I B Profane
Bluelighter
This is 100% correct. Source: I've been taking benzos nearly every day for almost five years. During this time, I've become no stranger to both their positive and adverse effects.
Everybody should be warned that benzodiazepines are some of the most addictive drugs out there. I was first prescribed Adderall at the age of 15 for ADHD. Around the age of 19, I was prescribed Xanax to deal with the insomnia and anxiety caused by the stimulant medications. Of all the drugs I've taken and messed around with, the one drug that I cannot kick is benzos. And I have tried nearly everything.
I was switched from Xanax to Klonopin when I was 21, for a bunch of reasons but mostly because the short half life, addictive nature, and intense rebound phase/withdrawals. I was taken off Klonopin at 22, when my new psychiatrist determined that I had a drug problem (mostly to the drugs that they were giving me! but also, opiates.) I went through two weeks of a miserable cold turkey, before I finally caved and got some Etizolam. I started abusing Etiz, taking it all the time mostly due to huge tolerance and how shitty I perceived my life to be at the time. Well when the Etizest pharmacy got popped, I was able to source some Valium that I tapered off benzos with. It was a shitty, fast taper, but I didn't have any seizures or anything.
Well, after 3 months of being off Diazepam, I was still dealing with intense PAWS. Like, I felt like I was in constant withdrawal, for 3 months, and it wasn't seeming to get better. I decided to bite the bullet and get on Gabapentin, which really helped for a while. But Gabapentin helped with the social and general anxiety, but I still had very bad insomnia, so I fell into the benzo trap AGAIN. But these days I only take it for sleep. I take exactly .25mg Clonazolam per evening - never more. I do not take these drugs during the day, nor do I abuse them. I take them strictly for sleep.
I'm working with my psychiatrist to help me get off these things for good. He's recommended a sleeping medication called Suvorexant to help with the insomnia while I taper. You think at this point I'd have learned to not treat drugs with more drugs, but I guess that's how addict logic works.
And yes, I use many natural means to deal with anxiety. I meditate 20 minutes almost every day, and I exercise almost every day, alternating the days where I lift weights and the days where I work on endurance (like running.) I practice cognitive behavioral therapy, I have a really great therapist and psychiatrist and I try to be mindful of my nutrition, water intake, and sleep. I try and be mindful of my thoughts, words, actions and habits. I really am doing the best I can. But after being on benzos for almost 5 years, I can attest that it is a long and bumpy road to recovery. I'm also not a dumbass - I study math and physics at a good state University - but BZPs have a powerful clutch on my brain that is harder to shake than any substance I've come across. I really wish that I was never prescribed benzos in the first place. I don't think I needed them to begin with, but after taking them every day for 5 years, I do need them now. But I'm doing my best to get off, slowly but surely.
I guess tl;dr try to not judge people who take benzos every day. It's really sad when I meet people who need 10mg of Xanax to get through the day, it's a really shitty addiction that some people can fall into without realizing it. I've kicked opiates, amphetamines, nicotine, weed, various prescription meds etc various times throughout the years, but benzos are the one class of drugs that still have me by the balls. The way that they fuck with your baseline anxiety (not to mention your memory) is unreal.
All that being said - Clonazolam is still the best benzo I've ever tried :D I'm currently on my nightly .25 Clonazolam dose, plus a good amount of high quality weed, and one IPA (in the interest of HR, don't combine GABAergics and stuff plz). Feeling like I might fall asleep within the next 10 minutes or so.
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