Cocaine - my story and plea for your advice

ants

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
201
So today is the first day that I am officially unemployed. I’m out of work, out of a job and no longer have any source of income. That ladies and gentlemen is the hard truth of the situation I’m as of today.

Was it all because of cocaine that I resigned? No.
Would I have resigned if I’d never have touch cocaine? Yes
Was I happy in my job? No

So from the above, whilst cocaine has screwed me over (more to follow) I’ve come to a realisation about it, I don’t want this to sound preachy or condescending but it’s the truth, the cold hard honest truth.

Pros to cocaine?

- The rush of picking it up and waiting for your dealer
- Having it on your possession and feel like a big dog (you know exactly what I mean)
- Duh - The obvious high which last 20/30 mins
- Confidence boost
- lowers inhibitions
- Can be nice to sit with friends and really open up about real life conversations

Now for the cons?

- Expensive
- Ruins your following day (a high in exchange for a low)
- Has mental implications on dopamine receptors
- Awful comedowns which give paranoia, fatigue and anxiety (please don’t justify this with benzos)
- Diminished Libido and more difficult to get an erection (what’s the point brining a girl back if you can’t get hard)
- Makes you smell of chemicals / coke for a couple of days
- Blocks your nose
- Do absolutely stupid shit on it that you regret (i have a tendency of asking ANYONE for directions just to initiate chat)
- Addictive (every time you have a drink you’re looking for that dealers number)
- Puts a dent in your physical routine (going to the gym)
- Screws your sleeping patters
- Can start to impair your career if taken on weeknights
- Appetite goes so you start to lose weight and look gaunt - all that hard work in the gym goes to waste.

It’s pretty obvious that when you sit down and weigh up the pros and the cons, we absolutely should not be bothering with this shit. It’s essentially an artificial high which makes you feel great for 20/30 minutes before bringing you crashing down. There is no middle ground with coke, the comedown is probably the worse I get from any drug and I’ve tried all the main ones aside from Heroin.

I’ve been in my room by myself at least 8-10 times drinking alcohol just so I could hope to get 1/2 hours sleep before I have to work a full days work the next day (12 hours door to door) Oh, because I was doing coke the night before, there’s no way I would have eaten either.

I’ve been using recreationally (just on weekends / once every two weeks / every so often twice a week) and where has it left me?

- No savings, actually a grand in debt…..
- Still living with my mother at 25 (both brothers have left home)
- Haven’t bought any new clothes in months
- Not going away on holiday this year (all my friends are off to Ibiza)
- Lost my job and my reputation within the industry tarnished
- No meaningful relationships in a long time
- Considering going to counseling for addiction

What I’ve learnt from taking drugs over the past 3 years or so is that coke is just NOT worth it. The master of a night out is someone who can stick to alcohol and feel tipsy but in control of your actions. This way, you don’t have to spend loads of drugs, can still lower your inhibitions and be confident that you’ll be able to fuck a girl should you bring her back / head back to hers.

Add in 2/3 times a year where you can take MDMA and you’re golden. It’s taken me a LONG time to come to this realisation but I stand by it. Stick to a few drinks of alcohol and the occasional half pint of water if you want to have nights where you’re in control and and can still balance the rest of your life without it going down the shitter.

Today has really hurt me, day of being unemployed and the realisation that I’m missing out of having cash go into my account on a monthly basis. The fact that my friends are off to Ibiza in 2 weeks too is really getting me down :(
 
Well hey on the bright side at least you didnt get to the point where you're like me shooting grams of coke alone in your room blowing through 120-200+ in an evening with nothing to show for it but swollen arms

Its definitely interfered with shit in my life and on the comedowns I cant beleive what Ive done, once again, and I think about getting help and all sorts of that jazz.. but Ive still managed to keep up my job and my income and pay my bills I do have.. although sometimes barely.

I'd honestly give anything to go back to being able to sniff coke :\ which I didnt even like that much
 
Been there ! Living at home at your age isn't all that bad, I wish I had no mortgage ! Find something on the weeknights to keep you busy to at least limit the partying to the weekends. Good Luck! Just remember if your here posting than you can turn it around buddy.
 
I think me, Phobic, and Infantannihilator should get together and see just how much coke $$$ we have collectively shot into our swollen arms. :) God, how I hate that feeling of being out, coming down, and dealing with bloody stumps for arms.

Hey ants, you're pretty young still, and there's time to pick things up. Sounds like you would have moved on from this job anyway, and it's not like you got fired for your drugs use, so now, the worst thing in your life, even though it seems bad, is not as bad as it could get.

Keep going and not being able to go on vacation will seem like nothing. Coke can take you down really fast.

Glad you are aware of what's going on and hopefully you can use this time of unemployment to think about what you really want out of life and turn things around before they get worse.

I wish you the best of luck! A cocaine addiction is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.
 
your pains are mine own from 3 years ago. adderall for me with the fire dealer on emergency dial status once my script ran out in God what had to have been a quarter of the prescribed dosing period. shit, when the fire didn't come through? benxedrine extraction gogogo

im 30 still at home, so don't beat yourself up over shit. when iIwas terminated from my job same as you several years ago, I raced towards finding a job doing ANYTHING. do not let time fester with withdrawal tendencies

gl
 
I think me, Phobic, and Infantannihilator should get together and see just how much coke $$$ we have collectively shot into our swollen arms. :)

Dear god, I don't know if I'd be able to go on with a will go live, seeing in numbers how many cars or homes we've shot into our bodies. Wonder what would have happened to all that money had we never been addicts. Or would we have even worked so hard to earn it in the first place.

I went to edit my original comment to fix the formatting and accidentally deleted it. :( Poo. BL's mobile platform really sucks.
 
Old I but stumbled across it....

Living at home at 25 is awesome - at least it was for me, for some of it....

After ski bumming for 4 years I moved home at 26. Saved $30k in 1 year! Got a raise and saved almost $40k the next year!

Then got an H habit and got fired and spent probably $30k on it.

Got another job, saved almost $20k in 1 year (lots and lots of vacation time = lots and lots of traveling). Got let go bc they couldn't afford me and I spent about $12k?...around that, on blow.

Ohhhhh what I would do to get that $40k back in my pockets.....

Just don't wake up one day and be almost 40, running in place, and watching everybody you know pass you by. You'll again end up spending everything you have on fillin up those arms/nose. (Didn't happen to me, but easily could have.)
 
Top