Needhelpfast1
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2020
- Messages
- 39
Hey I've read this forum extensively for a few months and now I feel ready to look for a bit of help or direction with my problem or maybe just someone that can relate to any of my points.. Or maybe some hard truths spoken from somebody other than my inner dialogue..
Since beginning of November I've been a daily user of cocaine (insufflated only) I'm 30 years old female in OK health not over or underweight and prior to this Ive been a recreational user since I was 18, using once or twice a month tops on nights out, slowly went to weekly in last 6 months and now as I said daily for the past 3 months, heard all the stories + never thought it would happen to me. But here I am.
I'd just like to say the idea of smoking or iv hasn't even entered my thoughts and I don't see it ever happening.
So I have no family near me not close to mum or dad, only child, geographically they aren't nearby, I'm in a relationship and living with a very narcissistic Sociopath, sounds stupid already, doesn't it. 'Just get out'.. I wish it was that easy. Last 4 years spent with him I've never found the strength to do so I have code pendency issues I'm gettin help for and he makes it more torture not Bein with him than it is.. Anyway I digress..
I have pretty much unlimited access to this drug, it's right under my nose all the time, I won't go into detail too much but I'm sure you can work out why.
It started out, just a lil boost to get me through the days, and do u know what as I type that now.. I think I'm lying to myself, I think it was out of boredom and the fact that I know the value of it yet its free to me was exciting, and It just passed the time, I know I need a hobby. I kept sayin yeah I'll stop end of the week, that old chestnut.. Now here I am.. I feel so stuck in a rut and nobody knows!
I have a 2 year old and use daily while he's at nursery between 9 and 4pm ish. This is why Im too scared to see a doctor. After a couple of weeks of daily use , I'd be gettin into bed and my nose started hurting badddd. That's when I found this forum looking for nose care so I started doing saline rinses and at the end of each night I'd take a couple paracetamol, rinse with himalayan saltwater and some bicarb and then mineral oil which has kept my nose OK ish and I see no septum damage (yet) or blood just soreness still when I'm finished for the day for a couple hours. I also eat well before and after, and take fish oils, magnesium turmeric n other supplements to reduce harm although I know full well that's impossible with this chronic use and I'm playing with fire now.
The reason I know this is the past few weeks I've started having quite bad anxiety while on it, had a couple panic attacks too, have felt a tingly numbness in my lower leg and sometimes near my elbow, dizziness and I know these sensations are mostly my anxiety because I feel one tiny sensation and think straight away I'm havin a stroke or heart attack and it makes everything 20x more intense. anyway I had a bit of a mental breakdown one morning last week, so went to see an osteomyolegist, I didn't tell him about the drug use but told him about my anxiety and my leg tingling. He clicked me back into place and gave me acupuncture and told me about how we have the central and parasympathetic nervous system, and how the 'casing' of one of mine I think he said central has worn away due to a mineral deficiency and the stress and anxiety and that I'm just running in a fight or flight mode, gave me little micro needle in my ear to squeeze now and then which helps the nervous system apparently and some magnesium and b vitamins to take. But I just feel stupid, I know the truth.
Sorry about the rambling I'm all over the place
So I don't know what I'm looking for in the way of responses, but basically it's at a point now where it doesn't even feel good when I take it, it helps me keep my house clean that's the only benefit, and gives me a lil energy boost, then come afternoon I feel anxious sick and weak and scared. Yet I can't stop doing it!? When I do have the odd day off, I feel fine, tired and grumpy at first but then happy and connected to those around me but then there it is again and I take it because WHY! and ruin my own day.. Surely I'm not getting dopamine from it now, I don't feel euphoric on it at all! I feel like it's more a habit now, the habit of sniffing something I seem to enjoy maybe?? And I know it's destroying me inside.. I need to stop I'm ready to stop but I can't tell Anybody close to me about this, and I've made steps to stop having it in my reach but it's still around so hence why I'm here, I know everyone says to remove the triggers but Im being honest and saying if that was possible I'd be fine, I can't afford a daily drug habit so i wouldn't if it wasn't near, I need to find the inner strength. I'd like to be able to see it and not want to, I have done a couple of times.. I know I can I have to! I gave up smoking cold turkey before, that was a habit, after I ate something had a fag, get in the car had a fag etc etc..
Also I've noticed I find it harder to reach orgasm now! Even when I've come down and not on it, It just takes forever if at all to get there!
