greatest memories in my entire 22 years of living were made during the last 9 months that I have been sober.

I wasn't totally clear on this? Does your girlfriend know you have been using? Getting sober in a relationship can be tricky, because regardless of whether or not your make a positive change, the fact is that you are going to change a lot as a person once you get off the drugs. The actively using "you" and the real "you" are not the same, and I have seen that become an issue for a lot of couples - including a relationship I was in during once of my attempts at getting clean a couple years back. So be aware of that. Did you guys get together before or after you started using? Also just clarify whether or not she knows you're using/addicted.


Keep us updated! Best of luck to you, You can do this!

 

[Somanyoops]

Welcome Soman!

I feel for you, I really do. I have been in your situation so many times - went through cold turkey only to relapse and do it all over again, many, many times. The good news is this CAN be your last time and you DON'T have to go through this again. I'm really happy to hear how much you have going for you right now - you're right about how fortunate you are for having been on opiates for two years and not lost too much yet. NSA posted links to some great resources that I would recommend reading when you get the chance, information is your friend here.

As far as your questions, staying busy can definitely help a lot. Aside from playing video games like you mentioned try getting outside as much as you feel up to, direct sunlight actually helps quite a bit in my experience, not sure why but I always felt at my best during withdrawals whenever I was sitting out in the sun. If not out in the sun, hot showers/baths are huge. Once you get some energy back, get back into going to the gym and working out - get those natural opiate-like chemicals flowing again. Get back into some old hobbies if you had any - be aware that the things you used to have fun doing may not seem fun anymore at first but don't give up on them.

Adjusting to sobriety can definitely be difficult but it DOES get better. Life while using is simpler, in a sense - but it's not remotely fulfilling and it's completely miserable. In sobriety you GET to accomplish things, overcome challenges and build self esteem. You have the opportunity to better yourself and complete goals. The longer you stay sober, the more of a life you can/will build for yourself and believe me it's definitely worth it. Some of the greatest memories in my entire 22 years of living were made during the last 9 months that I have been sober.

I wasn't totally clear on this? Does your girlfriend know you have been using? Getting sober in a relationship can be tricky, because regardless of whether or not your make a positive change, the fact is that you are going to change a lot as a person once you get off the drugs. The actively using "you" and the real "you" are not the same, and I have seen that become an issue for a lot of couples - including a relationship I was in during once of my attempts at getting clean a couple years back. So be aware of that. Did you guys get together before or after you started using? Also just clarify whether or not she knows you're using/addicted.


Keep us updated! Best of luck to you, You can do this!

Hiho. I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years and only started using the last 2, in which shes cited noticing differences in my behavior, which I told her was depression and I'm being treated. Shes so supportive, which is another reason I'm really trying to get off and cut my losses.

Thank you for the links, and the kind words. I'm just now starting to get sick. Usually when I detox it is very intense, however very quick. The longest I've had wd's for is 3 days and by that third day I'm starting to gain alot of energy back and feel better. I usually go into this hardcore mode where everything is amplified for 2 hours and then all the sudden I burst into a pool of sweat and poof all my wd's are gone. Its a very weird thing and my friends have no idea what I mean when I say it because they don't experience it the same way, however I think of myself as fortunate in that aspect. I know that being sick now, means if I stay off by Monday night I should be feeling much much better. I'm just hoping I can get that far. I've been cut off financially, however not given up on. My mom pays for my car, school and health care. I also found a job today at a restraunt as a server starting next week, so I need to stay off for sure. I'm working on getting back to where I was but so much of my life is a trigger and my lifestyle has shifted so much I need to remind myself how to live sober. Next three days will be brutal, however my girlfriend is going to be at work so I'll be left to my own devices at home alone, on the computer and in bed. Bah!

 

[caseface99]

^^ NA has a great, new book that came out recently called "living clean". It's similar to AA's "living sober" book, except it's way more in depth, comprehensive, and most importantly RELEVANT to our generation and todays society. I've only read a few of the chapters so far but I've been meaning to buy my own copy - just the few chapters I read really helped me a lot. Just a suggestion, I don't exactly how you feel about 12 step programs but this book isn't about the 12 steps anyway it simply addresses many of the different challenges that recovering addicts face in recovery while adjusting to sober life, and ways in which you can approach and deal with different situations.

There is a lot of other great literature out there, as well. Some of the most helpful stuff I have read is Buddhist literature, like various books on happiness by the Dalai Lama and a couple by Pema Chodron (a well known Buddhist teacher and author).


It's really great that your girlfriend is so supportive. She must really love you if you have been together for that long. What is your main reason for not telling her, if you don't mind me asking? Are you afraid she will leave you? That she won't understand or will think of you differently? She may not be able to fully understand, but she also may still choose to keep being supportive and might actually really appreciate the honesty and think highly of you for coming clean. Would it not be a huge help to have the support of there woman you love while dealing with this? She sounds like a really great person. I'm not saying you should tell her, thats entirely your decision - just some food for thought.

