pill_billy
Bluelighter
yea ambulances are the biggest scam... but guess its like that everywhere...
but just hang in there... isnt this like day 5 for you??
but just hang in there... isnt this like day 5 for you??
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NSADD Moderators: tryptakid
Chicago heroin thread v. blowin for blows
- Thread starter RecklessWOT
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UKvillage29
Greenlighter
As far as detox around here. When I was younger I went to lakeview which actually wasn't bad. They used dilluadin and valium for my detox. Back then it was still connected to the hospital so I had my own room with two beds and they even let my girlfriend at the time spend the night. The room also had old windows that would open horizontally so at night we would smoke weed which as I'm sure everyone can attest makes kicking so much easier. More recently, about 3 years ago, when I relapsed after being clean for almost eight years my girlfriend had no idea about heroin or detoxes and just followed the advice of my insurance company and took me to a place called Gateway on the west side. It's literally off of independence and in the heart of all the spots. They used Suboxone thier and the clientele was half people with insurance and half government assistance. A bunch of the dudes were only thier in order to get on thier record because somehow thier check from the goverment increased because it was viewed as some sort of disability. That place was a fucking zoo. I've only been to cook county once but it was strangely similar. I had taken half a script of Ativan right before I got there so I don't remember any part of checking in or really the first day for that matter. When I came to I called my girlfriend to come and get me because the place was fucking insane and I was kind of scared to even close my eyes at night. Left there and went back to Hazelden for another round of IOP. Oh the things we do to ourselves.I've honestly lost track but it has to be about day 5. Has to be. I'm going stir crazy now and needing money, I need to get back to work. Maybe I'll work tomorrow afternoon while my energy is good and high.
Lakeview isn't an option because of people I know that work there, however the head detox nurse is astounding and family to me.
I can't imagine going to a place in the thick of the spots. The way it works for disability is if you have ptsd and you were a vet or shot and methadone is helping the pain plus any addictions you have because of the ptsd. Full on disability because your life revolves around the clinic (also prob means there's a shady ass dr there).
I've been taking subs in order to get better. So it's been "simple" but remember I began kicking 7 days ago and the first 3 days I threw up non stop, shit my bed ... damn near (imo died from dehydration). So I chipped off to get fluids, immodium and zofran in me - my body required that break and I KNEW I needed the ER but I don't want my son taken from me or dcfs involved. He's not neglected or going without, this situation is just my fault and I need to handle it without it overtaking his life and ruining it. Monday I began subs, because I was too weak to take him to school. I am now counting the days from Monday (so 4 days) but on subs/stabilized as of today a lower dose than yesterday to get there. I've already cut up what I will use until weds as a taper to be totally off. Is that too long? Tomorrow will be 6mg (2mg / 3times a day) , sat 4mg (2mg / twice a day), Sunday 2mg, Monday / Tuesday 1mg with Weds being nothing I think. I still have strips after that but not many and I want them as a piece of mind. Because a benzo taper is happening right now too unless somehow I get fortunate and land on some. I know I'll go through what I have during the sub drop. Seems like this is taking forever but as long as I can avoid the RSL and vomiting... I'm happy. Avoiding overwhelming anxiety would be terrific too .. dammit.
Going back to work will be terrific for me, so I'm going to answer emails and get to it.
pill_billy
Bluelighter
the sub taper sounds like it should work, in theroy atleast... im sure weve all been there before... ooo i got this and its gona last me X amount of days and ofcourse it never does... but it sounds like your pretty determined and hopefully it will all work out... if not you could always catch a charge and be forced to get clean like me... but id only use that as a last last resort lol...
anyways hang in there... only couple more days and ya should be over the sickness phase and just into the mental cravings part....jjones0207
Bluelighter
Dem charges aint no joke. I saw the lil printer that prints out what charges/convictions u have, u just enter a social security #. It was weird because you could tell it was really old but integrated with the modern system of finger printing and stuff.
The machine that takes fingers prints is so high tech it has FED eagles all on that mf. It better be precise when determining finger prints for murders ect.. They cage mfs off that info
pill_billy
Bluelighter
fuck no catchin a charge aint no joke... the govt dont play around when it comes to their revenue stream...It should work, I hope at least. I mean - I expect to feel sorta achy and blah when the sub isn't in my body, but I'm trying to avoid the vomiting and RSL as well as terrifying anxiety. My habit was large for me but not lengthy of a relapse. I shouldn't have relapsed, it happened, but I feel like I caught it at a decent marker. I do test each day out to see how I'm feeling and what is a good amount to take. I don't take more than I actually need.
The mental cravings are there in the sense that I'm bored and sick of being stuck at home. However, I have no actual desire. Im just going to work and somehow save us from getting shit shut off or evicted. Kinda freaking out about the money situation because this entire ordeal has taken March from me. I got a lil' sad in the middle, right when I realized "damnit! I got a problem!" and then ended up deathly sick, my kid got sick and that was when I chose to jump off to make sure everyone's health was good in my home, among other things. I didn't expect it to be this big of a fucking deal personally. All other times have sucked balls, I whined about it for 3 days and by day 4 I was ok .. exhausted but ok. This was 100% different and maybe it's because I was sick right before, so my body was already fragile or maybe it's all the crap they add into it that you gotta come off of too... 100% no idea. But it's safe to say that H is out of my system now completely. Now it's a matter of figuring out the least annoying way to stop a one week sub taper. I HAVE to work. I literally have 0.00 and just enough gas to get my son to school 1 day.