Sorry for the long post, feels good to get all this out of my head,
Sorry if I've put anything I wasn't supposed to happy to edit if I need to
Xxx
Since beginning of November I've been a daily user of cocaine (insufflated only) I'm 30 years old female in OK health not over or underweight and prior to this Ive been a recreational user since I was 18, using once or twice a month tops on nights out, slowly went to weekly in last 6 months and now as I said daily for the past 3 months, heard all the stories + never thought it would happen to me. But here I am.
I'd just like to say the idea of smoking or iv hasn't even entered my thoughts and I don't see it ever happening.
So I have no family near me not close to mum or dad, only child, geographically they aren't nearby, I'm in a relationship and living with a very narcissistic Sociopath, sounds stupid already, doesn't it. 'Just get out'.. I wish it was that easy. Last 4 years spent with him I've never found the strength to do so I have code pendency issues I'm gettin help for and he makes it more torture not Bein with him than it is.. Anyway I digress..
I have pretty much unlimited access to this drug, it's right under my nose all the time, I won't go into detail too much but I'm sure you can work out why.
It started out, just a lil boost to get me through the days, and do u know what as I type that now.. I think I'm lying to myself, I think it was out of boredom and the fact that I know the value of it yet its free to me was exciting, and It just passed the time, I know I need a hobby. I kept sayin yeah I'll stop end of the week, that old chestnut.. Now here I am.. I feel so stuck in a rut and nobody knows!
I have a 2 year old and use daily while he's at nursery between 9 and 4pm ish. This is why Im too scared to see a doctor. After a couple of weeks of daily use , I'd be gettin into bed and my nose started hurting badddd. That's when I found this forum looking for nose care so I started doing saline rinses and at the end of each night I'd take a couple paracetamol, rinse with himalayan saltwater and some bicarb and then mineral oil which has kept my nose OK ish and I see no septum damage (yet) or blood just soreness still when I'm finished for the day for a couple hours. I also eat well before and after, and take fish oils, magnesium turmeric n other supplements to reduce harm although I know full well that's impossible with this chronic use and I'm playing with fire now.
The reason I know this is the past few weeks I've started having quite bad anxiety while on it, had a couple panic attacks too, have felt a tingly numbness in my lower leg and sometimes near my elbow, dizziness and I know these sensations are mostly my anxiety because I feel one tiny sensation and think straight away I'm havin a stroke or heart attack and it makes everything 20x more intense. anyway I had a bit of a mental breakdown one morning last week, so went to see an osteomyolegist, I didn't tell him about the drug use but told him about my anxiety and my leg tingling. He clicked me back into place and gave me acupuncture and told me about how we have the central and parasympathetic nervous system, and how the 'casing' of one of mine I think he said central has worn away due to a mineral deficiency and the stress and anxiety and that I'm just running in a fight or flight mode, gave me little micro needle in my ear to squeeze now and then which helps the nervous system apparently and some magnesium and b vitamins to take. But I just feel stupid, I know the truth.
Sorry about the rambling I'm all over the place
So I don't know what I'm looking for in the way of responses, but basically it's at a point now where it doesn't even feel good when I take it, it helps me keep my house clean that's the only benefit, and gives me a lil energy boost, then come afternoon I feel anxious sick and weak and scared. Yet I can't stop doing it!? When I do have the odd day off, I feel fine, tired and grumpy at first but then happy and connected to those around me but then there it is again and I take it because WHY! and ruin my own day.. Surely I'm not getting dopamine from it now, I don't feel euphoric on it at all! I feel like it's more a habit now, the habit of sniffing something I seem to enjoy maybe?? And I know it's destroying me inside.. I need to stop I'm ready to stop but I can't tell Anybody close to me about this, and I've made steps to stop having it in my reach but it's still around so hence why I'm here, I know everyone says to remove the triggers but Im being honest and saying if that was possible I'd be fine, I can't afford a daily drug habit so i wouldn't if it wasn't near, I need to find the inner strength. I'd like to be able to see it and not want to, I have done a couple of times.. I know I can I have to! I gave up smoking cold turkey before, that was a habit, after I ate something had a fag, get in the car had a fag etc etc..
Also I've noticed I find it harder to reach orgasm now! Even when I've come down and not on it, It just takes forever if at all to get there!
Sorry for the long post, feels good to get all this out of my head,
Sorry if I've put anything I wasn't supposed to happy to edit if I need to
Xxx