AlphaOdure
Bluelighter
So yesterday was my day that i took some ^_^ I don't know how people are getting knocked out from just 0.5 of this stuff i took around 12 yesterday, (From three different vendors) and was totally functional, feel abit rough this morning though hahah, remember everything, didn't slur my words, i once did have an etizolam addiction around a year ago but surley that cant have any effect of the strength of Benzo's now lol? I am in no way benzo tollerant it's only been in the past couple of weeks iv been testing some of the new ones out all with week's apart
Very peculiar. I had a habit of about 400-425mg etizolam a day up until last August of 2014 When i did a 3mo taper using lorazepam. Was clean from everything but booze & a bit of pot a handful of times until sept of this year.. a year later. So, this past month or so, some 13mo later after getting off the etizolam, i've messed around w/ xanax here & there and normal doses seemed to affect me as expected.
However, when i first tried this stuff, clonazolam; thought 1mg was plenty.. then to 3mg.. then finally to 10mg. Now for the past month i've found myself up to dosing a good 30-60mg a day!! (usually in 2-4 doses at night). & this is only at night though, completely fine during the day.. functional, anxiety free, etc until early evening when i start getting bored or a bit edgy. Not really in it for euphoria, but for functionality as (see below) i have horrible anxiety issues doctors usually wont touch w/ a 10-foot-pole b/c of my subutex history. But they're the only meds that make me feel "myself".. give me energy to do things around the house, meet people, be social, be interested in my typical habits of writing & politics & philosophy. And, again, not through a "high", at evened off levels!
Have been slowly trying to bump down by 5mg here & there but seems impossible to get any sleep otherwise. Going to speak to my new sub doc (as old sub doc doesn't understand, nor will he listen, to my benzo issue) & see if anything can be done (b/c ever since my stint w/ etizolam i'm not the same person- can't socialize, leave my house, disorientated/confused when asked questions, derealization in social situations, just severe anxiety that hasn't let up, no interest in anything physical or normal hobbies--and YES i've scored tons of SSRIs, SNRIs, was on depakote & abilify--no difference.) Hopefully i can be put on some legit benzos & tapered down.. or legit benzos & taper myself/maintain sane clonazolam levels? who knows.
(trying an intense DMT experience to help refixate my ego & psyche shortly- that along w/ some MXP to hopefully mediate my tolerance--as i am not too "addictive" w/ dissociatives & am pretty naive w/ them except for 3-meo-pcp & DXM)
Btw, i take 2-8mg of subutex/daily. Prescribed 4mg though. If thats relevant.
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