Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
Hi TDS,
I'm at a loss for how to deal with a situation I've encountered in AA.
I have 10 days sober after a massive vodka binge that made it impossible for me to keep down food or water. I have very mixed feelings about AA, but I have decided to hit the program as hard as I hit the bottle. I am doing much, much better - the support at the meetings helps keep me focused and 100% sober aside from caffeine. My friends and family have noticed very favorably. My boyfriend and I have reconciled. I go to AA for the energy and the fellowship, not the dogma. And I haven't missed alcohol all that much. I'm happy with what I have now.
I have a homegroup which I love, a particularly affirming and educated mix of students, professionals and retirees, many with longtime sobriety. I am trying out a few different meetings other than my homegroup for variety. One of these is kind of a rough crowd. There are people there who live in their cars behind the building and have to ask other AA members if they can come over to shower or couchsurf, borrow money, etc. That does not happen at my homegroup.
And then there is "Casey". Casey is a 26 year old intersexed person who was raised male and now identifies as female. Casey has HIV and Hep C that she got from sharing a heroin needle. She's in Stage III liver failure. Her appearance is somewhat of a barrier to her working; she has never held a job other than selling dope. I like her because she's funny and has great stories. But she's invading the shit out of my boundaries and it's not cool.
Casey likes my style and thinks I have money to burn because I live independently (roommate), own a car and carry a bottle of water into AA meetings. I definitely do NOT have money to burn! My car is 18 years old, lol. I don't wear fancy or designer clothes. The boundary to which I most object, though, is that she thinks nothing of stroking my arm or my hair and laying her head on my shoulder because I smell good. She thinks it's "cute" when I get jumpy and move away. I'm not touchy-feely with strangers. I told her to knock it off and she giggled. Gross.
Yesterday Casey called me in a panic because she was about to relapse and give a dealer a blowjob for dope if I didn't go downtown (I was in a work meeting) and pick her up. I told her to call her sponsor or go to a meeting. She was bummed out and wanted to use because the college program she wanted to attend will not admit her...
because when she was living as a male, at age 22, she had a 14 year old girlfriend and went to prison for 3rd degree rape. She's a registered sex offender
No. Fuck no. I do not want to be associated with a rapist in any way, shape or form. The sex was allegedly consensual (there is no charge called "statutory rape" in my state, it's 3rd degree if with someone under age 16) but... fuck no.
I have done my best to avoid her for 2 days now. I can't do it forever - there's an AA BBQ that I am planning to attend this weekend because other people I have gotten to know and like will be there, and I'm looking forward to spending time with other sober alcoholics on a nice summer day.
The last conversation I had with her was that *I* should consider it MY fault if she relapses. I do not respond to threats and emotional blackmail. I am only responsible for my own sobriety and progress. I don't want to be rude or give the impression I lack sympathy, because I do have a core belief and always have that almost no one is irredeemable. But this is a touchy-feely sick fuck who took advantage of an adolescent. I don't want anything to do with her. Part of me wants to confront her and tell her to stop fucking asking me for shit. The other, non-confrontational part is saying "take it easy, don't make waves".
Any advice, wisdom, suggestions for me? Many thanks and love and health to my TDS friends.
I'm at a loss for how to deal with a situation I've encountered in AA.
I have 10 days sober after a massive vodka binge that made it impossible for me to keep down food or water. I have very mixed feelings about AA, but I have decided to hit the program as hard as I hit the bottle. I am doing much, much better - the support at the meetings helps keep me focused and 100% sober aside from caffeine. My friends and family have noticed very favorably. My boyfriend and I have reconciled. I go to AA for the energy and the fellowship, not the dogma. And I haven't missed alcohol all that much. I'm happy with what I have now.
I have a homegroup which I love, a particularly affirming and educated mix of students, professionals and retirees, many with longtime sobriety. I am trying out a few different meetings other than my homegroup for variety. One of these is kind of a rough crowd. There are people there who live in their cars behind the building and have to ask other AA members if they can come over to shower or couchsurf, borrow money, etc. That does not happen at my homegroup.
And then there is "Casey". Casey is a 26 year old intersexed person who was raised male and now identifies as female. Casey has HIV and Hep C that she got from sharing a heroin needle. She's in Stage III liver failure. Her appearance is somewhat of a barrier to her working; she has never held a job other than selling dope. I like her because she's funny and has great stories. But she's invading the shit out of my boundaries and it's not cool.
Casey likes my style and thinks I have money to burn because I live independently (roommate), own a car and carry a bottle of water into AA meetings. I definitely do NOT have money to burn! My car is 18 years old, lol. I don't wear fancy or designer clothes. The boundary to which I most object, though, is that she thinks nothing of stroking my arm or my hair and laying her head on my shoulder because I smell good. She thinks it's "cute" when I get jumpy and move away. I'm not touchy-feely with strangers. I told her to knock it off and she giggled. Gross.
Yesterday Casey called me in a panic because she was about to relapse and give a dealer a blowjob for dope if I didn't go downtown (I was in a work meeting) and pick her up. I told her to call her sponsor or go to a meeting. She was bummed out and wanted to use because the college program she wanted to attend will not admit her...
because when she was living as a male, at age 22, she had a 14 year old girlfriend and went to prison for 3rd degree rape. She's a registered sex offender
No. Fuck no. I do not want to be associated with a rapist in any way, shape or form. The sex was allegedly consensual (there is no charge called "statutory rape" in my state, it's 3rd degree if with someone under age 16) but... fuck no.
I have done my best to avoid her for 2 days now. I can't do it forever - there's an AA BBQ that I am planning to attend this weekend because other people I have gotten to know and like will be there, and I'm looking forward to spending time with other sober alcoholics on a nice summer day.
The last conversation I had with her was that *I* should consider it MY fault if she relapses. I do not respond to threats and emotional blackmail. I am only responsible for my own sobriety and progress. I don't want to be rude or give the impression I lack sympathy, because I do have a core belief and always have that almost no one is irredeemable. But this is a touchy-feely sick fuck who took advantage of an adolescent. I don't want anything to do with her. Part of me wants to confront her and tell her to stop fucking asking me for shit. The other, non-confrontational part is saying "take it easy, don't make waves".
Any advice, wisdom, suggestions for me? Many thanks and love and health to my TDS friends.