BenzosBudOrBooty
Bluelighter
Dear blue light,
I want some closure once and for all. I?ve always avoided getting closure even when I sought it. I?ve always been afraid of the truth. Or maybe afraid of the unknown.
But in this post I am asking for your explanations. I don?t think I could post this post on a more appropriate forum than here so here goes.
When I was 19 I start doing LSD. I?ll be 28 in a month. The first eight times doing LSD were Dandy....Great experiences? Some more than others but nonetheless all were good
Then the ninth time. What happened was, these kids broke into my house because I told one other person I was tripping and he told them. I was always a bit disassociated with reality. That?s what I feel I was self-medicating with the LSD and other drugs. So there was always something a little up about me. And that became more apparent after these people broke into my house on four 1/4 tabs of acid and fucked with me for hours on end throwing knives at walls, exposing me to violence and giving me mental torture. While I was tripping at this young age. Then on the come down I was freaking out. Yelling at my friends, yelling at my foes. So my friend or thought he was a friend, calls me on the phone and says two words to me? Your ego! And I said? I know! Because I had already been meaning to get rid of my ego after reading forums like this and being alerted that the ego is bad.
Well I didn?t understand the ego at that point at all really? But I do understand it a lot more now? And I believed I was brainwashed. Would you use the term brainwashing to describe the situation?? Because I became obsessed with the ego and why it?s bad and decided that I will suppress the ego at all fronts for years. This really messed with me. I really think this whole trip was the cause of my schizoaffective, the cause of me having the delusion that I was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Which I believed for so long.
For once, I think I?m ready for answers. I never have been and I?ve avoided them like the plague. But today, I will be Graciously and patiently awaiting you peoples beautiful responses. Thank you.
And PS I never blame the drugs. It was my decision making and external factors that caused all this pain in my life Way before the drugs ever did themselves. Just thought I?d say that.
Now I just take my meds and smoke weed and I?m fine but the pain from the past it bothers me
I want some closure once and for all. I?ve always avoided getting closure even when I sought it. I?ve always been afraid of the truth. Or maybe afraid of the unknown.
But in this post I am asking for your explanations. I don?t think I could post this post on a more appropriate forum than here so here goes.
When I was 19 I start doing LSD. I?ll be 28 in a month. The first eight times doing LSD were Dandy....Great experiences? Some more than others but nonetheless all were good
Then the ninth time. What happened was, these kids broke into my house because I told one other person I was tripping and he told them. I was always a bit disassociated with reality. That?s what I feel I was self-medicating with the LSD and other drugs. So there was always something a little up about me. And that became more apparent after these people broke into my house on four 1/4 tabs of acid and fucked with me for hours on end throwing knives at walls, exposing me to violence and giving me mental torture. While I was tripping at this young age. Then on the come down I was freaking out. Yelling at my friends, yelling at my foes. So my friend or thought he was a friend, calls me on the phone and says two words to me? Your ego! And I said? I know! Because I had already been meaning to get rid of my ego after reading forums like this and being alerted that the ego is bad.
Well I didn?t understand the ego at that point at all really? But I do understand it a lot more now? And I believed I was brainwashed. Would you use the term brainwashing to describe the situation?? Because I became obsessed with the ego and why it?s bad and decided that I will suppress the ego at all fronts for years. This really messed with me. I really think this whole trip was the cause of my schizoaffective, the cause of me having the delusion that I was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Which I believed for so long.
For once, I think I?m ready for answers. I never have been and I?ve avoided them like the plague. But today, I will be Graciously and patiently awaiting you peoples beautiful responses. Thank you.
And PS I never blame the drugs. It was my decision making and external factors that caused all this pain in my life Way before the drugs ever did themselves. Just thought I?d say that.
Now I just take my meds and smoke weed and I?m fine but the pain from the past it bothers me