Stay strong man, stick with it through the weekend. You have so much going for you and the support of loved ones - utilize all the support you can get and kick this addictions ass!

 

[neversickanymore]

NA Living Clean Approval Draft PDF

 

[Somanyoops]

It's really great that your girlfriend is so supportive. She must really love you if you have been together for that long. What is your main reason for not telling her, if you don't mind me asking? Are you afraid she will leave you? That she won't understand or will think of you differently? She may not be able to fully understand, but she also may still choose to keep being supportive and might actually really appreciate the honesty and think highly of you for coming clean. Would it not be a huge help to have the support of there woman you love while dealing with this? She sounds like a really great person. I'm not saying you should tell her, thats entirely your decision - just some food for thought.

Thank you for the kind words and suggestions. I appreciate it. As far as my gf goes, she is the nicest, most innocent person I've ever met. I used to be a Division I football athlete and was in insane shape, had a great job making money in the off season, full ride and all that. I chalked my departure of school up to depression and unfortunately the last year I've made a habit of borrowing money from my girlfriend who is very very succesful this far in life. The only reason I've not told her is because she has told me she thinks my depression is holding us both back and she has given me money at the drop of a dime at any time I've asked. Sometimes legit, most not. To tell her now she would make the connection and feel beyond betrayed which I don't want. I have her support for my depression and she understands I have bad days, and is always there for me regardless of my issues. My ultimate goal is to clean myself up, start the gym again and make my life a complete turn around for us. I want her to see wow he is feeling better and back to his old self, but until I feel like I am completely hopeless (which I hope I never get to that point) I will keep it to myself

-- I also informed my mom I would be detoxing. And she got melatonin, gatorade, and some tylenols. She is concerned naturally and I think both of our biggest worries is after the detox how I handle staying off in my spare time.

 

[Somanyoops]

Today is day 2, Im doing realllly bad. Been fighting cravings because I KNOW i can go score whenever I want. I cant delete numbers that are memorized and I have cash in front of me. Im getting through it because my girlfriend is off work for 8 days in 2 days and I know my body, I'll be good to go in 2 more days and free to enjoy my 8 days of my girlfriend completely off work. Looking forward to it. I just have some insane cravings and theyre giving me anxiety and Im really cold. Fuck its rough.

 

[Somanyoops]

Have been clean about 7 days now. Still reaping the issues of things I did while under the influence. But feel real good not being a fucking slave.

 

[caseface99]

Wow Somanyoops keep it up! You are doing so amazing right now, just incredible! You should really be proud... You have no idea how many times I have seen people relapse after 1-2 days and not even try again any time soon. (not to mention how many times I've done that myself )

Seriously, keep doing what you're doing. I know it sucks dealing with the wreckage you caused in your addiction, but the good news is that in sobriety you GET to deal with that shit and make it right. With time you will be able to show loved ones that you really are changing yourself and will begin to gain back trust and support and mend relationships you thought were lost forever. Just don't give up and lose motivation.

 

[Somanyoops]

Wow Somanyoops keep it up! You are doing so amazing right now, just incredible! You should really be proud... You have no idea how many times I have seen people relapse after 1-2 days and not even try again any time soon. (not to mention how many times I've done that myself )

Seriously, keep doing what you're doing. I know it sucks dealing with the wreckage you caused in your addiction, but the good news is that in sobriety you GET to deal with that shit and make it right. With time you will be able to show loved ones that you really are changing yourself and will begin to gain back trust and support and mend relationships you thought were lost forever. Just don't give up and lose motivation.

Thank you. I've been trying to find my old social circle (sober friends/or drinking only) and get back to my gym roots. Its been a struggle, cravings are the real deal way stronger then I assumed they would be, but everytime I've tried to cave I just remind myself its ALWAYS up to me, and deep down I need to be a man and just say no. There is no simpler way then just self discipline and saying no. Ive been using opiates for 2 years and never said no, theres no time like the present. I appreciate your support it is taken to heart. thank you!

 

[anythingbutsober]

that's amazing! keep it up. like caseface said, there are so many of us (including me!) that don't even make it through one day of withdrawals before starting the cycle all over again. you are well on your way to getting your life back! we're all behind you!

 

[Somanyoops]

I know I posted this hey uhhh in March. and looking back I laugh because of how still naive I was. My girlfriend (of liek 8 years) wound up leaving me after me dominating her bank account on a regular basis. Many years down the drain there. I wound up getting a banging job and not being able to maintain, left went to rehab for 40 days. I'm home now, 60 days clean tomorrow. Feels good, barely thinking about using at all anymore now that the initial sickness has gone. Made some new, clean friends along the way. Just posting back because I would always read threads like this where the person never came back and I'd just assume theyre still out there.

So yeah, its possible. Here's to finding a new gf eventually and moving on.