Oh jesus god no, not a charge! My kids mean far too much to mean to fuck around and get caught up - if I got this 2nd chance happening right now. I'd lose everything and the only thing that prevented that from happening when I was using was that I didn't get caught. I think of shit like that, I get really humbled by it and keep that shit in mind.
I can't really express my sobriety thoughts/feelings very well but my concern isn't with a week from now, it's tomorrow. I worry about the now and deal with the rest as I get to it. I make no promises except those I can keep, and that's a short list. I've done a sub taper for lil' binges on pills before (chipping off) and I was able to stop subs when I literally ran out because I'd only have 3 or 4 on hand. I never felt anything after I stopped. But this is H and again, detox was intensely scary - so that's why I'm very curious on if I froze time completely or what. either way, glad when the wondering is done and I'm slapped with "here's johnny!" (first day without sub)
pill_billy
Bluelighter
holy fuck... i knew there wasnt much of a chance to pull off the upset... but never woulda thought kentucky would be up by 30 fukin points... smh... its a sad sad day to be a mountainerr... where ever you may be...taking my ass back to bed. Before I do, on the way home and on the way to take my kid to school (had to pick up pc's granddaughters and drop them off .. so I was in the wild west and NO I DID NOT GET ANYTHING.). My pc called me around 6:45 and said there's no way he was risking being shot this morning taking the grandkids to school, so would I drop em' off. The school is near my home so it's nbd. They are such cuties anyway. I picked em' up and noticed what he was talking about; there's some scary ass stick em' up boys ALL over the fucking place. It was like the D boys were gone and it was replaced heavily by easily noticable armed people.
Taking my kid to school down Western to congress, there was a lot of activity and no cops at 730ish. by 8am (on my way back) I noticed cops pulling people over on Western near Lake and NO more activity in it's usual spots, nor pan handlers (which is very odd for that area). I decided to take a few side streets to see - in the name of science - and it looked liked decoys or narcs selling, so that would mean those copping are getting pulled over on a main street so the cops aren't shot. PRetty standard shit with how violent it's been over here.
In my word today: Haven't taken a sub and I normally do that when I wake up. No sub, no lupe, no zofran and no xanax / kpins. I quit taking lupe 3 days ago out of fear of doing more damage than good. I don't want to get constipated. I also don't want to run myself out of zofran and it either.
Last night was day 4 (on subs though, but no H) and I slept well and didn't wake up in withdrawal. I'm hoping to put off taking subs entirely but we shall see. Normally I can just stop it at any dose without real taper on day 4 and the w/d symptoms are so mild that I don't care. I have the weekend so it's time to test the waters. I made it through the week which was the most vital because of my family. I hope I get back to work this weekend.
Stay safe guys!
IIRC you said that you were working as a stripper. I've got to ask what you can do inside strip club that can earn $10K or did you just whack some guy's credit card and they let it go?
pill_billy
Bluelighter
well if its a high end club and its a great night its not unheard of... im guessing you dont know to many dancers... my ex did that shit for a little while and made pretty good money... can only imagine what she would made if it was in a bigger city and not around here
I know enough about strip clubs and dancers to know that it is very unlikely these two ladies split $10K from lap dances that night. It sounds like there might be an interesting story here and urbans0ma has been pretty forthcoming about some things here, so i thought that she might care to share it. nbd
pill_billy
Bluelighter
doubt they made it from just lap dances either... you get a couple guys at the stage tryin to one up each other, they can end up throwin around alot of money...
but im sure urb will fill in the details at some point...nosy asshole. The guy killed himself 2 weeks later. I never even danced for him. He got "funny money" out from his CC and gave over 10k to me and the same amount to another dancer. He did this 3 nights in a week till his cc was frozen. He was very young, trustee socialite in Chicago.
Why the fuck do you care about something that happened 10 years ago?
pill_billy
Bluelighter
i think he just wanted to hear ya say you jerked him off under the table or some shit like that...
dont let it get ya worked up tho... thats just how some ppl are...If you didn't want to say, then why did you? I hear a lot of pros and dancers talk about big money they have made but they are always broke when they tell it.
You come on this board and talk about your addiction, your son, psych hospitalization, shitting the bed and this makes you snap? Did the docs mention borderline personality disorder during that hospitalization?
I know. I know. I'd say it if I did.
Rough day emotionally (paws!)
And to smudg, shitting the bed is part of detox. I came here to talk about it because a lot of it was unusual. What would borderline have to do with it? Are you in Chicago? Are you an addict or just curious about ex dancers making money a decade ago?This entire weird questioning seems like a "girl" coming at me. It's just too weird. Anyway, Im through the thick of withdrawal and hope to return to work this weekend, or at least leave my house and see humans. I feel like I've been shut in forever (outside of taking my kid to school). I did talk to an ex who is randomly here again from nyc. Pretty excited about that, he's a great guy (sober, I don't date anyone who uses). So unless something comes up... I'm peacing out. Something is weird here and I really have a good happy life outside of my recent fuck-up, which is now over and it's all about moving on.
Be well. Be safe. I'll post any community / local insanity if I see or hear about it. I don't want anymore people getting hit with stray bullets- Status
