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Choose the love, or follow your dreams.....

bdomihizayka

bdomihizayka

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Joined
Jul 30, 2012
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Down the rabbit hole
To make it short... I completed 2 of 6 years of medical school in Russia. I took the year off and came back home to the states just to center myself and get healthier (exercise, diet, spiritually etc).... anywhooo I completely fell in love since. It's definitely true love and not lust- haven't felt so passionate since I was a teenager. She's older than me, and has 2 kids. She is so much alike me, yet so different as we can each show each other new avenues and aspects in life.

My dream was to become a doctor and become a Russian citizen. This love I feel is real though and I would never let myself rest just throwing it away.

I don't know which direction to go in... which path to choose.... love or dreams.

This sucks.... just want input of any kind.
 
I see you don't want to throw it away, meaning you want to continue your studies in Russia right? So right now you are in the states and met a lady. You have been away for a year, so you have to go back and finish. Have you asked what her feelings are as far as you moving back and getting your Russian citizenship? If she would go along with you?
 
I am completely split. I would love to continue my studies....but that plan would completely leave her out as she wants nothing to do with moving to Russia since her youngest has a horrible case of cystic fibrosis- she doesn't trust foreign healthcare, especially Russian even though in my opinion Russia is on top of their healthcare since the doctors are not pharmaceutical puppeteers and thus they are more natural remedy advocates yet I digress. So she is essentially anchored in America. And so it kind of literally comes down to which do I choose... I know I cannot have both.
 
I'm kinda split too. Definitely a cultural difference, not sure about medical treatment though. If she has her mind made up and wants nothing to do with Russia, for your career you may have to move on without her. I understand in your heart you feel torn, this is going to be tough.
 
I don't want to end up unhappy and regretful working some unskilled job in the States all by myself because I threw it all away for love and things didn't work out LOL I seriously could not mentally handle that. But at the same time, you don't go into a relationship thinking of the what ifs and putting up major safety nets because you're setting yourself up for failure imo. Yea... will definitely be tough. I appreciate the feedback.
 
^ thats what my ex did with his previous ex. its not a clever move in the chess game of life. you should move for you- not someone else because when you go from having a good career to a shit one you instantly become less attractive on paper
 
Go back to Russia and become a doctor. What you feel for her is a chemical reaction, as you probably have studied in 2nd year, that can be reproduced identically or in greater intensity with many substances. She has nothing special. She makes you feel special but she's not the only one person, or thing that can make you feel this way or far better.

The question is very easy, of course your career comes first but I would make her come to Russia so I can have both her and the career. Don't just ask her out of the blue, brainwash her first like, talk about how beautiful it is there.
 
Are you really considering throwing out all those years of work. Fuck that.

My advice is to go back to Russia and finish your school.

I never make career or education choices based on a relationship. Bad idea. Relationships end, while oppurtunities in life can be rather fleeting. If you pass on the school and career my guess is you will always regret it.
 
Obviously, a lot of couples go through some version of relationship-versus-career. I admit that this is a pretty extreme form of it, though. Kind of all or nothing ... yikes! In my own relationship, which is the only thing that I can personally draw on, I know that my girlfriend and I have both made -- and will continue to make -- compromises and sacrifices. But, nothing of this magnitude.

This is obviously tough. But, I think I vote for returning to Russia to finish medical school. You both have very good reasons to stay on course. I know ... it sucks. But, I know what it takes to get where you are. You've just got too much invested (IMO) to drop it all. Sorry. :(
 
This is really old school romantic and you are probably super dashing. So it's going to be a really tough situation to look at logically! The best I can do is offer my experiences...I have moved for a guy before and it didn't work out. I had to completely pick up my life and start, not completely over, but definitely had to make a big change. I do partially wish that I hadn't been so in love at the time because I would have said "hell no, you are tripping, I'm not going to move", but being a young, hopelessly boy crazy girl, I did it. But I was soooo in love with this person for awhile!!! It was a short lived but intense situation and I don't regret it I just wish that I had listened to what I wanted more. It really lame, but just try listening to what your gut and feelings are telling you. And don't look for outside things, like a woman, to give you what you want. Good Luck!
 
Definitely finish your studies. You can't pay your bills by saying, "But I stayed with a girl I loved!"
 
I agree with going back to Russia and finishing your studies. Follow your dreams. Maybe you'll end up meeting up with her later... but I think you should follow your dreams for now and see where that takes you.
 
The romantic in me says to find a way to stay with her, but the practical right answer is to finish your studies. It's the right answer, but I do understand how hard it must be to say goodbye to love.

You never really know. It could work out later. Life has a weird way of throwing you curve balls, so who knows what could happen? You could go back and study and something positive happens that makes it work out.
 
Why don't you invite her with you to visit Russia? Maybe she hates the idea of living there now but things could change. I don't wanna sound corny but its best to let her go and see is fate will you two back together.
 
llama112 said:
How do you think he could manage this, in his situation?
Click to expand...
Firstly, finishing off the OP's study is most important imo, if that is what is desired (as seems with the "become a doctor" drift). He could do this in America and then plan to move when he has the time (plus a more stable income, perhaps) and means to do so.

It sounds as if the OP likes travelling. There is the possibility of moving to an overseas country and taking the partner (and her kids) with them. It seems this would be a difficult in the current situation, unless you find a country that is cheap cost of living (Russia may fit the bill, i'm not sure). There are many other countries that are amazing to live in.

OP, why Russia? Why not study in America?
 
OP if I were you, I would follow your dreams. I still believe in "if you are meant for each other you will end up together no matter what" so if you really are meant for each other even if it takes years, you will end up together. Even if at some point you didn't like your current career at least you have the education and knowledge that you can possibly use in another field, but with this relationship how are you sure that it will work out? There are so many uncertainties in this world and it is more important to think of your future first.
 
Btw what is the first part of your username? Im russian but maybe my slang is off, it looks like homeless bunny. I can tell its its bunny/rabbit forsure.
 
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